HALLOWEEN 2K18: A Review of "A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child"

"Bon appetit, bitch!"

Oh God Almighty. I can't believe this is going to happen and that I had to subject myself to this one again. After A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master, we've learned that absolutely nothing can kill Freddy Krueger it seems like. He suffers from the same thing that Jason Voorhees does; sequelitis. No force of God or man is powerful enough to stop the money-hungry and ill-sighted Hollywood producer. So now, Freddy's been forgotten about, had his ashes and skeleton burned and buried by holy water, and had inner souls of those he's killed rip him to shreds, where was the franchise left to go? Oh, I got it. How about having Freddy inhabit the dreams of an unborn fetus. That's not weird, sadistic, confusing or the least bit uncomfortable. Well... not intentionally.

Freddy the angry chef

Taking place almost a year after A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master, Alice (Lisa Wilcox) and Dan (Danny Hassel) have now started dating and there is no sign of Freddy Krueger (Robert Englund). One day, in the shower, she sees herself at a strange asylum, dressed in a nun's habit with a name-tag saying Amanda Krueger (Beatrice Boepple). She is then attacked by patients at the hospital but wakes up. The next day, Alice is graduating from high school alongside her new friends: Greta (Erika Anderson), an aspiring, albeit reluctant, supermodel; Mark (Joe Seely), a comic book geek; and Yvonne (Kelly Jo Minter), a "candy striper" and swimmer. Alice only confides her nightmare to Dan and he tells her she is in control of her dreams. So far, nothing weird or out of the ordinary. Freddy hasn't popped up yet... but he's coming.

"My name's Alice and I've gotten to survive three movies"

On her way to work, Alice finds herself back at the asylum, where she witnesses Amanda giving birth to a gruesomely deformed Freddy-looking baby. Alright, "what the fuck" meters have gone from zero to eleven pretty damn quick. Amanda tries to collect the baby before it escapes, but it sneaks out of the operating room and Alice follows it into the same church where she had defeated Freddy in Nightmare 4. The baby finds Freddy's remains and quickly grows into an adult, hinting to Alice that he's found the "key" to coming back. Well that's... a stretch. I guess Dracula in the 60s and 70s gothic Hammer films found odd ways to come back. Every single schmuck would mix something with Dracula's blood and he'd come back, so I guess I can buy this. Alarmed, she contacts Dan, who falls asleep en route to see her, and is attacked by Freddy. You should really get enough sleep before you get into an automobile. Freddy electrocutes him, turning him into a frightful creature before veering him into oncoming traffic. Alice sees Dan's body come to life and taunt her before she passes out. Waking in a hospital, she has to take the news of Dan's death and that she is pregnant with his child. In the night, she is visited by a young boy named Jacob (Whit Hertford), but the next day Yvonne tells her there are no children on her floor, nor is there a children's ward. Great, now she's hallucinating on top of pregnant. This can't add up well.

"A Freddy! Can we get a picture?"
"What?" SNAP

Alice tells her friends about Freddy and his lineage, but Yvonne refuses to hear it while Mark and Greta are more supportive. Say what you want about the Nightmare on Elm Street movies, at least characters in the sequels are buying into the previous events. Every single time Jason kills someone in a spree, everyone afterwards forgets about it. At least these sequels acknowledge previous sequels. That afternoon, at a dinner party at home, Greta falls asleep at the table; she snaps at her mother, going on a rant over her controlling nature before Freddy arrives and literally forces Greta to eat herself alive before choking her in front of a laughing audience. In the real world, she falls down dead to the surprise of her mother and guests. Forcing you to eat egregious amounts of food until death? That's a new one. Yvonne and Alice visit Mark, who is grieving Greta's death and a rift forms between them. Mark falls asleep and is nearly killed by Freddy, but Alice saves him at the last minute before seeing Jacob again. Jacob hints that she is his mother. Alice requests that Yvonne gets her an early ultrasound and discovers Freddy is feeding Jacob his victims to make him like himself. Alright, what? What is happening? Freddy is making literally giving Alice's unborn child the souls of all the people he's killing so that Jason will be born and end up like Freddy? Then what? Is he going to just exist in the real world? That would actually limit his powers wouldn't it? What's the point of doing this? Just continue to be Freddy? You don't need a physical form to be spooky.

This Amanda Krueger looks much younger than the one
from A Nightmare on Elm Street 3

Yvonne still believes that Alice is crazy because she's living under a rock. Dan's parents also believe that Alice is delusional and insist that she give them the baby when it is born, which Alice refuses. Don't you just love custody battles in the middle of a dumb slasher movie? Alice and Mark research Krueger and the Nun Amanda. Realizing that Amanda was trying to stop Freddy, they investigate her whereabouts and Alice goes to sleep, hoping to find Amanda at the asylum. While there, Freddy lures her away by threatening Yvonne, who has fallen asleep in a Jacuzzi. What odd places people are choosing to fall asleep in in this movie. Alice rescues her, and Yvonne finally believes her. Mark falls asleep and is pulled into a comic book world, where Freddy slashes him apart. The comic book part was actually pretty interesting enough, but too bad it wasn't a bigger part of the movie.

Ugly baby Freddy. *shudders*

Alice goes to bed in order to find Freddy and save her son. She is led into an M. C. Escher-type maze before she finally draws Freddy out from within herself. Yvonne finds Amanda's remains at the asylum and joins the fight in the dream world, encouraging Jacob to use the power that Freddy had been giving him. Jacob manages to destroy Freddy and his infant form is absorbed by his mother while Alice picks up a baby Jacob. Warning Alice away, Amanda manages to seal Freddy away in time. Several months later, Jacob Daniel Johnson is enjoying a picnic with his mom, grandfather and Yvonne. The familiar song of Freddy's theme can be heard being hummed by children jumping rope. So you know what that means? This shit still ain't over.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child is the weakest entry in the series. Seems like they had a story, but throughout production it just regressed and regressed, got dumber and fucking dumber, and ultimately we ended up with this... movie that feels very, very half-assed. Coming out as the fourth Nightmare on Elm Street movie in five years, at least Robert Englund had a lot to do in the second half of the 1980s. The story makes no sense, is too bizarre, doesn't follow itself on its own logic, and doesn't really add-up with how the climax plays out as opposed to what we're explained int he beginning. Easily the weakest, stupidest A Nightmare on Elm Street movie, but the next entry? It doesn't get very much better....