The OTHER Terminator Movies: A Review of "Terminator Genisys"

"Sarah, I have to go to the bahthroom." "That's crazy, Terminators don't go to the bathroom."
"I have an elderly grandpa subroutine installed where I now need assistance urinating, to keep up appearances!"
"What? Are you--?" "GET TO THE CRAPPAH! GO NOOOW!"

Ok, so. I know it goes without saying usually that with the first two Terminator movies, it's pretty much agreed that Arnold Schwarzenegger is what makes a Terminator a Terminator. Like, with his catchphrases, his accent, his stern dialogue, his presence. He's part of, if not the whole reason why the series has the charm it has, at least with it's cyborg ant/protagonist. So after Terminator Salvation went off with mixed reviews and a moderate box office return, it seemed like there was an initiative made to halt all production of any more Terminator movies that didn't involve Arnold on camera. There was only one problem: Arnold was busy being Governor of California, a term that didn't end until 2011. His first starring role back from the Governor-ship was 2013's The Last Stand. Once Arnold came back full-steam ahead, people started wondering when his time back in the Terminator spotlight would come again.

"Kids, be sure of the piercings you want to get in your teen
years. This is what the repair job looks like!"

That question was answered with the fifth film in the franchise. 2015's Terminator Genisys, that would star the Austrian Oak back in the franchise for the first time since 2003's Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines. Arnold being back could only spell good things for the franchise, right? Even at his advanced age? Heck, I was stoked! That is... until more news about the movie came out as the release date rolled near. In fact, I had written a short post about the development of Terminator Genisys nearly a decade ago as one of this blog's first posts back before I could figure out what I wanted to do with it. I was... rather distressed. You can read it for fun here.

...and it's honestly fair to say I was onto something because I caught Terminator Genisys in theaters that following summer in 2015, and it stunk... and it still stinks something foul. I thought Arnold's grandiose return to the franchise would merit better material than this, but this is just lazy. It's just dumb. It's just pointless, needless; no need to even exist. The effects are too-Star Wars prequel-y, the story laughably throws out any prior canon in the story and what it brings it... I just flat do not care for, and the casting of literally everybody feels like a giant misstep. Yes, even with Arnold. Let's rip apart what I consider a giant misstep that resulted in a failure to launch a new trilogy in Terminator Genisys.

In 2029, Human Resistance leader John Connor (horribly miscast Jason Clarke) launches a final offensive against Skynet, an artificial general intelligence system seeking to eliminate the human race. Before the Resistance can triumph, Skynet activates a time machine and sends a T-800/Model 101 Terminator back to 1984, to kill John's mother Sarah (horribly miscast Emilia Clarke). John's right-hand man, Kyle Reese (horribly miscast Jai Courtney), volunteers to travel back in time to protect her. As Kyle floats in the machine's magnetic field, he sees John being attacked by another Resistance soldier (Doctor Who's Matt Smith). This creates a temporal paradox that alters the timeline and causes Kyle to experience childhood memories from a parallel version of himself. Right away... ugh. Just ugh. It's throwing confusing plot elements into a timeline thought bubble that is already ready to pop. Just... just ugh. Save this "parallel universe" stuff for Marvel, guys.

"Sarah, I'm baaaack." "Arnold, I'm Emilia, and yes we know
you came back to the franch--" "I am baaaaaaaaaaack."

When it arrives in Los Angeles 1984, Skynet's T-800 (Digitally de-aged Arnold Schwarzenegger) is disabled by Sarah and "Pops" (an appropriately aged Arnold Schwarzenegger), a reprogrammed T-800. Christ... how easy is it to reprogram a T-800? That's THREE we've met that have been reprogrammed. Oh I'm sorry, two. The other one was a T-850. Lord. Anyway, an unknown party had sent Pops to 1973 to protect Sarah when she was nine years old after her parents were killed by a T-1000 sent by Skynet. How many fucking Terminators are going back in time? Seriously? The timeline, which is trying to get a soft reboot, is now just riddled with holes like swiss cheese. On TOP of that... if it's sending a T-1000 back to 1973, why in the name of HELL is it sending a lesser-advanced T-800 back to 1984? Why not just send T-1000s everywhere, anytime? What would that stop you, you're already drastically confusing the shit out of me. Why stop there?!

Anywho... when Kyle arrives in 1984, he is intercepted by the T-1000 (Byung-Hun Lee), which Sarah and Pops destroy with acid. Oh, acid? Why didn't they think of that in T2?! ACID! Sarah and Pops have constructed a makeshift time machine like Skynet's... yep, in fucking 1984... and the government, the police; nobody knows about it. Remember what Doc said in Back to the Future Part III about rebuilding the shorted out microchip with 1955 components? Yeah, they don't give a shit here. You want a time machine in 1984? Sure why they hell not. We're dumb Hollywood writers, we're already getting paid. 

I stopped caring at this point and was begging this movie to be over in the theater (I never walk out of the theater at these prices, I suffer through every last minute). It turns out Sarah plans to stop Skynet by traveling to 1997, the year it becomes self-aware... wait, I thought it became self aware in 2003? You know when the Rise of the Machines happened? Fuck. There's something else that I guess just doesn't matter anymore. However, realizing that the timeline has been altered, Kyle is convinced that the future has also changed. He recalls a warning he received in his childhood vision, convincing Sarah that they instead must travel to 2017 to stop Skynet. After fighting the T-1000, Pops has sustained exterior damages that prevent him from time-traveling. He stays in 1984 and plans to meet up with Kyle and Sarah in the future, preparing for their arrival in the meantime. What could he do in that thirty-three year wait? I don't know, maybe assassinate the people who would lead to Skynet's inception in the first place?

"Don't worry John. I will protect Sarah in the past!"
"Woah, nice schlong dad. No wonder Mom jumps your
bones in 1984!"
"What?" "What?!"

In 2017, Kyle and Sarah materialize in the middle of a busy San Francisco highway and are apprehended by city police. While they are treated for injuries, Sarah and Kyle learn that Skynet is called "Genisys"—a soon-to-be-unveiled global operating system which is embraced by the public. So yeah... they're taking subtle shots at Apple and iOS. Do you get it? Ha ha ha... I'm riddled with the lols. John suddenly appears and rescues Sarah and Kyle. Pops arrives and unexpectedly shoots John, revealing that John is now an advanced Terminator. How does he know this? Well, remember the beginning of the film? The resistance soldier who attacked John is revealed to have been Skynet in physical disguise as a Terminator... I guess... While Kyle was traveling back in time, Skynet attacked John and infected him with machine phase matter. What is machine phase matter? Nobody even remotely explains it. John, tasked with ensuring Skynet's creation, traveled back in time to assist Cyberdyne Systems with the development of Genisys, hence securing Skynet and its machines' rise. Pops fights John before trapping him long enough for them to escape.

A day before Skynet's worldwide attack, Sarah, Kyle, and Pops retreat to a safe house and make final preparations to destroy Cyberdyne's Genisys mainframe. They head toward Cyberdyne's headquarters with John in close pursuit. During an airborne chase, Pops dive-bombs into John's helicopter and causes it to crash. John survives the crash and enters the Cyberdyne complex, where it advances the countdown from thirteen hours to fifteen minutes. How it can advance the clock from thirteen hours to fifteen minutes and, you know, not just go self-aware is beyond me. Kyle, Sarah, and Pops plant bombs at key points in the facility while holding off John. In a final battle, Pops traps John in the magnetic field of a prototype time machine. Both are destroyed, but just before the explosion the remains of Pops are flung out of the apparatus into a nearby experimental vat of mimetic polyalloy... Christ so being like a T-3000 or whatever it's listed as in the credits means nothing when a geriatric Austrian T-800 can still hand you your ass. Kyle and Sarah reach a bunker beneath the facility and the explosion sets off the bombs, preventing Genisys from coming online. Pops appears, upgraded with mimetic polyalloy components like that of the T-1000, and helps them escape from the debris.

This scene serves two purposes: 1) Either give you warm
memberberries while you watch, or 2) gives you a reminder
there are better Terminator movies out there.

The trio travels to Kyle's childhood home, where Kyle tells his younger self about Genisys and instructs him to repeat the warning to himself, securing the trio's arrival from 1984. Sarah, Kyle, and Pops drive off into the countryside. A mid-credits scene reveals that the system core of Genisys, located in a protected subterranean chamber, has survived the explosion... yaaaaaayy.............

Only we don't get to see what became of Genisys because Terminator Genisys quite frankly was a monumental load of tripe upon release. The fact it had Arnold back wasn't enough to save it. Playing a geriatric Terminator doesn't really bode well without decent reasoning. I've already griped about the Terminators being sent back in time basically at will at this point. A T-800 and T-1000 to 1973, a T-800 to 1984, a T-800 and T-1000 to 1995... it never ends. The worst part is Skynet/Genisys is sending these Terminators back to aaaall these different points in time and they're aaaaall failing. Like why even have the issue of beating Skynet in the future? What level of difficulty are they? Easy mode? Most likely!

I've also subtly griped at what I perceive to be glaring miscasts in these roles. They could have at least tried to nail down someone who looked similar to the past roles, but these are so glaring it basically makes me feel like I'm watching a third-rate high school put on a play about The Terminator. I never really have seen a performance in which Jason Clarke wowed me. Even in Dawn of the Planet of the Apes which I reviewed earlier this year. Jai Courtney I think is one colossal dud. He just seems so hammy in everything it's like "Dude, tone it down, you're the father of the savior of the planet... let's be a little less over-the-top demanding here." Michael Biehn nailed the role in '84, say no more. Emilia Clarke I can go either way on... it sometimes feels like she's trying, but again she bears so little resemblance to Linda Hamilton playing a character I've seen 1000x that it's hard for me to even remember she is Sarah Connor. Even Arnold... poor Arnold... doesn't even feel like he's giving it is all anymore in this movie.

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The opening recreation in 1984 just before geriatric Arnold shows up at least tries to suck the viewer in by showing us what we remembered we like... but then the swerve comes and the movie just takes off, seizing like a failing vibrator and falling down the stairs. Like, the T-800 sent to 1984 was shown in The Terminator to be a very formidable foe. Taking bullets, fire, car crashes; all that stuff head-on and keep on coming. In this movie's opening it's defeated rather easily, one sniper shot to the chest. The shot pierces it and somehow shuts it down completely. Don't remember them trying that in The Terminator! Shooting it? Noooo...

On top of that, this movie got a wicked big endorsement from James Cameron! That's right, while he was filming Avatar: The Way of Water, he filmed a recorded endorsement. I remember the phrase "I feel like the franchise is reinvigorated, like this is a renaissance!" Yeah, ok. It's one of the biggest disagreements with JC that I've had... but is there ONE thing I can say nicely about this movie? Just one thing? Yes. It's rendition of the classic Terminator theme (called "Terminated" on its score album) is one of the best ones I've heard, arguably the best since T2. Very pounding, but very tragic in its tone; marvelous. Shout out to Lorne Balfe for nailing it.

I'd say skip Terminator Genisys. It's easily the weakest entry in the franchise so far. It doesn't really count in the storyline narrative and it retcons a ton of stuff to set up a ton of new stuff that didn't happen because this film underperformed at the box office, and with critics & fans alike. So it really is ultimately kind of pointless now. It kind of just floats there like the wreckage of a plane that landed in the ocean, bobbing along, taking on water before eventually just sinking out of existence forever.