A Review of "Planet of the Apes" (1968)

"Coming up on Human Planet... how hunting humans betters the ape society! But first, did you
know the average human grow to be five-and-a-half feet tall? You're watching Human Planet!"

Happy Friday. So far this year we've done nothing but talk about James Cameron, and I'll bet you're all sick and tired of me rambling on and on about "James Cameron this, James Cameron that" and how he's a God among mortal men, a Messiah of filmmaking, yaddi-yaddi-yadda, blah blah blah. I'm only kidding by the way, I just think he's the GOAT of motion pictures. Don't read too much into that.

"Oh jeez, I left my throwaway female supporting
character in her cryotube too long."

I figured now we'd switch gears and touch base on another franchise that I'm actually only recently getting in tune with. It's an old-timey one too, with its birth and first entry in a franchise coming to us in the merry ol' year of 1968. What a glorious time 1968 was. I'm of course kidding again... not only was it a shit time in America, I was twenty-five years from being born. How the heck would I know? We're talking about one of science-fictions most referenced movies. No, it isn't as referenced or parodied as Star Wars... but you'll realize as we discuss some things that this movie exists in pop culture even quite well today, especially with a reboot series we'll talk about coming up. That's right; this is Planet of the Apes, the original Charlton Heston classic from 1968, and I'm using it to kickstart another series of reviews. From the cheesy catchphrases to the special effects mask and make-up techniques; Planet of the Apes was a triumphant science-fiction tale from 20th Century Fox, and helped redefine what it meant to have a wild twist ending. It was based off the 1963 French science-fiction novel, La Planète des singes, known also as Monkey Planet in the UK (not a very imaginative bunch), by Pierre Boulle. This, and the four sequels that come afterwards, share much in common story-wise with The Terminator; showcasing a dystopian future where man's yearning for the destruction of its own kind would have dire consequences on the future of our world. Hope I didn't spoil the movie for everyone... even though I'm about to! Let's review Planet of the Apes, a movie that teaches us what it really means to engage in "guerilla warfare". Hahahahahaha I kill me. *Slaps knee*

"How does it feel to be probed to you, Dr. Zaius?!"
"No, Taylor! We apes have very sensitive anuses!"

The movie opens as astronauts Taylor (Charlton Heston), Landon (Robert Gunner), and Dodge (Jeff Burton... no not the stock car driver) awaken from deep hibernation after a near-light-speed space voyage. Stewart (Dianne Stanley), the lone female crew member, is dead due to a sleep chamber malfunction caused by an air leak. Why did they kill off the only female astronaut? I don't know, it was 1968. Nobody probably knew how to write female dialogue that wasn't total ass yet. God bless the stronger female characters we get in movies since then. Their spacecraft crashes into a lake on an unknown planet; Taylor's estimate places them in Orion's Bellatrix System, three hundred light-years from their home Solar System. Before they abandon their sinking vessel, the three survivors read the ship's chronometer as November 25, 3978 – two thousand and six years after their departure in 1972. However, due to time dilation, the astronauts themselves have aged slightly less than one year.

The men travel through desolate wasteland, coming across eerie scarecrow-like figures and a freshwater lake with lush vegetation. While swimming, the men's clothes are stolen and shredded by primitive mute humans. Soon after, armed gorillas raid a cornfield where the humans are gathering food. The rapid zoom on the lead gorilla's face with Jerry Goldsmith's wailing trumpet is one of my favorite shots from the movie. Plus Taylor's dumbfounded "Oh shit we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto" facial response to seeing it. Taylor is shot in the throat as he and the others are captured. Dodge is killed and Landon rendered unconscious in the chaos. Taylor is taken to Ape City. Two chimpanzees, animal psychologist Zira (Kim Hunter) and surgeon Galen (Wright King), save Taylor's life, though his throat injury renders him temporarily mute.

"What's he saying, Cornelius?"
"I'm not sure, Zira. He keeps drawing a pickle with eyes
that is laughing, and labeling it 'the funniest shit
you've ever seen'..."

Taylor is placed with a captive female, whom he later names Nova (Linda Harrison). While he creepily makes advances on a mute and feral human girl, like it's a movie made in 1968 or something, Taylor also observes an advanced society of talking apes with a strict caste system: gorillas are the military force and laborers; orangutans oversee government and religion; and intellectual chimpanzees are mostly scientists and doctors. The ape society is a theocracy, while the apes consider the primitive humans as vermin to be hunted and either killed outright, enslaved, or used in scientific experiments. Jane Goodall's dreams come true! Taylor convinces Zira and her fiancé, Cornelius (Roddy McDowall), that he is as intelligent as they are; one way by making a paper airplane. Dr. Zaius (Maurice Evans), their orangutan superior, arranges for Taylor to be castrated against Zira's protests. Taylor escapes and finds Dodge's stuffed corpse on display in a museum. He is soon recaptured, in the process revealing that he can speak... the infamous line "Take your stinkin' paws off me you damn dirty ape!"... which alarms the apes.

A hearing to determine Taylor's origins is convened. Taylor mentions his two comrades, learning that Landon was lobotomized and rendered catatonic. Believing Taylor either is from an unknown human tribe beyond their borders or was the subject of a mad scientist who gave him the power of speech, Zaius privately threatens to castrate and lobotomize Taylor for refusing to reveal his origins. I'm not really sure what Zaius's goal is here; Taylor seems damned-intent on revealing his origins. With help from Zira's nephew Lucius (Lou Wagner), Zira and Cornelius free Taylor and Nova and take them to the Forbidden Zone, a taboo region outside Ape City where Taylor's ship crashed. Ape law has ruled the area out of bounds for centuries. Cornelius and Zira are intent to gather proof of an earlier non-simian civilization – which Cornelius discovered a year earlier – to be cleared of heresy; Taylor focuses on proving he comes from a different planet.

"Taylor needs indoctrinated into ape society. Tomorrow,
take him to the Harambe exhibit, and show him who
truly died for whose sins!"

When the group arrives at the cave, Cornelius is intercepted by Zaius and his soldiers. Apparently Dr. Zaius owns his own private militia. Many politicians of today can probably relate... looking at you, Nancy Pelosi (probably). Taylor holds them off by threatening to shoot Zaius, who agrees to enter the cave to disprove their theories. Inside, Cornelius displays remnants of a technologically advanced human society pre-dating simian history. Taylor identifies artifacts such as dentures, eyeglasses, a heart valve...and, to the apes' astonishment, a talking human doll. How the doll's battery allows it to talk after two thousand and six years is beyond me. Energizer batteries perhaps? After all they keep going... and going... and going... Zaius admits he has always known about the ancient human civilization. Taylor wants to search for answers. Zaius warns Taylor against finding an answer which he does not like, adding that the now-desolate Forbidden Zone was once a lush paradise. Basically this is Taylor's version of "If into the security recordings you go, only pain will you find" from Revenge of the Sith. After Taylor and Nova are allowed to leave, Zaius has the cave sealed off to destroy the evidence, while charging Zira, Cornelius, and Lucius with heresy.

Taylor and Nova follow the shoreline on horseback, supposedly for days. Eventually, they discover the remnants of the Statue of Liberty, revealing that this supposedly alien planet is actually Earth, long after an apocalyptic nuclear war. Understanding Zaius' earlier warning while Nova looks on in shock, Taylor falls to his knees in despair, condemning humanity for destroying the world... ooooooohhh my goodness! This movie just M. Night Shyamalan'd my ass!

"Taylor! Why did you run away?!"
"I'm sick and tired of eating bananas and having
full shit turds flung at me! LET ME DIE!"

So what did we learn today? To start off, the ape mask/make-up effects in this movie hold up even by today's standards. There are some flaws you can notice... I own the film as part of a 50th anniversary Blu-ray/4K boxset, so I got to view this film in 1080p HD resolution. Some of the flaws include actors who don't really know how to work the make-up. Roddy McDowall, who portrays Cornelius, knew FULL WELL how to use the make-up. An experienced actor, he recommended to his companions in makeup that they should frequently add tics, blinks and assorted facial gestures to add a sense of realism and keep the makeup from appearing "mask-like". A lot of people got this suggestion, such as his on-screen wife Kim Hunter. However, some of the lesser-seen apes still got stuck with what very much look like "Halloween costume" performances I call them. Obviously with effects back then, you had to play around with it and make it work for you, otherwise the whole effect fails. I still think the makeup works, even today. My only gripe is that while the caste system is supposed to be apparent in differences between chimpanzees, gorillas, and orangutans... on-screen they all appear to be very similar in appearance. Could this be on purpose due to in-universe evolution? Perhaps, but last I checked gorillas were YUGE compared to chimpanzees!

Speaking of that, a fun tid-bit about the caste system and the different monkey make-ups off-screen, behind the scenes. Supposedly, during breaks in filming, actors made up as different ape species tended to hang out together, gorillas with gorillas, orangutans with orangutans, chimps with chimps. It wasn't required, it just naturally happened. Sort of a real science experiment going on behind the scenes during the making of a movie about a dystopian future where apes rule the land. Kind of crazy how that happened. I also liked how the movie demonstrated more than just a two-dimensional story about apes ruling the planet now that humans wiped themselves out. There's lore to the mythos that we aren't told or is hinted at. Namely the Forbidden Zone, the cave of Cornelius's team's digging and the treasures/artifacts they discovered, the government system, the religious demonstrations, the militia and city-life all very well depicted in such a short runtime. My only thing is Ape City... I'm under the impression that the apes rule the planet, however supposedly this one city is named "Ape City"; a pretty umbrella-term kind of name for a city. Is this the only city that houses apes? Is this the only spot where apes reside on this planet? Are there other species of intelligent races of humanoid animals lumbering about? None of that is explained very well and easily glossed over. For all we know this city housing a mere few dozen apes is all that took over Earth after the humans blew it up.

I look at this photo and I go "Man, Davy Jones, Peter
Tork, and Micky Dolenz really need to shave."

Last thing I want to touch upon briefly is Charlton Heston and his performance as the surviving astronaut Taylor. I dig Taylor as a character, just like I dig Charlton Heston in anything I see him in... or hear him in once he became a voiceover/narrator type actor in the 1990s/early 2000s. However, his behavior with Nova and dialogue towards her is very much a product of 1968 screenwriting, it's pretty sexist in my opinion, how he immediately just hops in her cage and starts wooing this mute feral woman like "Yeah you're now my mate on this hellscape planet, wherever I am". Even Zira, the scientist, basks in it, she's like "Ok Taylor we'll leave you in the cage with Nova, hopefully the two of you mate!" Not a lifted line of dialogue, but certainly the sensibilities I was picking up. That's the struggle with watching movies like this is you still see some shameless blatant sexism of the time seep through. Of course, I prefer my movies uncut and unchanged for this reason so we can educate filmmakers and moviegoers of this era on how not to do things... but it can get pretty cringy for people.

To summarize and close out, I dig Planet of the Apes. It's still a sci-fi classic that holds up to this day. It can move a little slow in the second half once Taylor's made the discover and is then just trying to cope with his current predicament, but the first half's mystery and build-up to the reveal, then the tenseness of the story grows as Taylor, captured, tries to not only find out what happened to his crewmates, what happened to his ship, where he is, but also where he's trying to go? A fun, great edition of science-fiction cinema. Put aside an afternoon and try this out!