HALLOWEEN 2K18: A Review of "Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter"

Joel Schumacher recruits Corey Feldman for The Lost Boys, c. 1984

Oh boy, Final eh? Pretty gutsy calling your movie The Final Chapter. Not just retrospectively speaking, either. Like you have to be absolutely sure that you don't want to make any more movies in this franchise. Something we all know now for a fact that they weren't sure of. Perhaps this was just a cheap gimmick to boost ticket sales, like you must see this final installment or else you'll miss out. Yeah, let's just go with that. Also, they skipped a year for this one. That's right, out of the ten years that start with '198-', only 1983 didn't have either a Friday the 13th movie nor a A Nightmare on Elm Street movie in it. Kudos 1983, you were probably the only creatively charged year of that period (lol). Any who, this is Friday the 13th: The "Final" Chapter.

Even your HMO can get the axe

The night after the events of Friday the 13th Part III, police clean up the grounds and Jason Voorhees's body, believed to be dead, is taken to the morgue. At the hospital, Jason spontaneously revives and escapes from the cold storage, murdering the coroner Axel (Bruce Mahler) with a hacksaw and gutting Nurse Morgan (Lisa Freeman) with a scalpel, all while Axel watches some strange fucking workout video. I don't know, I guess that's what he likes to watch. He isn't even working out, so I don't get it. The following day, a group of teenagers drive to Crystal Lake for the weekend... which they should know after three murders and three massacres is never a good idea. At this point, the US Government should just carpet bomb Crystal Lake and start over again. Or these movies should stop trying to follow each other and just be like standalone entries... like James Bond. The group... excuse me "Killing gallery"... consists of Paul (Alan Hayes), his girlfriend Sam (Judie Aronson), virgin Sara (Barbara Howard), her boyfriend Doug (Peter Barton), socially awkward Jimmy (Crispin Glover), and jokester Ted (Lawrence Monoson). On the way, the group comes across Pamela Voorhees's tombstone... okay seriously. She's either lying on the dock, in Jason's hut, in Crystal Lake, or buried. You can't have her in four different places. Get it together, Friday the 13th. They also come across hitchhiker (Bonnie Hellman), who is soon killed by Jason. Thank you, ma'am, your cheque's in the mail.

Cause this is THRILLER!!
... wait

The teens arrive and meet neighbors Trish Jarvis (Kimberly Beck), her twelve-year-old brother Tommy (Corey Feldman), their mother (Joan Freeman), and the family dog Gordon (some dog). While going for a walk the next day, the teens meet twin sisters Tina (Camilla More) and Terri (Carey More), and go skinny dipping with them. Kudos to The Final Chapter for at least going through enough trouble to hire actual twins. Come on guys, you never go skinny-dipping. That's like Jason's calling card. Trish and Tommy happen upon the scene, and Trish is invited to a party to take place that night. Afterwards, when their car breaks down (Take a shot), Trish and Tommy are helped out by a young man named Rob (E. Erich Anderson). They take him to their house, where Tommy shows Rob several monster masks he made himself before Rob leaves to go camping. Tommy's monsters are on par with Ray Harryhausen, one wonders how a kid like that can do it.

Later that night, the teens begin the party. Actually they think it's a party, but what it actually is a ritual dance the Native Americans conceived to summon a hockey-mask killer from the woods to slaughter them all. A jealous Sam sees Tina flirting with Paul and leaves. She goes out to the lake where Jason impales her from under a raft. When Paul goes out to look for her, he is stabbed in the groin with a harpoon gun. Ouch. Terri tries to leave the party early, but before she can get on her bike Jason stabs her with a spear. After sleeping with Tina, Jimmy goes downstairs to get a bottle of wine. Jason pins his hand with a corkscrew before striking him in the face with a meat cleaver. Tina looks out a window upstairs when she is grabbed by Jason and thrown to her death, crashing on the car. While a stoned Ted watches vintage stag films with a film projector, he is stabbed in the head with a kitchen knife from the other side of the projector screen. Jason then goes upstairs where Doug and Sara finish making love in the shower. After Sara leaves, Jason kills Doug by crushing his head against the shower tile. When Sara screams upon finding Doug's body, she tries to escape only for Jason to drive a double-bit axe through the front door, killing her. You know, after all this, I think I finally figured out what Jason's weakness is... being in a group. Literally everyone who dies here is wandering off alone. If you go to Crystal Lake, stay in a group and do everything together. Yes, even sex and pot. You will be guaranteed survival.

I always think the blood in this shot is just Jason's
messed up hairdo

Trish and Tommy return from town and discover the power outage. While looking for their mother, who had been killed by Jason earlier, Trish goes to find Rob for help. It is revealed that Rob is actually the brother of Jason's victim Sandra from Friday the 13th Part 2. That's... an unnecessary and useless twist. Rob further explains to her that Jason is still alive and he came to Crystal Lake to get revenge for the murder of his sister. Why he couldn't be bothered to avenge his sister during the events of Friday the 13th Part III is anyone's guess.

Worried for Tommy's safety, Trish and Rob return to the house. They then go next door to investigate and discover the teens' bodies. Gordon flees, and Rob is killed by Jason in the basement as Trish runs home, taking Rob's machete with her. Way to avenge your sister sir. Your cheque is... actually you don't get one. You're dead. Trish and Tommy barricade the house, but Jason breaks in and chases them into Tommy's room. Trish lures Jason out of the house and escapes, then returns home and is devastated to learn that Tommy is still there. Okay, that was confusing when I wrote that out. It made sense in the movie, but writing it out confuses the shit out of me. She senses Jason behind her (like a Jedi, I guess) and tries to fight him off with the machete but is overpowered. Tommy, having disguised himself to look like Jason as a child, distracts him long enough for Trish to hit him with the machete, but she merely whacks off his mask. How Tommy's plan works is... well you get the gist. As Trish stands horrified at Jason's deformed face, Tommy takes the machete and strikes it in the side of his skull, causing him to collapse to the floor and split his head upon impact. When Tommy notices that Jason's fingers are slightly moving, he continues to hack at his body screaming, "Die! Die!" while Trish repeatedly yells out his name.

Hello? Hello? Anybody home? Think McFly!

At the hospital, Trish is visited by Tommy. He rushes in, embraces her, and gives a disturbed look while staring ahead. This is most certainly a throwback to "Thriller" by Michael Jackson, because that's exactly how it looks. I suppose they're trying to hint that Tommy will grow up to become the new Jason, but that isn't expanded on at all.

Despite the gripes, Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter is actually one of the better ones. It actually tries to throw some story elements in there and, as stated, throws back to Part 2 with that brother/sister connection. It obviously goes nowhere and does nothing, but it was a nice touch to know they tried. It had a couple future stars in there, like Crispin Glover (George McFly in Back to the Future) and Corey Feldman (The Goonies, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, The 'Burbs, The Lost Boys) and a bunch of regular Friday the 13th style actors who were nobodies before and remained nobodies after. Funny enough, they only stuck with the notion of this one being the Final Chapter for a whole six months, as the next one was probably already well on the way.

But during Jason's short sabbatical, another challenger would enter the fray to challenge his box office dominance....