HALLOWEEN 2K18 BONUS: A Review of "Halloween" (2018)

"I'm here to show the Happy Death Day freaks how horror is done."

If you know me, and odds are reading this you do (otherwise you'd just be some stranger reading my words... and probably bored out of your mind... or high, one of the two), you'll know I'm a huge Halloween nerd. The first Halloween from 1978 is still my favorite horror movie, hands down. It's not even scary, but the way it's written as something that could actually happen in a small, midwestern town still inspires at least an itty-bitty shred of fear. The sequels are hit or miss, the remakes are iffy... hell I ranked all ten original movies in this blog in 2016, you should check 'em out. So when we heard that we were getting a sequel starring Jamie Lee Curtis while being executive produced and scored by the original mastermind himself John Carpenter, we shit our pants in delight. I don't know how that's possible... but I digress. Halloween, which follows Halloween chronologically (it's confusing, I get it) treats the other sequels like they didn't happen, so it's a new telling of what happened after Halloween (1978). Let's dive in and see if it's any good.

Sheriff Hawkins and Michael Myers ensures that
Rob Zombie didn't sneak onto the set.

Forty years after the 1978 Haddonfield murders, true-crime podcasters Aaron Korey (Jefferson Hall) and Dana Haines (Rhian Rees) travel to Smith's Grove-Warren County Sanitarium to interview Michael Myers (James Jude Courtney) who was captured after Dr. Samuel Loomis (Donald Pleasence) shot him off of the Doyle house balcony. Dr. Ranbir Sartain (Haluk Bilgner), who has been treating Michael since Loomis' death, informs them that Michael is able to speak but chooses not to. Do we mean the alternate ending to Rob Zombie's shithouse Halloween II from 2009? No. Shut up. That didn't happen. Aaron fails to get Michael to speak, even after mentioning Laurie Strode and waving his mask in front of his face like a guy using a dog treat to get a dog to bark.
Getting a mute killer to talk is tough, so Aaron and Dana go to interview Laurie (Jamie Lee Curtis), who has spent the last forty years dealing with post-traumatic stress and preparing for Michael's inevitable return. Her feelings have resulted in two failed marriages and losing custody of her daughter Karen (Judy Greer), who goes on to have her own daughter, Allyson (Andi Matichak). Aaron and Dana tell Laurie their interest in finding out why Michael committed the murders and ask her to meet with him in a final attempt to get him to speak before he is transferred to a maximum security prison, but Laurie declines. Rightfully so, too. This is a bit of a "why?" moment for me. Michael killed five people on one murder spree. Remember, the other sequels didn't exist... so why does Laurie act like they do? She's acting like Michael's killing sprees in 4, 5, and Curse happened too, which explains her preparedness. Do you know of anybody who's had a serial killer coming after them, only for them to be captured and sent away for forty years, and still be like "he's coming for me. I know he is." Seemed to far-fetched for me.

"Wasn't Michael Myers her brother?"
"No, we're retconning Halloween II."

Anywho, the inevitable lightning strikes as the bus transporting the patients crashes, and the inmates scatter, allowing Michael to escape. The following morning, on Halloween, Michael kills Aaron and Dana and recovers his mask, which was in their possession, before returning to Haddonfield. The hilarious part is that he just willy-nilly puts his mask on in the middle of the gas pumps in broad fucking daylight. He just doesn't even care anymore. Laurie learns about the crash and breaks into Karen's house to demonstrate her lack of security, causing an argument with Karen and her husband Ray. Which, you know, is a normal thing to do.

Hey look, it's that lady that's in everything.

Michael wanders Haddonfield and begins to kill innocent victims. Allyson's friend Vicky (Virginia Gardner) is killed by Michael; Julian (Jibrail Nantambu) a boy whom she was babysitting, flees and calls the police... then we never see him again. Bye Julian, hoped you lived you adorable little fuck. Laurie, patrolling the streets in her truck, hears the dispatch call on her CB radio and hurries to the house, where Sheriff Frank Hawkins (Will Patton) finds Dave and Vicky's bodies. Laurie and Hawkins find Michael; Laurie shoots him, but Michael disappears. Meanwhile, Allyson's friend Oscar (Drew Scheid) is killed by Michael. Allyson is chased before finding refuge in a neighboring home. Laurie, Karen, and Ray (Toby Huss) arrive at Laurie's fortified home. Finding Michael, Hawkins runs him over and gets out of the vehicle to shoot him, despite Dr. Sartain's protests. Dr. Sartain stabs Hawkins in the throat...in probably a major "what the shit" moment... and kills him before taking Michael's mask and putting it on... another major "what the shit" moment... He loads Michael into the vehicle with Allyson and drives to Laurie's house, intent on reuniting them. An old frail man loading an oversized behemoth into the back of a police van. Makes perfect sense. Michael regains consciousness and reclaims his mask, and Allyson informs Dr. Sartain that Michael spoke to her... "you know, like a liar". Michael forces Dr. Sartain out of the vehicle and stomps on his head as Allyson flees. Got a whole Walking Dead vibe out of that kill. Michael kills Ray next and breaks into the house.

A live look-in at Jamie Lee Curtis being offered a role
in another sequel.

Laurie and Michael fight and stab each other, and Allyson witnesses Laurie fall from the balcony. She makes her way into the safe room with Karen, who shoots Michael with a rifle and stuns him. Funny how a gunshot can "stun" someone. Laurie attacks Michael, and Allyson stabs him with his own knife, allowing her and Karen to escape. Laurie flips a switch and metal bars spring into place, barricading the exit and trapping Michael in the safe room as it fills with gas. She lights a flare, setting the room and Michael ablaze. Major throwback to Halloween II, that is the original Halloween II, so it's basically Carpenter being like "Yeah, that's right motherfucker. That kill can work. Try undoing that." Or so I thought, because Laurie, Karen, and Allyson escape as the house is engulfed in flames and hitch a ride in the back of a pickup truck. The three women embrace as they are taken to safety. However, the credits end with the sound of Michael's heavy breathing, leaving his ultimate fate ambiguous... which means GUESS WHAT?! MORE SEQUELS.

In all seriousness, though, Halloween was pretty badass. It felt like a regular, run-of-the-mill Halloween sequel but because of the throwback elements, like the '78 style title sequence and John Carpenter doing the score to the movie, it feels more "at home". You take the nostalgia elements away, and it's just your regular Halloween slasher movie, but with some interesting spins. I get that the movie was sold on the nostalgic backbone, because without, would anyone have cared about a new Halloween movie? I'm glad the original people came back, including Nick Castle, who plays Michael when he's masked. Castle never missed a single beat. From '78 to now, it's like Michael never left. It's so coo to see Michael have that stern walk and that robotic head turn again. Other movies had Michael played by bulky stuntment who could "take bumps" (wrestling term) and flop around like a suffocating trout. Nick Castle plays Michael like he's supposed to be... a robotic-mannered killing machine, soulless and precise. On and ending note, going back to my ranking of the ten original movies, I'd situate this one fourth... still behind Halloween (1978), the original Halloween II and Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers. I mean that; Halloween (2018) is pretty sweet, you should check it out.