Sometimes, though, even the most revered of movies have the most glaring plot holes, plot inconsistencies, or just plain ol' movie goofs that make you stop, think and scratch your head over what a blind idiot viewer you've been. I'm here today to give you a taste of that. I'm even going to rip into some of my most cherished and protected movies. It's about to get bad up in here. I'm going to rip the shades open on all of you. It'll be just like that episode of How I Met Your Mother, except painful. Here are fifteen head scratchers, jaw-droppers and brain-fryers and my own two-sense on them.
#1 - Back to the Future, Part II - Doc Brown breaks his own rule: Doc Brown tells Marty McFly in Back to the Future that "Knowing information about your future could be potentially dangerous. Even if your intentions are good, it can backfire drastically. Whatever you've got to tell me, I'll find out through the natural course of time." He then instantly forgets this proverb because at the end of the movie, he tells Marty and Jennifer that not only do they get married, not only that they have kids, but their kids are fuck-ups and need a talkin' to. Doc should know that merely telling Marty and Jennifer they have kids would drastically alter the future, perhaps even result in them not getting married at all, and the 2015 they arrived in would've been drastically different from the one shown in the movie. Dumb Doc is dumb.#2 - Aliens - Burke's plan is not all that bright: In the movie Aliens, Carter Burke plans to let two alien facehuggers impregnate Ripley and Newt and to sneak them past quarantine upon their return to Earth. He moves to accomplish this plan by sneaking into Ripley and Newt's room while they're sleeping, throwing facehuggers on the floor and stealing Ripley's pulse rifle so she can't defend herself. The reason this is a moronic plan is because Ripley and Newt are going to notice something's awry when they wake up and find facehuggers either on their faces alive or on the floor dead. Who are they going to accuse? The marines are in Operations talking to Bishop who's outside. That only leaves Burke. As Tony Stark would say..."Not a great plan".
#3 - Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets - Voldemort's Retarded Plan: It's all about bad plans, isn't it?
Alright, I know I'm gonna catch heat for this one, but to hell with it. Throughout the entirety of the Harry Potter saga, the only reason Harry Potter continues to live is because Voldemort is a stupid moron idiot head and this movie is no exception, Voldemort's ridiculous scheme this time is to use a basilisk (Rowlingese for "A giant fucking snake") to attack the school's mudbloods (Rowlingese for "the n-word equivalent of a derogatory comment regarding non magical folks"). Why waste the time and effort? Why not use the basilisk to simply attack Harry and Harry alone? What's with all the malarkey about the heir of Slytherin and attacking mudbloods? Harry spends a good amount of the movie wandering aimlessly on his own, anyway. There's any one point where he could've rounded a corner and met eye-to-eye with the basilisk and died. I'm no Potter-ologist, I don't know of there's canon around to explain how long it takes for a basilisk stare to kill you, but my guess is one quick peak and you're toast. Instead, the basilisk decides to paralyze two children, a man who's already dead, and a cat...a domesticated fucking cat. If you think Voldemort is an intelligent villain, start revising your life's beliefs immediately.#4 - Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - The Introduction of Time Travel: Oh man, two Harry Potter movies. I might as well start digging my own grave.
Introducing time travel in the world of Harry Potter undoes everything you're taught to believe about it. Literally every character could go back in time and stop a terrible thing that happened to them. Voldemort could travel back in time and stop himself from trying to kill Harry Potter, and instead just bomb the Potter household to pieces (I'm sure there's a spell for that. It's the fourth unforgivable curse, "Fuckitall"). Dumbledore could time-turn back to when he met Tom Riddle and smash his face into a thick paste. Or perhaps the most important tidbit: Harry Potter could use the time-turner to go back in time and warn his parents about Voldemort trying to kill them and BOOM. If Back to the Future taught me anything, its that Harry could have a much better life by doing so. Instead, Harry and Hermione use the powerful tool to travel 3-4 hours backwards and save the life of a bird-chicken thing. Congrats Harry, your parents are still dead and Voldemort's still a threat. Bravo.
#5 - The Empire Strikes Back - Vader Doesn't Booby-Trap the Falcon: At the end of The Empire Strikes Back, Vader asks his admiral if they've "deactivated the hyperdrive on the Millennium Falcon"? Here's a suggestion: if Vader wanted to strand them on Bespin, or even kill them to demonstrate his resolve, he could've had his men easily deactivate the entire fucking engine. That'd do the trick. Hey, why stop there?! If Vader wanted them to die, he could've put a GTA V-style ignition bomb on it and blasted them into a million pieces on the landing platform the second they try to run. There. Star Wars is over.
#6 - Return of the Jedi - The Second Death Star: Why, oh why, would the Empire waste valuable resources to build a second Death Star that has the exact same goddamn design flaw as the first one? They just blow it up the same way they did the first one, too. It's like they weren't even trying. They just wanted to show off what time and resources they had. Oh and this is the Death Star explosion that does the Empire in? This one? On top of that, only a year passes in Star Wars time, so we're supposed to believe the Empire built 60-70% of a Death Star in that time? It took them 10-12 years to build the first one, which was a fraction of this thing's size. You can just tell at this point that Lucas was already out of ideas for his saga.
#7 - Star Trek (2009) - A Supernova is No Surprise: When Nero captures Christopher Pike and begins interrogating him, he tells him that he saw Romulus get destroyed by a Supernova without warning. Science will tell us that a supernova is not something that just magically happens. It's a little more complicated than that. There's no way that billions of Romulans were caught off guard by a supernova when primitive humans here on planet Earth could easily do some quick math calculations and determine when a star is going to die. If Romulans don't have those capabilities, then what even is their threat again? Are they even supposed to be a challenge at that point?#8 - Watchmen - Dr. Manhattan Kills Rorschach for No Reason: When Ozymandias reveals his plan is in full swing and that there's no stopping it, Rorschach plans to just go and tell everyone that Ozymandias was behind everything. Dr. Manhattan's bright idea is to simply teleport outside and stop Rorschach by blowing him up to prevent him from doing so, ensuring Ozymandias's success. The question that comes into play here is if Dr. Manhattan could see the future, could he really not foresee that Ozymandias would be sold out anyway by Rorschach's journal he dropped off at the newspaper place? The last entry heard in the movie is Rorschach detailing that Veidt is behind everything. So even if Dr. Manhattan kills Rorschach to prevent him from spreading the word, surely he'll feel like a dunce when he finds out Rorschach's journal's been published.
#9 - X-Men (2000) - Magneto's Helmet: This one's more of an issue with all of X-Men lore, but this one is where the flaw could stick out most. It's noted in the comics that Magneto's helmet blocks Charles Xavier from entering his mind, reading his mind or manipulating it. So, it makes perfect sense that Magneto wears his helmet when he kidnaps Rogue so Xavier wouldn't know where Rogue was taken...right? Well, it would make sense, if there wasn't three mutants surrounding Magneto at all times whose minds Charles could easily enter and find the location of. I'm no X-Spert but I know that if you mentally scan and locate Mystique, 9/10 times she'll be right by Magneto or even by Rogue, so boom. You've found Rogue. Don't even bother with trying to scan for Magneto, just deal with him when you find him.
#10 - Batman Begins - The Entire Climax Cannot Happen: From what you're led to believe, the League of Shadows has the best fool-proof plan in effect to take down Gotham. Use a microwave emitter to vaporize an enemy's water supply, shooting Scarecrow's fear toxin into the air and watching as Gotham "tears itself apart through fear". The only thing they didn't think of is the fact that human bodies are essentially 60+% water so wouldn't that cause the water in human bodies to vaporize? You'd think if 60% of a human body is going to vaporize, that'd cause problems for everybody, right?
Now bypassing that and letting that roll, was there any reason Batman needed to grapple onto the train to fight Ra's Al Ghul? Gordon was already heading to the edge of the track and blowing it up anyway. The track was going to be destroyed and Ra's Al Ghul would've been killed in the train crash, regardless if Batman showed up to fight him or not.
#12 - Transformers (2007) - Barricade No-Shows the Climax: During the climax of the very first (and the smartest) Michael Bay Transformers movie from 2007, you watch as the Autobots find the Allspark on the imprints on Sam's great-grandfather's glasses. As the Decepticons begin mobilizing, Barricade (the squad car) states that he's en route. You even see him driving around with the other Decepticons in one shot. So where the hell did he go because he's sure-as-shit not in the final battle! He's gone. He took a vacation. He hung his Decepticon comrades out to dry. What an asshole! Megatron is trying to obtain the Allspark and Barricade is just like "Naw man. I ain't interested" and just fucking no-shows the final battle. I'm serious. Talk about a glaring goof. He's clearly depicted as being on his way to Mission City to join with the Decepticons, then you don't see him fight, walk, talk, transform, or really...see him at all. He shows up in The Dark of the Moon only to be killed by humans. Weaksauce.
#13 - Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones - Padme's Psychic Abilities: During their chase of Dooku, two droid Geonosian fighters fire on the Republic gunship containing Padme Amidala, Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi, as well as a few clones. One of the bolts knocks Padme and a clone out of her gunship and into the sand. When you next see her, a clone helps her up and tells her they should return to the front line. Padme, instead, states that "They have got to get to the hangar", even though she fell out of the gunship long before it even got to the hangar and she would otherwise have no clue where Anakin and Obi-Wan are or even if they're alive anymore. I guess it's because she has the Force, or something...yeah, sure. Okay.
#14 - Jurassic World - Mr. Fixits: Two young boys with very limited, working knowledge of internal combustion engines fix a 20-year-old jeep that's been sitting in a garage and doing nothing and get it to run. Why? Because they remembered "that one time when they fixed up grand-dad's something-or-other". This brings limitless automotive-related problems into the movie and raises more questions and eyebrows than I care to count. I cringe every time this scene is on. Like, seriously. What the shit? It's one of those things that makes you get more and more pissed off each time you watch it. Even people with less-than-no automotive knowledge, such as myself, were like "What?"
Why train oil drillers to be astronauts, when you could just use the twelve days and train astronauts to be drillers? What's so hard about that? How much is there to drilling that they can't condense into a twelve-day course? I assume you could have the men fully prepped on drilling in five days and have enough time to blast them to the asteroid ahead of schedule and destroy it with days to spare. What's the point? You're just making the plan doomed to fail if you sound good ol' boy driller rednecks into space. You're risking six billion human lives because "Bruce Willis wanted his own men". Bullshit. You risked the planet for Owen Wilson to come along, and you should feel bad.
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