The OTHER Terminator Movies: A Review of "Terminator Salvation"

"I've heard of having rubbery facial features before, but this is ridiculous!"

Happy Thursday! Once again, I'll be out of town for the weekend 'til Monday. Therefore, you're getting a bonafide Cody B. review a day early. My gift to you. I'll throw in a Sham-Wow (if they still make those) for an additional $39.95. Why so expensive for one Sham-Wow? You know, inflation and all.

"Sorry about my face, I hit a road bump and spilled
my McDonald's premium roast coffee."

Continuing on our trek through the sludge-side of the Terminator franchise, we leave Terminator 3 in the dust and continue on into the 2000s. Arnold leaves the Hollywood spotlight for, instead, the California Governor's chair spotlight. Something we never thought would happen. I still think that was a thing where everybody didn't care for the politics of it all or who stood on what side, I think it was more a thing of "Yeah let's vote for Arnold, you know what I mean?" Anywho, so the Terminator saga chugged along without its chief Mickey Mouse-level mascot. As early as late-2007 when I was a freshman in high school is when I first heard hearsay about a fourth film. "What? Without Arnold?" Yep! You see, the reasoning was that Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines showed, you know... the rise of the machines. Ergo, we didn't need the Austrian Oak for any more time travel hijinks. It was all going to take place during the war. The machines had already risen! There was no point in the past left to travel back to! Terminator 3 slammed the door shut on that idea (or so we thought).

Now we're in the era of the war against the machines. Leading the way, fresh off The Dark Knight is none other than Batman himself, Christian Bale, as John Connor; a soldier in the human resistance and the prophesized leader and savior of humanity. Playing his wife KAH-THRINE BREW-STAH now in lieu of Claire Danes is Bryce Dallas Howard. You also have Sam Worthington, Michael Ironside, Helena Bonham Carter, and Anton Yelchin in the franchise now too. Directed by McG... yes that is the name he chose... does this one hold up? Does it compare? Does it support the mythos? Well... it certainly looks like it could. Let's get started:

This T-800 endoskeleton arcing it's neck like
"Watchu talkin' 'bout Willis?"

In 2003, Dr. Serena Kogan (Helena Bonham Carter) of Cyberdyne Systems convinces death row inmate Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington) to sign over his body for medical research following his execution. Sometime later, the automated Skynet system is activated and becomes self-aware; perceiving humans as a threat to its existence, it starts a nuclear holocaust to eradicate them in the event known as "Judgment Day". You know that whole story by this point, right? Well fasten your seatbelts, strap on your thinking caps and comfy, because these sequels are going to REMIND you. Fast forward to the distant future (lol) of 2018, John Connor (Christian Bale) orchestrates an attack on a Skynet base, where he discovers prisoners and schematics in a laboratory for incorporating living tissue into a new type of Terminator, which he recognizes as the T-800 model. "Back in my day, we knew this as the Governor of California!" No he doesn't say that, but he does react with horrified anticipation. John survives an explosion on the base, which is destroyed. Following John's departure, Marcus emerges from the base's wreckage and begins walking toward Los Angeles... how is Marcus alive? What's going on now? All questions that will be answered in a very half-assed manner!

John returns to the Resistance headquarters located aboard a nuclear submarine and is briefed by General Ashdown (Michael Ironside... a rare instance where both the character and the actor have badass names) that the Resistance has discovered a hidden signal containing a code protocol that they believe can initiate a shutdown of Skynet's machines. Why is Skynet broadcasting a signal that can be utilized and reversed to shut down their own machines? Why is the Resistance dumb enough to believe this is a key to winning the war? All these questions will be answered in a very half-assed manner! The Resistance plans to launch an offensive against Skynet's headquarters in San Francisco. It is decided among the Resistance that the offensive will commence in four days, due to an intercepted kill list created by Skynet, which plans to kill the Resistance's leaders within the same time frame. John learns he is second on this list, following Kyle Reese... (Anton Yelchin). The Resistance leaders do not understand Kyle's importance, but John knows that Kyle will eventually travel back in time and become his father and realizes that Skynet has learned this. Michael Biehn was not asked to reprise the role for obvious age reasons, but kinda sad they didn't digitally slap his face on Anton Yelchin's body like they would for a certain robot later (Oops, spoilers).

"If Indiana Jones can stand this close to a nuke and
not go sterile, surely the leader of the Human
Resistance can!"

Arriving at the ruins of Los Angeles, Marcus encounters Kyle and a mute child named Star (Jadagrace Berry) during a skirmish with Skynet's machines. Kyle and Star are subsequently abducted and taken prisoner by Skynet. Two Resistance A-10 airplanes are shot down while trying to intercept a machine transport. Marcus locates downed pilot Blair Williams (Moon Bloodgood), and they make their way to John's base, where Marcus is wounded by a magnetic land mine. Attempting to save his life, the Resistance fighters discover that Marcus is a cyborg, with a cybernetic endoskeleton and a partially artificial cerebral cortex. Although Marcus insists that he is human, John and his wife Kate (Bryce Dallas Howard) suspect that Marcus has been sent to execute them, and John orders him to be killed. Blair helps Marcus escape... unknownst to her could trigger a possible program in Marcus to kill John Connor and derail the Resistance, but what does she know, she's horny for a robot. During the pursuit, Marcus saves John's life from Skynet's hydrobots (yes, hydrobots) and the two make a bargain: Marcus will enter Skynet's headquarters in San Francisco to help John rescue Kyle and the other prisoners if he lets him live.

John pleads with General Ashdown to delay the offensive so he can formulate a plan to extract the human captives, but Ashdown refuses and relieves John of his command. However, the Resistance disobeys Ashdown's orders and instead awaits John's signal. Marcus enters the base, interfaces with the computer, and disables perimeter defenses so that John can release the prisoners. Marcus learns from Skynet (which assumes the form of Dr. Kogan on a screen) that he was resurrected by it to lure John to the base; when the Resistance launches its attack, John will be killed, achieving Skynet's goal. The hidden signal that the Resistance received earlier is revealed to be a ruse, and Skynet uses it to track down and destroy the Resistance command submarine.  That's a... a really roundabout scheme by an A.I. just to kill one guy. I see where Skynet is coming from, but at the same time, yeesh that seems like overkill.

How you and your friends look at the two-seater
Uber when three of you need a ride.

Refusing to accept his fate, Marcus tears out the hardware linking him to Skynet and leaves to aid John. How that doesn't kill him, how Skynet didn't anticipate a possible betrayal, why Skynet gave him the will to do this on his own without a contingency plan to nuke his brain upon betrayal; all great questions that the movie will even try to half-ass. John locates Kyle and Star, but they are ambushed by a T-800 Terminator... played by Roland Kickinger, but with Arnold Schwarzenegger's 1984 likeness digitally wrapped around his mug. As Kyle and Star escape, Marcus appears and fights the T-800 while John rigs together nuclear fuel cells to destroy the facility. Marcus is soon outclassed in strength and temporarily disabled until John comes to his aid, after which John is stabbed through the chest by the T-800 from behind. Marcus destroys the T-800 by tearing its head off and he, John, Kyle, and Star are airlifted out. John detonates the explosives, destroying a stockpile of Skynet's weapons, including the T-800s, with the base. At a field hospital, John's injury is deemed terminal, so Marcus offers his heart for transplantation, sacrificing himself to save John. As he recovers, John radios to other Resistance fighters that, although this battle has been won, the war continues...

That is Terminator Salvation. For being the first real Arnold-less film in the franchise, it isn't terrible. It's got action beats, it's got story development, it's got peril, and some good dialogue. Best of all thus far, it didn't rely on the time-travel trope like Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines recycled. That being said, I do have some gripes. First of all, while I think he's a terrific actor, Christian Bale doesn't really do it as John Connor for me. I can tell the Bat-voice from Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, which has been lampooned since YouTube has even been a thing, wore him to the point of a horrible rasp. He talks like Rod Stewart sings in this movie. I don't know if it was intentional or what but it sounds like the poor guy needs water 24/7! TAKE A SIP'a WATER, MR. BALE! Not to mention, this is the movie whose behind-the-scenes was the source of Christian Bale's blow-up at director of photography, Shane Hurlbut, that leaked, and was subsequently meme'd the hell out of.

"Christian, quit pointing the gun at me." - McG
"Pa-choo, pa-choo... gotcha." - Christian Bale

On top of that, I didn't like that this was also the first Terminator film to be rated PG-13 upon release. Terminator movies up until this point have been hard-R action films, with some fucks, fuckings, and fuckers thrown around for flavorful, gritty dialogue. Maybe some nudity in there as well for good measure! (Lookin' at you, Arnold's DONG), but this PG-13 Terminator movie seems weak on the grit. It tries to make up for it with excellent cinematography and action, and to some degree it works, but still... it's something only James Cameron was able to pull off with class so far. At least it felt nice being a Terminator movie I could, at the time, see without parental guardians having to accompany me. Moving on!

Plus the inexplicable addition of the cyborg-human hybrid technology in Marcus in 2018, before when the OG movies showed the future of 2029, makes no sense and tears a plot hole in the story the size of San Andreas. Everybody knows that in The Terminator, Kyle decress the 800 series Terminators with flesh-covering were new, and he time-traveled from the year 2029. Terminator Salvation instead shows us 2018 and claims that the T-800s were new then and there. I'm not sure if they described it as the past movies' events altering the timeline to the point the T-800s were created earlier or what, but it isn't explained very well in this movie. Not to mention if it did change the timeline, would Kyle Reese even be John Connors' father in the past? Who knows.

Look I am getting way off topic and too into the lore right now, but you can see why the Terminator franchise is often lambasted for its shitty timeline and continuing narrative. It's timeline is often the butt of jokes and is considered one of the worst franchises to try and follow any semblance of theoretical temporal-displacement logic. It just makes shit up on the fly. That being said... and finally reaching the conclusion, Terminator Salvation, much like Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, in my opinion... is ok. It has its ups, and its downs, its so-sos and it's no-nos, but ultimately it is a watchable movie and I suppose a decent entry in the franchise. It's not one I watch frequently, hell I actually forget the last time I watched it; I didn't bother renewing my viewership for this blog post... but I maintain it is watchable and I do like it somewhat. Just again, not as much as the first two films. Give it a watch if you want to see for yourself!