HALLOWEEN 2K18: A Review of "Jason Lives: Friday the 13th Part VI"

After Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning and A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge served up a double-decker order of slasher movie suckage, we got two back-to-back boss entries in each man's respective franchises. First in 1986, with the entry we're here to talk about today. It's time for Jason Lives: Friday the 13th Part VI. It's wacky, it's cheesy, it's downright ludicrous, but it's surprisingly one of the best of the franchise. With Alice Cooper as our psuedo musical director, supplying three songs for the movie, including "He's Back (The Man Behind the Mask)", this joyride gets started on an awesome note.

"What did you expect Jason? You killed my mother!"
"No, Tommy. I AM your mother."

After the events of Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning, Tommy Jarvis (Thom Mathews), who killed mass murderer Jason Voorhees (CJ Graham & Dan Bradley), returns to Crystal Lake, now renamed Forest Green. As horror sequels go, renaming a frequently visited serial killer hotspot fixes everything. Tommy, having gone through two facial reconstruction surgeries and still suffering from hallucinations ever since his past encounter with Jason, arrives with his friend Allen Hawes (Ron Palillo), hoping to cremate Jason's body and finally end his hallucinations once and for all. At the cemetery, they exhume Jason's corpse (never a good idea) but seeing it causes Tommy to have an audio flashback to murdering Jason, and he stabs Jason's body with a metal fence post. Why Tommy can't keep it together for two seconds is beyond me. As he turns his back on Jason, two lightning bolts strike the post and revive Jason, who kills Hawes with a punch through the heart and retrieves the hockey mask Tommy brought with him. That was mighty nice of Tommy to supply the killer's mask for the movie. We then find Jason literally mimicking the James Bond gun barrel sequels by walking to the middle of the screen, turning and swiping his machete across the camera. There's literally been so many sequels, the movie is parodying itself. Incredible.

"Don't worry, I'm not in the next movie."
"Hey! Me neither!" *High fives*

Tommy flees to the sheriff's office to warn the police of Jason's return, but he is caught and arrested. Why? I don't know. His warning that Jason has returned goes unheeded by Sheriff Mike Garris (David Kagen). The sheriff, who is aware of Tommy's institutionalization and thinks he is imagining Jason, locks Tommy in a cell. On the road, camp counselors Darren (Tony Goldwyn, you know, the bad guy from Ghost)and Lizabeth (Nancy McGloughlin) get lost looking for the camp. They are both killed by Jason, who impales them both with the metal rod that resurrected him.Thanks for coming Tony. The following morning, Garris' daughter Megan (Jennifer Cooke) and her friends Sissy (Renee Jones), Cort (Tom Fridley), and Paula (Kerry Noonan) arrive to report Darren and Lizabeth missing. Tommy warns them about Jason, but as he is now considered an urban legend, they ignore the warnings, though Megan becomes attracted to him. So yeah, a lot happens in this scene. First, Tommy...a jailed nutcase, is found attractive literally out of the blue. Secondly, the townsfolk, after five mass murders, still consider Jason a myth. Like...still. The writing's get pretty hilariously unoriginal. In the woods, Jason happens upon a corporate paintball game; he kills the players for their equipment. During these kills, Jason discovers that he is far stronger than before when he rips off a man's arm.

"That's right, boys. Who would've thought
paintball was the least-dangerous thing in this movie?"

At Camp Forest Green, the children arrive, and the teens do their best to run the camp without Darren and Lizabeth. Meanwhile, Garris decides to escort Tommy out of his jurisdiction due to his influence on Megan. You know... like strange voodoo influence? Not just because she likes him, but because... oh I don't fucking know. Tommy tries to make a run for Jason's grave but finds that the caretaker had covered it up to deny responsibility for it being dug up, and Hawes' body is buried in its place. Not like they could just re-dig it up and learn the truth, but you know. Tommy is then handcuffed and escorted out of town by Garris, who warns him to never return. That night, Jason murders the caretaker and a nearby couple who witness the murder. Meanwhile, Cort goes out to have sex with a girl named Nikki (Once again, never a good idea), but Jason kills them both (See?). The sheriff's men find the victims' bodies and Garris immediately implicates Tommy in the murders, believing he has gone insane imagining Jason. Or pfft... I don't know. You could assume it's Jason due to the FIVE PREVIOUS MASS MURDERS THAT TOOK PLACE... oh never mind.

Tony Goldwyn says to STOP! (In the name of Ghost)

Tommy contacts Megan and convinces her to help him lure Jason back into Crystal Lake. Meanwhile, Jason makes his way to the camp and kills Sissy and Paula, but refrains from harming the children. Which is... really a first in his career. Meanwhile, Tommy and Megan are pulled over by Garris. Despite Megan's alibi that she was with Tommy, he does not believe him to be innocent and arrests him, and then goes to the camp to investigate. As Tommy and Megan develop a ruse to trick the watching deputy and escape, Jason kills Garris and two other deputies when they arrive at the camp. Jason is about to kill Megan when Tommy calls to him from the lake; apparently remembering his killer, Jason goes after Tommy instead. Tommy is attacked in a boat in the middle of the lake and ties a boulder around Jason's neck to trap him. Jason fights back, holding Tommy underwater long enough to drown him. Megan rushes out to save him but is nearly killed when Jason grabs her leg; she turns the boat's activated motor around onto Jason's neck, and he releases her. She takes Tommy back to shore and uses CPR to revive him. Tommy says that it is finally over and Jason is home. Under the water, anchored to the bottom of the lake, Jason is still alive. The final shot of the film is his eye staring off into the water, waiting patiently for an opportunity to return obtain some "New Blood"... huh? HUH?! See what I did there? Well anyway, moving on.

Jason Lives: Friday the 13th Part VI is a fun, albeit absent-minded entry. Obviously a lot of the plot is either hilariously recycled from previous entries or it just doesn't add-up or make sense. The tropes are back, full force. It's like all the stuff in every Friday the 13th movie is a tradition; camp being renamed, kids acting dumb, kids having sex, then Jason showing up and killing eight of the ten main characters in the span of about fifteen minutes. Still, Part VI found a way to still be a blast even though nothing about it was original. It was the last of the "Tommy Jarvis trilogy" and as we would see, Part VII would go down a completely different road... somehow even dumber than what we're used to.