Ranking the "Star Trek" Movies: #4 - Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

"Hello Computer?"

America was just fresh off the immense success of the hit comedy adventure sci-fi movie Back to the Future, so time-travel was kind of "in", I guess. Well, Star Trek had already attempted a few time-travel episodes in the original series in the 60s, but never attempted it in a major motion picture...until now! Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home comes hot-off the tail of Star Trek III: The Search for Spock where we witnessed Kirk and his comrades steal the Enterprise, destroy it, fight the Klingons for the secrets of the Genesis device, reunite Spock with his katra and successfully resurrect him. Now, they remain stranded on Vulcan in a Klingon star cruiser with almost no way home. This is where Star Trek IV picks up.

Stop! In the name of Spock!

In 2286, an enormous cylindrical probe moves through space, sending out an indecipherable signal and disabling the power of any ships it passes. It kind of looks like a bratwurst that someone leaves on a charcoal grill too long. The little blue sphere hanging right below it is like its disco ball extension, but that's just me. As it takes up orbit around Earth, the signal it emits disables the global power grid and generates planetary storms, creating catastrophic, sun-blocking cloud cover. Starfleet Command sends out a planetary distress call and warns starships not to approach Earth. So it seems like the galaxy just can't catch a break, especially Starfleet. Where's James T. Kirk where you need him--oh wait. Apparently, Starfleet thinks Kirk is in trouble, having violated many orders and, oh gee, stealing and destroying the USS Enterprise, which probably at least a billion-dollar starship.

On the planet Vulcan right where we left them, the former officers of the USS Enterprise are living in exile. Accompanied by the Vulcan Spock (Leonard Nimoy), still recovering from his resurrection, the crew — except for Saavik (Robin Curtis), who remains on Vulcan — take their captured Klingon Bird of Prey (renamed the Bounty, after the Royal Navy ship) and return to Earth to face trial for their actions. Hearing Starfleet's warning, Spock determines that the probe's signal matches the song of extinct humpback whales, and that the object will continue to wreak havoc until its call is answered. So, yeah. Star Trek IV is turning into an anti-whale hunting campaign. Not like Star Trek to make some kind of political statement, am I right? I make me laugh. Anywho, the crew uses their stolen Klingon ship to travel back in time via a slingshot maneuver around the Sun--it's already fucking inconceivable, but it didn't need the whole "warp 10, 25 Gs, thing"--planning to return with a whale to answer the alien signal. So, Kirk and company's plan is to go back in time, steal a humpback whale or two, and return to the present to answer the alien probe's signal. Doc Brown would be shitting a chicken right now about paradoxes, but Kirk killed him on Genesis so no wonder there's no pushback here.

"Gentlemen, does anyone else smell that?"

Following this ridiculous manuever, the crew arrives in 1986, only to find their ship's power drained. I guess doing warp 10 sling-shotting around the sun isn't very energy efficient. Hiding their ship in San Francisco's Golden Gate Park using its cloaking device, and after Kirk yelling "double dumbass on you" at a taxi driver, the crew splits up to accomplish several tasks: Admiral James T. Kirk (William Shatner) and Spock attempt to locate the humpback whales to destroy history with by stealing them, while Montgomery Scott (James "Dear God, I need a new agent" Doohan), Leonard "Bones" McCoy (DeForest Kelley), and Hikaru Sulu (George Takei) construct a tank to hold the whales they need for a return to the 23rd century. Uhura (Nichelle Nichols) and Pavel Chekov (Walter Koenig) are tasked to find a nuclear reactor, whose energy leakage can be collected and used to re-power the Klingon vessel. Shows you just how far technology has come since the 20th century...not very far. Plus, Scotty and Bones fuck up history even more by giving the proprietor of the tank construction a 22nd century formula for transparent aluminum, royally screwing up history even more. It does have one of Scotty's best moments though, picking up the Macintosh mouse and saying "Hello Computer?" trying to get it to work. Classic stuff.

The disco-ball toting, whale-hunting probe

Kirk and Spock discover a pair of whales in the care of Dr. Gillian Taylor (Catherine Hicks) at a Sausalito aquarium, and learn they will soon be released into the wild. Gillian's angry about this because the whales will no doubt succumb to whaling boats and be turned into blubber and chewing gum. That, and that Kirk and Spock also let her 7th Heaven husband, Willard Decker, bond with V'Ger three movies ago and die, leaving her and her insane kids to grow up on their own. Tough break for prime time broadcasting. Kirk tells her of his mission, pretty nonchalantly, and asks for the tracking frequency for the whales, but she refuses to cooperate. She's the smart one. Lord knows that Kirk stealing them from 1986 would fuck up the future somehow. Meanwhile, Uhura and Chekov locate a nuclear powered ship, the aircraft carrier Enterprise (wacka-wacka). They collect the power they need, but are discovered on board. Uhura is beamed back but Chekov is captured, and subsequently severely injured in an escape attempt. Way to try and not be useless, Chekov, ya Russian dingbat.

"See? We saved our production budget just by slapping an 'A'
on the old model. React, adapt, and overcome."

Taylor learns the whales have been released early, and goes to Kirk for assistance, going back on her original bout of intelligence by allowing Kirk to beam them up and steal them from 1986. Taylor, Kirk, and McCoy rescue Chekov from a nearby hospital and return to the now recharged Bird of Prey. After transporting the whales aboard the ship, the crew returns with Taylor to their own time, which was just...a silly thing to do. She has no family or husband in 1986 to stay with? She just decides to abandon everything and time jump to Kirk's time and start a new life. What the fuck? Also, the way she agrees to go Kirk's time period with them is so dangerous. She leaps into his arms just as the transporter beam hits them. She's damn lucky it didn't scramble her molecules and rebuild her and Kirk into some twisted, genetic hybrid on the transporter pad. On approaching Earth, the ship loses power and comes down in San Francisco Bay, resulting in a pretty cool scene involving a harpoon gun bouncing off the cloaked ship's hull. Once released from near-drowning, the whales respond to the probe's signal, causing the object to reverse its effects on Earth and return to the depths of space from whence it came. Later on, the entire cast of the TV show (including Spock who did nothing wrong) stand court martial for what they did in Star Trek III. For their part in saving the planet, all charges against the Enterprise crew are dropped, save one for disobeying a superior officer, leveled solely at Kirk. Kirk is demoted from Admiral to the rank of Captain and returned to the command of a starship. Kirk and Gillian part ways as she has been assigned to a science vessel by Starfleet. Which is fucking weird, again, because she has no clue what science has done in the past three-hundred years. She's eons behind her crew members. They're just setting her up for failure--oh never mind. Kirk's crew, meanwhile departs on their ship, the newly christened USS Enterprise-A and leaves on a shakedown mission.

Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home is a lot of fun, albeit pretty silly. The characters go through fun little escapades with each other, the story is at least compelling though it isn't very original, and it's great to see some comedy come from the characters that isn't painful as it was in Star Trek V. It's corny, but it's fun and it's a pretty great adventure, even giving birth some popular lines often quoted by Trekkies to this day. This is definitely one you should watch. If you can look past the wonky elements that don't really make much sense, it's a fun one. Next up, we'll tackle what many, many Trekkies often consider the greatest Star Trek movie of them all.