A Review of "The Founder" (2016)

So I came home with my Taco Bell yesterday and was surfing through both my Blu-Ray collection and Netflix to find something to watch. I searched and I searched but anything I came across, either I wasn't in the mood to watch it for the five-thousandth time, I hadn't seen it and no interest in seeing it, or I had seen it and still had no desire to see it again.

Then I came across The Founder. What is The Founder, you might ask? Well, it's a biographical film about Ray Kroc. You probably, without Googling it like a cheating bastard, have no clue who Ray Kroc was. I didn't have a clue who Ray Kroc was, I will admit. Well, you know that dollar menu having, happy meal toting, quarter-pounder-with-cheese selling, red-roofed, golden-arched, nationwide establishment that gets a ton of hate for having too many food additives as well as serving one percent of the world's population every single day? Ray Kroc is responsible for purchasing and globalizing the brand "McDonald's". This movie is an adaptation of that. If they can make an adaptation about this subject, they can make an adaptation about anything. I hope one day they do a biopic about the world's first quesarito crunchwrap and how it changed America.

L-R: Nick Offerman as Richard "Dick" McDonald,
John Caroll Lynch as Maurice "Mac" McDonald

Anywho, the movie opens in 1954, Missouri. Ray Kroc (played by Michael Keaton) is a struggling milkshake maker salesman who's denied time and time again for his device that can make five milkshakes at once as opposed to the one that most machines typically make. Many buyers scoff at the offer seeing as how there's no business with a high-enough demand to make five milkshakes at a time. Until he gets a call from his secretary, June Martino (Kate Kneeland) about an order that was placed for six of his five-maker machines. He calls the restaurant that made the order to confirm it. Richard "Dick" McDonald picks up the phone and confirms the order, stating now they need eight as opposed to six because of the high demand. Ray then drives cross country, Missouri to San Bernardino, California to find this restaurant. He comes across "McDonald's 15-cent Hamburgers". He orders a hamburger, fries and a Coca-Cola for 35 cents (GOD THE 1950's MUST'VE BEEN SO FUCKING COOL) and has the order delivered to him immediately after ordering it, shocking him at the speed of the food prep. He meets the McDonald's brothers (Nick Offerman as Dick and John Caroll Lynch as Maurice) in the restaurant and what follows is an hour and a half of Ray committing practical robbery of their name and restaurant practices to franchise the McDonald's name across the entire country, other countries, and by 1970, building "a fast food empire that generates $700 million a year".

But that's just the real story of McDonald's and how two brothers with ground-breaking ideas were swindled and cast aside as Ray Kroc takes their ideas to the next level and turns McDonald's into the corporate powerhouse it is today. The movie even details some of the struggles Ray goes through to generate enough capital to ensure his venture's success. He even goes behind the brothers' backs quite frequently. The most notably is something that sounds like actually happened to McDonald's. Ray finds himself financially swamped by the rigors of running walk-in refrigerators to store and chill all the ice-cream necessary for the milkshakes. To cut costs and increase revenue, he trades the real milk & ice-cream in refrigerators for "Inst-a-mix" simulated milkshake powder. Because, you know, it's not like McDonald's to cut corners on food quality or anything.

Michael Keaton and "McDonald's #1"

The real triumph of the movie is not just the adaptation of actual events, but the witty and persevering performance of Michael Keaton. I've given Michael Keaton a ton of credit for his acting credit in this blog...mostly for Batman but that's not the point. As Ray Kroc, Keaton is driving and commanding, while still retaining even a little bit of that goofy Keaton charm we remember from his late 80's, early 90's comedy movies. Keaton's seen kind of a resurgence here lately with Birdman and that shit-ass remake of RoboCop, so it's good to see that he continues to give awesome performances even at this point in his career. See that? He doesn't even need to wear pointy ears or talk to ghosts to be credit-worthy. Take that, society!

The rest of the cast all do their jobs pretty well. B.J. Novak, whom you might remember as Ryan Howard in The Office, plays Harry Sonneborn. The real Harry Sonneborn worked with Ray Kroc to revise his business plan to make it more fruitful for him. B.J. does a good job there. Laura Dern even stars as Kroc's wife Ethel, prior to divorcing him so he could marry his more famous wife Joan, played by Linda Cardellini. If you've ever watched Scooby-Doo from 2002, she played Velma. That's right. Fucking Velma is in this movie. Nite Owl from Watchmen is in here too, but of course, Patrick Wilson feels like he's in everything these days. He just pops up and "Oh my God, it's Patrick Wilson!"

An original design of McDonald's restaurants that is shown
prominently in the movie

The tone of The Founder goes off the rails as the movie progresses. You get to find out what a douche Ray Kroc was to the McDonald's brothers, as he extorts their name for his own personal gain. He starts buying the land that he franchises the McDonald's restaurants on so he can charge franchisees a fee to sit there and cook burgers. The movie goes from a triumphant feeling of partnership and a will to succeed to bitterness and regret as the McDonald's brothers, now ripped off and angry that their restaurant has been stolen from them, negotiate a bum deal that wouldn't even be worth spitting on. They each take a $1.35 million payout and negotiate for 1% of the annual gross profits of "The McDonald's Corporation" from here on out. The movie's epilogue tells you for the rest of their lives, they never saw a dime of any 1% payout per year. Nick Offerman gives a noteworthy performance as the bitter, apprehensive Dick (how fitting) McDonald, while John Caroll Lynch gives a lovable one as Maurice McDonald, the more ambitious and open brother. It's Maurice who goes into diabetic shock whilst screaming at Ray on the phone and it ultimately shows that he and his brother Dick have no choice in the end to settle on Ray's offer so Ray can continue being a global fast-food emperor. They didn't even get any Happy Meal toys. Shame, shame.

So yes, I enjoyed The Founder. Is it Oscar-worthy? Maybe not, but it tells a good story on a fascinating subject. For years, I used to wonder how McDonald's got so big and powerful and yet I never even bothered looking up the story. In 2017, McDonald's is a changed corporation. It has the notoriety of being cheap food that isn't very healthy and isn't worth making yourself sick over eating. I eat a lot of McDonald's, so I can vouch that the quality varies day-to-day. It's just cool to see that everything has a backstory, and McDonald's has a fascinating one. It's also great to see the McDonald's restaurant in its heyday. Before the quality-corner-cutting and the food additives, the "McDonald's coffee cup" lawsuit, the filthy Play-Places, the cheap fucking Happy Meal toys, there was Ray Kroc and the 30-second hamburger. Give it a watch if you got some time. It's entertaining to say the least.

The only thing I'm disappointed by is that there was no backstory to the Happy Meal toy, or the Play-Place. Michael Keaton crawling around a tube with six-year-olds being like "Oh this is a good fucking idea".

Cody's Top 30 Favorite Movies of All-Time: #24 - The Fugitive

"I didn't kill my wife!"
"I don't care!"

The 1993 film adaptation of the 60's TV series about Dr. Richard Kimble, the man wrongly convicted of killing his wife and sentenced to death, who then escapes custody to prove his innocence.

Richard Kimble, played by Harrison Ford, comes home one night from an emergency surgery to find his wife has been brutally attacked by a one-armed man with a gun. Kimble fights with the man but he escapes. Kimble is then arrested and charged with the murder of his wife. Due to the lack of evidence to prove the one-armed man's existence, let alone involvement, Kimble is sentenced to death at the Illinois Department of Corrections. During their transfer for incarceration, the other inmates on the bus stage a breakout attempt and kill the bus driver by having one of the prisoners swallow a pill that makes his mouth foam. In the ensuing struggle with the the guards, the bus tumbles off the road and onto a train track, where it's destroyed by a train with Kimble barely making it out. Kimble gets the guard key from another inmate and unlocks his shackles. Once on foot, he begins his escapade as a fugitive of the law.

Arriving on the scene hot on his tracks is Federal Marshall Samuel Gerard, played by Tommy Lee Jones. Tommy Lee Jones and his cohorts begin an all-out war sort-of investigation to find Kimble and bring him to justice. The rest of the movie is Kimble using his prevailing medical knowledge and investigative work to learn the truth behind his wife's murder, with Gerard and his fellow marshals following his every move. Soon, Kimble learns the real name of the one-armed man that killed his wife and moves to intercept him. However, he discovers more to the scheme than initially believed, that his wife was murdered in place of him when his good friend and colleague Dr. Charles Nichols learned that Kimble found out that an experiment drug he was pushing through for approval by the FDA was causing liver damage in its tests. Nichols decided to silence Kimble by hiring the one-armed man to kill him, but Kimble's wife was at home instead and got caught in the crossfire.

The movie ends with Kimble confronting Nichols at a Devlin-McGregor conference to promote the experimental drug "Provasic". Kimble and Nichols fight in the hotel and on the roof, leading back down to the laundry rooms in the basement. Gerard and his fellow marshal, Cosmo, confront the two of them in the basement. Gerard explains that he knows all about Frederick Sykes, the one-armed man, and he knows of Richard's innocence. Nichols is knocked out and taken into custody. Gerard lets Kimble ride in his car and unlocks his handcuffs as they leave the scene together.

The Fugitive is an adrenaline-pumping drama film that sees the wrongly convicted man prove his innocence against the world that doesn't believe him. His lawyer even advises that he turn himself in so that he can simply go back to jail quietly. Richard instead evades Gerard time and time again until his mission is complete. By the end, Gerard agrees that Kimble is innocent and moves to charge Nichols and Sykes with their crimes instead. Truly feelgood ending that sees Richard succeed in his mission and is permitted to return to his former life. Love this movie. Excellent story and well-acted throughout. Give it a watch if you haven't seen it. Ford and Jones kick ass in their roles and the movie is a fun two hour thrill ride of mystery, deceit, and redemption.

Cody's Top 30 Favorite Movies of All-Time: #25 - American Graffiti

One of the best coming-of-age films ever made, and it was surprisingly written by one of the worst dialogue masters of the world, Mr. George Lucas. Literally his only reputable source of entertainment that doesn't begin with the words "Star Wars".

The movie takes place in in a Southern California town. Five teenage friends spend their last night together in town before they break up and move onto the rest of their lives. Steve Bolander (Ron Howard) is prepared to split for college. His best friend Curt Henderson (Richard Dreyfuss) is not as ready, and spends the night reminiscing about his teenage life. Their friend Terry "The Toad" Fields (Charles Martin Smith) spends the night driving Steve's car around and trying to woo the interest of a random streetwalker he picked up, Debbie Dunham (Candy Clark). John Milner (Paul Le Mat) is a revered street racer in a yellow 1930's Deuce Coupe that is the envy of all the other street racers in the state, including one Bob Falfa (Harrison Ford) who spends the movie looking for Milner, demanding a race. Laurie Henderson (Cindy Williams), Steve's girlfriend, is struggling to deal with Steve departing for college and the fact that he spoke to her about taking their relationship to a new level by "seeing other people".

The movie progresses throughout the course of one night. Each of the teens have their own adventures and learning experiences in their "last night in town" together. Milner befriends a young girl named Carol when he asks a car-full of girls if any of them want a ride, but gets punked when 12-year-old Carol hitches a ride. Steve and Laurie attend their final high school dance together that night, and grow to learn that Steve's request to "see other people" won't help their relationship and he even decides that he doesn't want to go to college and instead wants to hang around town. Curt, on the opposite end, decides during his trip down memory lane that he should go forward to college and move on with his life. Even Toad befriends Debbie and together throughout the night grow close.

The movie ends with Bob Falfa finally finding Milner and demanding the race, which Milner agrees to. The race at Paradise Road ends with Falfa beginning to beat Milner, but he spins out and crashes. Milner laments to Toad that he knew Falfa was beating him but Toad works to convince Milner otherwise. He tries to convince Milner that he'll be the fastest thing in the valley even for years to come. Then the group of friends the following afternoon take Curt to the airport and see him off to school. The end of the film details the fates of each of the characters: "John is killed by a drunk driver in December 1964, Toad is reported missing in action near An Lộc in December 1965, Steve is an insurance agent in Modesto, California, and Curt is a writer living in Canada."

The movie had a sequel in 1979 called More American Graffiti, but I haven't seen it.

It's a phenomenal coming-of-age teen film from a period long ago. It shows what life was like when being a teenager in 1962. The tagline of the film is even "where were you in '62". Before smartphones, Facebook, texting, or YouTube. Basically even before the internet. Where all you needed was a "ten cent Coke, no ice" and a "take full of gas just to make one circuit". Stay out all night and cruise with your friends in big, steel American cars and meet new and interesting people. Street race, meet the real Wolfman Jack, dance to 50's rock and roll, and drink milkshakes at a drive-in. When life was cool to be alive. I definitely recommend it. It moves at kind of a slow pace, but what a story. What. A. Story. Watch it.

A Review of "The Defenders" Saga: Daredevil (season 1)

The release of the highly anticipated The Defenders Marvel Netflix crossover miniseries is almost upon us. (That was a mouthful).

Building up to this epic crossover of epicness are five series' that have been released periodically one after the other, starting with Marvel's Daredevil in April 2015. Following that was Marvel's Jessica Jones in late 2015, Daredevil season 2 in March 2016, Marvel's Luke Cage in September 2016, and Marvel's Iron Fist in March 2017. With Marvel's The Defenders a mere two weeks away from today, we're gonna take a look back at the series' that have come out, with my own two sense on them.

Marvel's Daredevil (season 1)
Season 1 of Daredevil was the first in The Defenders saga to be released on Netflix. It follows the story of Matt Murdock, a lawyer in Hell's Kitchen, New York that was blinded in his youth by a tragic accident involving hazardous chemicals. He grew up being trained by an old, blind ninja named Stick to fight and to utilize his condition to his advantage.

By day, he works in his own law firm with his lifelong friend and fellow lawyer, Franklin "Foggy" Nelson. The first episode of the series involves them rescuing and clearing the name of Karen Page, wrongly accused for killing an employee of Union Allied. In exchange for clearing her name, Karen volunteers to work as a secretary for "Nelson & Murdock: Attorneys at Law".

By night, Matt dresses up in all black, and wears a mask over most of his face and beats criminals to a pulp. Initially, he goes without a name, and characters in the show simply refer to him as "The man in black" or "the masked man". Doesn't roll off the tongue as well. It isn't until the very end of the season that Matt is given his trademark red suit and helmet, with the devil horns, and is officially christened as "Daredevil". In terms of comparing Charlie Cox's Daredevil to Ben Affleck's Daredevil, it's kind of hard for me. I'm going to say Cox's is superior, because of the fighting choreography and the character development, but there are times Cox seems a little too dry for me. Affleck's was dry too, but it was that trademark "Affleck dryness" that seems to present in most of his movies. Just that monotone rasp he's got going on in most of his movies.

Throughout the series, Matt works by day with Foggy and by night on his own as they dismantle a Russian human trafficking ring, a heroin production operation and the organized crime syndicate run by the mysterious "Wilson Fisk". Fisk is not in the first two episodes of the show and is only referred to ominously by his right-hand man, Wesley. Together with Leland Owlsely, Nobu, Madam Gao, and the Russian brothers Anatoly and Vladimir, he runs a group partnership to smuggle humans out of the country, selling heroin on the streets and laundering the money and the group receives to build large financial statuses for all of them. As the season progresses, Matt picks off each of the members of the syndicate one-by-one until working his way to the big showdown with Fisk at the end of the season as Daredevil.

The Daredevil costume is fantastic. The helmet looks a little hammy compared to the one we get in season 2, but when they spend the whole season building up to it, it's so worth it to see it. The mixture of red and black as well as having his batons with him give him that comic book feel you wait for when you watch it. Until this happens, as I said, Matt dresses in a simple all-black attire, including a ninja mask tied over the top of his head. It's base off of Frank Miller's interpretation of a pre-red suit "Daredevil" from The Man Without Fear.

The show is noticeably violent for being something produced out of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Charlie Cox, who portrays Matt Murdock / Daredevil, stated that it was "the darkest entry in the MCU at that time". The greatest, shining example of how fucking brutal this show is is the fight between the Masked Man and Nobu. Episode nine sees Matt dress up as the masked ninja and infiltrate one of Fisk's front warehouses in the docks. There, he encounters Nobu, who himself reveals to be a skilled warrior. The duel between them is epic, fast-paced and painful to watch. He dons a shoge hook and nearly eviscerates Matt in their fight. By the time Matt sets Nobu ablaze to win, he's so bloodied and weak that his fight against Wilson Fisk immediately afterwards isn't much of anything. He just gets his shit wrecked. Totally one-sided. But the fight choreography? Stellar. Absolutely stellar. Hypnotizing to watch. The end of episode two, the single-shot, single-take shot of Matt whaling on several Russians is great to watch.

Fisk is one of the greatest villains done in the MCU so far. Vincent D'Onofrio was a phenomenal choice for the role and he takes it and runs with it. You knew when they announced him as the Kingpin that he'd be badass whenever he's on screen. The only thing is the way he talks. I don't know if it's something in the comics or what but Fisk speaks with an almost autistic twitch in his words. I don't know if he was going for that or if that's just how D'Onofrio viewed the part, but sometimes it's intimidating and other times it sounds goofy. The way his face just contorts and he squeezes out syllables choked up by something is almost comical at times. Then you watch him literally kick the shit out of Anatoly and smash his head in a door frame and remember that he's a badass.

Ben Urich, famed reporter for what was originally the Daily Bugle, but had to get renamed the New York Bulletin due to Marvel not yet having the Spider-Man rights at this point. is noticeably present here in this season. He works with Karen Page about investigating the Union Allied scandal and eventually joins her, Matt and Foggy in bringing down Wilson Fisk. His is one of those "surprise deaths" that come in this season, given that he's one of the most important and popular characters in the Daredevil universe. Him and Wesley. That's right, Wesley gets the axe too, and I actually really enjoyed this interpretation of Wesley. A couple people I watched the series with didin't care for him, but I thought he was cool. Too fucking bad Karen shot him full of bullets randomly. I thought it was a dream or a hallucination, but nope! She annihilated him and he ain't coming back. Same with Urich. Fisk just randomly shows up in his house and strangles him to death. Dream? Hallucination? Fuck off!

Claire Temple becomes the only character in the Netflix MCU to appear in every show so far. Rosario Dawson does the usual job of making the character interesting, and I do enjoy her presence here in the first season of Daredevil. She seems to be a more centralized character here, often reporting to Matt when needed to patch him up when he gets messed up real bad.

Daredevil a great kick-off to the Defenders-verse and an excellent show to stand on its own. It's got the noir aspect down to a T. It's got action in boatloads with the fast-paced fight scenes and on-foot chases. With a compelling story that has several twists and turns, bumps and obstacles that change the course of events, the season is powerful in a minimal 13-episode run. Monumental storywriting, character development and, to put it bluntly, there are some scenes that are just downright bad to the bone. The bowling alley brawl, the various alley fights with Matt and the crooks, the episode with Vladimir and Matt buried in a warehouse, stuck trying to escape. Compelling dialogue between interesting characters across all thirteen episodes. It's easily come to be my favorite show on Netflix and it has cemented the character Daredevil my favorite comic-book superhero. The show is that good.

Catch me in a little while for the review of Marvel's Jessica Jones!

Ranking the Batmen

This time last year, I finished my "Ranking of the Batman Movies" Countdown, in which I named Tim Burton's 1989 classic Batman as my favorite and "the best" in my opinion. What I'd like to do now is go back over and re-hash the entire damn countdown.

*RE-HASH ALERT*

So we'll grab all of the Batmen from the motion pictures and rank them. It's your usual "Top 10" schtick, only this time we're ranking the Batmen themselves, not the movies they were in. Plus, I don't think there are actually ten of them. Obviously, there may be some you are able to guess, but we'll see! Let's bring on the Bat-ranks, as we Bat-rank the Bat-men in the Bat-top 10. Ready? Set? BAT!

...I need better jokes...

#7 - George Clooney (Batman & Robin)
You knew it was coming, didn't you? George Clooney set the standards for which all Bat-badness would be measured for all the movies coming after is. His blase, lame-ass, boring, uninspired, laid-back, non-Bat performance of Batman ranks up there with comic geeks and even movie critics as one of the most laughable comic book performances of all time. It's come out in recent years that Schumacher has apologized for making such a shit-heap comic book movie, but it's also been said that he chose to base the movie's jaw-dropping neon-nightclub presentation and goofy-ass Batman performance on that of the '66 Adam West TV series, but even that is putting it mildly. Basically speaking, when you look at Batman 1989 and then you follow the motion picture series all the way to Batman & Robin, the transition is pretty lousy. They are supposed to be the same Batman, after all. Clooney even followed in West's footsteps in not even changing his Bat-voice. He just talks like he normally does. His outfit is even really weird looking, even for a Schumacher Batfilm. The Bat-nipples are present. Sure, the first outfit throughout the movie isn't bad, but the one at the climax of the movie is just dumb to look at. Batman's supposed to be a dark, brooding figure of the night...not a celebratory nightclub aficionado who dresses in bright colors and makes public appearances. Batman & Robin is a dumbass Batman-movie, an even worse regular movie, and it isn't even remotely supported by the movie's own dark knight.

#6 - Adam West (Batman: The Movie)
Stepping up from George Clooney's performance is Adam West, the man who started it all for the live-action Batman performances. Unless you include the 1940's Batman serials, but hey, who does? Adam West is synonymous with the "campy" version of Batman. The "Bam! Zoom! Pow!" shit came from this show, and the dorky lines are here aplenty. Batman: The Movie is also home to one of my and probably a lot of people's favorite Batman moments. Batman has a bomb and needs to get rid of it. He's running through the pier and dodging several other innocent citizens. Just as he's getting ready to throw it into the river, he sees two people boating. He turns and simply utters "Some days, you just can't get rid of a bomb." Always classic. So yeah, West seems to suffer from the same thing Clooney does, but seeing as how West invented the style, it doesn't feel as painful. Plus, West's over-the-top delivery's work, even if they're the corniest shit you've ever heard. West has a somewhat-reliable following on the internet, so he gets a pass.

#5 - Val Kilmer (Batman Forever)
On the other side of the Schumacher spectrum, 1995's Batman Forever gave us Val Kilmer, Top Gun's Iceman, as the caped crusader. It's an interesting performance. Kilmer does his best Keaton-impression and only mildly alters his Bat-voice while he's in the suit. It's subtle, but still intimidating. But *sigh*, I'd be lying if I said that wouldn't be affected by his surroundings. It's got that Schumacher feel to the whole thing, still. Schumacher's Gotham City is known for being dressed in neon and presented liked it's the basement of a gay bar. Batman, unfortunately, suffers because of this. His suit bares distinct Bat-nipples...you know, for some reason. Everything's still bright and shiny whereas the proper Batman universe should be dark and somewhat gritty. Even in his ailing days, Bob Kane noted that Val was the "most accurate representation to his original idea for Batman" that there was. Strong words from the man who started it all.





#4 - Christian Bale (Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, and The Dark Knight Rises)
Now we come to the internet's favorite Batman. This is a Batman that somehow has an entire legion of comic book superfans in his corner. I say "somehow", because while I enjoy the movies he's in quite a bit, The Dark Knight especially, Christian Bale is a pretty 'meh' Batman. He has that whole "ninja" thing down and if you ask me, his best Batformance was in his first outing, Batman Begins. That's where he felt very Batman. He stalked his enemies from the shadows, he used tools and gadgets to his advantage, and even fought and dispatched dozens of enemies with ease. The Dark Knight was where Bale started phoning it in. The fighting style has improved, but dressing him like a tactical Black Ops operative with a helmet that just so happens to carry pointy ears kinda just makes him stop being Batman and start being "a guy dressed like Batman". He starts losing the whole mystique of being a shadowy figure of the night and more so "a guy dressed like he's being air-dropped for a night operation in Pakistan". The feeling that he's Batman kind of returns in The Dark Knight Rises, with hints at using the darkness to sneak up on his enemy, but it once again pulls a shade over the whole thing by having him fight in broad fucking daylight. The whole "painting my suit black" thing takes a backseat to sunlight, good sir.
Plus, there's the goddamn Bale Batman voice. I talked about it a ton in my countdown of the movies last summer, and the internet has lambasted it for a decade, so I won't get too into it. Just know it sounds like Clint Eastwood giving a Shakespearean monologue while trying to deep-throat driveway gravel. It sounds like marbles, beads and Hot Wheels cars getting sucked up by a vacuum cleaner. The Bat-voice isn't so bad, again, in Batman Begins but gets worse with the other two movies. So much worse.



#3 - Ben Affleck (Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, The Justice League, <Untitled Batman solo film>)
The guy we all thought would be the worst part of Batman v Superman that ended up being the best part. Ben Affleck's Batman portrayal was pretty great. It was moreso a violent fan-fiction version of Batman as opposed to an actual Hollywood presentation. Still, Ben Affleck's Batman has some badass moments and even created a crazy twist on coming up with the Bat-voice. Turns out a computer voice-pitch scrambler is all that was needed. Don't even need to growl or grumble, just need a computer. Affleck's outfit also got a pretty great update. A very "The Dark Knights Returns" tribute. However, maybe too much of The Dark Knight Returns played a role in Affleck's Batman. This Bruce Wayne is middle-aged, he's more bulky than streamlined, the emblem looks eerily similar, and he even has an exchange with a flamethrower henchman that's line-for-line straight out of the classic graphic novel. So, while not totally original...in fact while not very original at all, it's still a great portrayal. Batfleck is alright with me. Interested to see what his solo film is gonna look like. If it's anything like his role in this, it'll be spectacular. If it's anything like his involvement in Suicide Squad, we're in BIG trouble.




#2 - Kevin Conroy (Batman: Mask of the Phantasm)
Yes, it's true. The man who is many people's definitive Batman ranks up near the top for me. I love Kevin Conroy as Batman. When you hear his voice, his oh-so-iconic voice, you don't hear Kevin Conroy voicing Batman, you hear Batman. Batman: The Animated Series is often considered one of the greatest children's TV shows and one of the greatest overall TV shows ever created. It's dark, yet humorous tone inspired by Burton's '89 film carried over well to the 1993 film set in the same universe, Batman: Mask of the Phantasm. Talk about a movie that got everything about Batman right. If you want to find a movie that's the perfect adaptation of Batman, look no further than here. Batman is shown here to be struggling with having just lost his fiancee and choosing to move forward with his career as the dark knight. You can feel in the movie's entire performance that Batman is a tortured soul. He's been through dark times, obviously moreso than just his parents' death. So much so that when he falls in love with Andrea, he still feels guilty and pleads with his parents' statue that he "needs things to be different now". He has great lines, he has great action scenes, he has great dramatic scenes, Kevin Conroy accomplished all of this with just the power of his voice. For that, Mask of the Phantasm's Batman hits the #2 spot.

#1 - Michael Keaton (Batman and Batman Returns)
Yeah, you knew this was coming too, didn't you? Michael Keaton was such an unprecedented casting that he feels like he even used that to his advantage. Batman is a guy who's 6'2", 220 pounds, and built like a body-builder while also remaining slim and trim. Keaton is a man who's like...170 pounds and a mere 5'10". A man totally unassuming, but it works so well. Keaton took both Bruce Wayne and Batman and knocked them both out of the park. Keaton's Wayne is quiet, broken, and still suffering from the death of his parents. To the point where his Batman is sly, tactical, and stiff. Most Batmen you see are bouncing off walls, doing karate moves on five bad guys at once and doing so while also calculating how he'll survive the climax. The only fight training Michael Keaton had before the movie was kickboxing training. His Batman, even being shorter and less-toned, still manages to look like a Batman you don't want to fuck with. His Batsuit is so simple in the use of two colors, black and yellow, and yet is so stupid badass looking that it almost hurts. The Batman Returns cowl looks better, the '89 Batman movie's cowl looks too big and sort of droops over Keaton's face. Even Keaton's Bat-voice is stellar. He found the happy balance between normal speaking voice and monstrous growl. All Keaton had to do to sound like a badass is add a slight rasp to it and BOOM. Kick-ass. Everything all thrown into the Bat-blender, I always just simply say "Christian Bale and Val Kilmer do great Batman impressions, but Michael Keaton is Batman."

So there you have it, I ranked the Batman. I hope you enjoyed, I hope you didn't take it too seriously, and above all...I just hope you enjoyed me talking about something other than Star Wars for a change...

...you're welcome.

Movie F*ck-Ups: 15 Things That'll Screw With Your Favorite Movies

I love movies. That usually goes without saying. I've based a whole freaking blog around movies. I worship certain movies, I love movies and I love to spend time watching movies.

Sometimes, though, even the most revered of movies have the most glaring plot holes, plot inconsistencies, or just plain ol' movie goofs that make you stop, think and scratch your head over what a blind idiot viewer you've been. I'm here today to give you a taste of that. I'm even going to rip into some of my most cherished and protected movies. It's about to get bad up in here. I'm going to rip the shades open on all of you. It'll be just like that episode of How I Met Your Mother, except painful. Here are fifteen head scratchers, jaw-droppers and brain-fryers and my own two-sense on them.

Cody's Top 30 Favorite Movies of All-Time: #26 - American Pie

From 1980's cheesecake to 1990's apple pie. My favorite teen-comedy-sexploitation-raunchy-crazy-family movie of all-time, and one that still gives me the feels.

1999 was an awful year for any movie that wasn't titled "Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace." Any movie coming out that summer either had its box-office debuts suffer or its entire box-office run suffer even worse. This movie's trailer promptly advertised it as "In the list of movies to see after seeing Star Wars".

Four high school seniors make an agreement with each other that they'll lose their virginity before their senior prom; Jim Levenstein (Jason Biggs), Kevin "Kev" Myers (Thomas Ian Nicholas), Chris "Oz" Ostreicher (Chris Klein) and Paul Finch (Eddie Kaye Thomas). Each of the four go about their task in their own way, as Kevin also tries to make sure his girlfriend Vicki (Tara Reid) knows that he loves her and that they'll spend their prom night making sweet whoopie. Jim is tasked with attempting ti swoon Nadia (Shannon Elizabeth) to the senior prom, but humiliates both him and her with an awkward sex video that gets broadcasted across the internet. He ends up settling for the "flute-toting band geek" Michelle Flaherty (Alyson Hannigan). Finch attempts to spread rumors throughout the entire school that make him look good in an effort to attract girls to asking him out to prom as opposed to him asking them. Finally, Oz decides that going for popular chicks would be too easy and he'd be the first one laid, so he decides to go to choir practice for his high school and hit-on Heather Gardner (Mena Suvari).

...but the one who takes the movie and runs with it is Steve Stifler (Seann William Scott). This is the birth of the "jock douchebag" character that's overly obnoxious and ill-equipped to handle anything with any real love and devotion. He's in it for the sex and only the sex. Stifler has all the quotable lines and even has a mother that everyone lovingly refers to as "MILF"...aww, that's so sweet.

The other character that is just downright spectacular is Noah Levenstein, Jim's father, played by Eugene Levy. He, much like Stifler, steals every scene he's in. He's so awkward in explaining sexual things to his son to the point where it becomes laughably uncomfortable. Eugene Levy is also the only character to appear in all eight American Pie films, main series and spin-offs.

There were many teen-comedramas back in the day but this one is the reigning champion of them all. This one, even though its premise sounds epicly ridiculous to base an entire movie off of, it works so well because of the emotion involved and that the kids come to learn that sex isn't everything. Jim has speil at the end that puts it all in perspective as to what high school kids pressure themselves into, even by today's standards. "I haven't even had sex and already I'm tired of talking about it. I hate sex!" The ending to the movie sees the four men rise to the occasion (which may or may not be a pun) and receiving their just-rewards.

Somehow, some way, this movie managed to touch the hearts of millions of people because it somehow spawned three main-series sequels and four spin-off movies (all of which are even more ridiculous). In my book, American Pie is a classic. I love, and you should check it out if you haven't already, but only if you're in for a wild trip back to the mind of a high-school student.