A Review of "Planet of the Apes" (1968)

"Coming up on Human Planet... how hunting humans betters the ape society! But first, did you
know the average human grow to be five-and-a-half feet tall? You're watching Human Planet!"

Happy Friday. So far this year we've done nothing but talk about James Cameron, and I'll bet you're all sick and tired of me rambling on and on about "James Cameron this, James Cameron that" and how he's a God among mortal men, a Messiah of filmmaking, yaddi-yaddi-yadda, blah blah blah. I'm only kidding by the way, I just think he's the GOAT of motion pictures. Don't read too much into that.

"Oh jeez, I left my throwaway female supporting
character in her cryotube too long."

I figured now we'd switch gears and touch base on another franchise that I'm actually only recently getting in tune with. It's an old-timey one too, with its birth and first entry in a franchise coming to us in the merry ol' year of 1968. What a glorious time 1968 was. I'm of course kidding again... not only was it a shit time in America, I was twenty-five years from being born. How the heck would I know? We're talking about one of science-fictions most referenced movies. No, it isn't as referenced or parodied as Star Wars... but you'll realize as we discuss some things that this movie exists in pop culture even quite well today, especially with a reboot series we'll talk about coming up. That's right; this is Planet of the Apes, the original Charlton Heston classic from 1968, and I'm using it to kickstart another series of reviews. From the cheesy catchphrases to the special effects mask and make-up techniques; Planet of the Apes was a triumphant science-fiction tale from 20th Century Fox, and helped redefine what it meant to have a wild twist ending. It was based off the 1963 French science-fiction novel, La Planète des singes, known also as Monkey Planet in the UK (not a very imaginative bunch), by Pierre Boulle. This, and the four sequels that come afterwards, share much in common story-wise with The Terminator; showcasing a dystopian future where man's yearning for the destruction of its own kind would have dire consequences on the future of our world. Hope I didn't spoil the movie for everyone... even though I'm about to! Let's review Planet of the Apes, a movie that teaches us what it really means to engage in "guerilla warfare". Hahahahahaha I kill me. *Slaps knee*

"How does it feel to be probed to you, Dr. Zaius?!"
"No, Taylor! We apes have very sensitive anuses!"

The movie opens as astronauts Taylor (Charlton Heston), Landon (Robert Gunner), and Dodge (Jeff Burton... no not the stock car driver) awaken from deep hibernation after a near-light-speed space voyage. Stewart (Dianne Stanley), the lone female crew member, is dead due to a sleep chamber malfunction caused by an air leak. Why did they kill off the only female astronaut? I don't know, it was 1968. Nobody probably knew how to write female dialogue that wasn't total ass yet. God bless the stronger female characters we get in movies since then. Their spacecraft crashes into a lake on an unknown planet; Taylor's estimate places them in Orion's Bellatrix System, three hundred light-years from their home Solar System. Before they abandon their sinking vessel, the three survivors read the ship's chronometer as November 25, 3978 – two thousand and six years after their departure in 1972. However, due to time dilation, the astronauts themselves have aged slightly less than one year.

The men travel through desolate wasteland, coming across eerie scarecrow-like figures and a freshwater lake with lush vegetation. While swimming, the men's clothes are stolen and shredded by primitive mute humans. Soon after, armed gorillas raid a cornfield where the humans are gathering food. The rapid zoom on the lead gorilla's face with Jerry Goldsmith's wailing trumpet is one of my favorite shots from the movie. Plus Taylor's dumbfounded "Oh shit we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto" facial response to seeing it. Taylor is shot in the throat as he and the others are captured. Dodge is killed and Landon rendered unconscious in the chaos. Taylor is taken to Ape City. Two chimpanzees, animal psychologist Zira (Kim Hunter) and surgeon Galen (Wright King), save Taylor's life, though his throat injury renders him temporarily mute.

"What's he saying, Cornelius?"
"I'm not sure, Zira. He keeps drawing a pickle with eyes
that is laughing, and labeling it 'the funniest shit
you've ever seen'..."

Taylor is placed with a captive female, whom he later names Nova (Linda Harrison). While he creepily makes advances on a mute and feral human girl, like it's a movie made in 1968 or something, Taylor also observes an advanced society of talking apes with a strict caste system: gorillas are the military force and laborers; orangutans oversee government and religion; and intellectual chimpanzees are mostly scientists and doctors. The ape society is a theocracy, while the apes consider the primitive humans as vermin to be hunted and either killed outright, enslaved, or used in scientific experiments. Jane Goodall's dreams come true! Taylor convinces Zira and her fiancé, Cornelius (Roddy McDowall), that he is as intelligent as they are; one way by making a paper airplane. Dr. Zaius (Maurice Evans), their orangutan superior, arranges for Taylor to be castrated against Zira's protests. Taylor escapes and finds Dodge's stuffed corpse on display in a museum. He is soon recaptured, in the process revealing that he can speak... the infamous line "Take your stinkin' paws off me you damn dirty ape!"... which alarms the apes.

A hearing to determine Taylor's origins is convened. Taylor mentions his two comrades, learning that Landon was lobotomized and rendered catatonic. Believing Taylor either is from an unknown human tribe beyond their borders or was the subject of a mad scientist who gave him the power of speech, Zaius privately threatens to castrate and lobotomize Taylor for refusing to reveal his origins. I'm not really sure what Zaius's goal is here; Taylor seems damned-intent on revealing his origins. With help from Zira's nephew Lucius (Lou Wagner), Zira and Cornelius free Taylor and Nova and take them to the Forbidden Zone, a taboo region outside Ape City where Taylor's ship crashed. Ape law has ruled the area out of bounds for centuries. Cornelius and Zira are intent to gather proof of an earlier non-simian civilization – which Cornelius discovered a year earlier – to be cleared of heresy; Taylor focuses on proving he comes from a different planet.

"Taylor needs indoctrinated into ape society. Tomorrow,
take him to the Harambe exhibit, and show him who
truly died for whose sins!"

When the group arrives at the cave, Cornelius is intercepted by Zaius and his soldiers. Apparently Dr. Zaius owns his own private militia. Many politicians of today can probably relate... looking at you, Nancy Pelosi (probably). Taylor holds them off by threatening to shoot Zaius, who agrees to enter the cave to disprove their theories. Inside, Cornelius displays remnants of a technologically advanced human society pre-dating simian history. Taylor identifies artifacts such as dentures, eyeglasses, a heart valve...and, to the apes' astonishment, a talking human doll. How the doll's battery allows it to talk after two thousand and six years is beyond me. Energizer batteries perhaps? After all they keep going... and going... and going... Zaius admits he has always known about the ancient human civilization. Taylor wants to search for answers. Zaius warns Taylor against finding an answer which he does not like, adding that the now-desolate Forbidden Zone was once a lush paradise. Basically this is Taylor's version of "If into the security recordings you go, only pain will you find" from Revenge of the Sith. After Taylor and Nova are allowed to leave, Zaius has the cave sealed off to destroy the evidence, while charging Zira, Cornelius, and Lucius with heresy.

Taylor and Nova follow the shoreline on horseback, supposedly for days. Eventually, they discover the remnants of the Statue of Liberty, revealing that this supposedly alien planet is actually Earth, long after an apocalyptic nuclear war. Understanding Zaius' earlier warning while Nova looks on in shock, Taylor falls to his knees in despair, condemning humanity for destroying the world... ooooooohhh my goodness! This movie just M. Night Shyamalan'd my ass!

"Taylor! Why did you run away?!"
"I'm sick and tired of eating bananas and having
full shit turds flung at me! LET ME DIE!"

So what did we learn today? To start off, the ape mask/make-up effects in this movie hold up even by today's standards. There are some flaws you can notice... I own the film as part of a 50th anniversary Blu-ray/4K boxset, so I got to view this film in 1080p HD resolution. Some of the flaws include actors who don't really know how to work the make-up. Roddy McDowall, who portrays Cornelius, knew FULL WELL how to use the make-up. An experienced actor, he recommended to his companions in makeup that they should frequently add tics, blinks and assorted facial gestures to add a sense of realism and keep the makeup from appearing "mask-like". A lot of people got this suggestion, such as his on-screen wife Kim Hunter. However, some of the lesser-seen apes still got stuck with what very much look like "Halloween costume" performances I call them. Obviously with effects back then, you had to play around with it and make it work for you, otherwise the whole effect fails. I still think the makeup works, even today. My only gripe is that while the caste system is supposed to be apparent in differences between chimpanzees, gorillas, and orangutans... on-screen they all appear to be very similar in appearance. Could this be on purpose due to in-universe evolution? Perhaps, but last I checked gorillas were YUGE compared to chimpanzees!

Speaking of that, a fun tid-bit about the caste system and the different monkey make-ups off-screen, behind the scenes. Supposedly, during breaks in filming, actors made up as different ape species tended to hang out together, gorillas with gorillas, orangutans with orangutans, chimps with chimps. It wasn't required, it just naturally happened. Sort of a real science experiment going on behind the scenes during the making of a movie about a dystopian future where apes rule the land. Kind of crazy how that happened. I also liked how the movie demonstrated more than just a two-dimensional story about apes ruling the planet now that humans wiped themselves out. There's lore to the mythos that we aren't told or is hinted at. Namely the Forbidden Zone, the cave of Cornelius's team's digging and the treasures/artifacts they discovered, the government system, the religious demonstrations, the militia and city-life all very well depicted in such a short runtime. My only thing is Ape City... I'm under the impression that the apes rule the planet, however supposedly this one city is named "Ape City"; a pretty umbrella-term kind of name for a city. Is this the only city that houses apes? Is this the only spot where apes reside on this planet? Are there other species of intelligent races of humanoid animals lumbering about? None of that is explained very well and easily glossed over. For all we know this city housing a mere few dozen apes is all that took over Earth after the humans blew it up.

I look at this photo and I go "Man, Davy Jones, Peter
Tork, and Micky Dolenz really need to shave."

Last thing I want to touch upon briefly is Charlton Heston and his performance as the surviving astronaut Taylor. I dig Taylor as a character, just like I dig Charlton Heston in anything I see him in... or hear him in once he became a voiceover/narrator type actor in the 1990s/early 2000s. However, his behavior with Nova and dialogue towards her is very much a product of 1968 screenwriting, it's pretty sexist in my opinion, how he immediately just hops in her cage and starts wooing this mute feral woman like "Yeah you're now my mate on this hellscape planet, wherever I am". Even Zira, the scientist, basks in it, she's like "Ok Taylor we'll leave you in the cage with Nova, hopefully the two of you mate!" Not a lifted line of dialogue, but certainly the sensibilities I was picking up. That's the struggle with watching movies like this is you still see some shameless blatant sexism of the time seep through. Of course, I prefer my movies uncut and unchanged for this reason so we can educate filmmakers and moviegoers of this era on how not to do things... but it can get pretty cringy for people.

To summarize and close out, I dig Planet of the Apes. It's still a sci-fi classic that holds up to this day. It can move a little slow in the second half once Taylor's made the discover and is then just trying to cope with his current predicament, but the first half's mystery and build-up to the reveal, then the tenseness of the story grows as Taylor, captured, tries to not only find out what happened to his crewmates, what happened to his ship, where he is, but also where he's trying to go? A fun, great edition of science-fiction cinema. Put aside an afternoon and try this out!

James Camer-thon: A Review of "Avatar: The Way of Water"

I don't know why but all I hear is echo-y whimsical music when I see this image--oh cripes, it's working!
James Cameron is a genius!

Happy Friday, and welcome to (as of now) the conclusion of "James Camer-thon". We've covered the man's entire filmography up to this point, excluding Piranha II: The Spawning, naturally. It's time to wrap this marathon up in a neat, little bow! Not a Christmas bow, it's only March after all.

Real men wear war-paint... and also have pretty
snazzy computer-generated dreadlocks!

After the immense success of Avatar, it was revealed by James Cameron sometime in early/mid 2010 that he had plans for FOUR sequels. He would film Avatar 2 and 3 back-to-back, and if those were financially successful, he would do 4 and 5 back-to-back. Rumors even circulated of Avatar 6, 7, and 8 being planned as well. Those were debunked eventually. Getting started, the first Avatar sequel we're here to wrap up with today spent many of its years in production as sort of an internet punchline. Originally scheduled for a December 2014 release, five years after Avatar, the film was subject to numerous delays. I'm talking delay after delay after delay. So much so that I recall seeing IGN articles showing the delays, and Marvel neckbeards commenting "NoBodY cArEs aNyMoRe" repeatedly. I began to believe them... as the first due date passed. So did 2015, and 2016... and 2017 and 2018 afterwards. I began to wonder if this movie would ever see the light of day, or if it was doomed to die in production and its existing footage be shelved or vaulted, never to be seen again. Was James Cameron's career as a filmmaker over?

It wouldn't be until summer 2022 that we would finally get a solid release date of December 16th, 2022. It's title was revealed... Avatar: The Way of Water. Even as summer faded into fall, I was waiting for this movie to get postponed again, but thankfully it never did, and I was able to make it to theaters in January to see it! A movie thirteen years in the making, at a cost of between $350-400 million, reportedly. After all that time, all that wait, all that wondering and hyping... how did the film itself turn out? This is Avatar: The Way of Water... a movie that teaches us if you just wanted to spend thirteen years dunking the first Avatar film underwater and calling it a sequel, you couldn't have done a finer job.

Which one of these is not like the other? Betcha
$10 this kid'll have a pretty strong story arc.

Sixteen years after the Na'vi repelled the RDA invasion of Pandora... of course seen in the events of Avatar, Jake Sully (Sam Worthington) lives as chief of the Omatikaya clan and raises a family with Neytiri (Zoe Saldana), which includes sons Neteyam (Jamie Flatters) and Lo'ak (Britain Dalton), daughter Tuk (Trinity Jo-Li Bliss). They also care for adopted children Kiri (born from Grace Augustine's inert avatar, therefore played by Sigourney Weaver) and Spider (Jack Champion), the Pandora-born human son of the late Colonel Miles Quaritch (Stephen Lang). To the Na'vi's dismay, the RDA, led by their new leader, Frances Ardmore (Edie Falco), returns to colonize Pandora as Earth is dying. Among the new arrivals are Recombinants—Na'vi avatars implanted with deceased human soldiers' memories—with Quaritch's recombinant serving as the leader. There, now you have your decade-long question of "How in the name of hell do Sigourney and Stephen Lang appear in this if they died in Avatar?" answered! Only took thirteen years to find out, and by then you probably forgot you were even wondering.

A year later, Jake leads a guerilla campaign against the RDA. During a counterinsurgency mission, Quaritch and his subordinates capture Jake's children. Jake and Neytiri arrive and free them, killing several of Quaritch's soldiers, but Spider remains captured by Quaritch, who recognizes him as his son. I'm not exactly sure how... given that Quaritch died right as Spider was born... and infants don't look like teenagers very well. I guess it's just that father/son genome? Anywho, after the RDA fails to get information from Spider, Quaritch decides to spend time with his son to draw him on his side. In turn, Spider teaches Quaritch about Na'vi culture and language. Aware of the danger posed by Spider's knowledge of his whereabouts, Jake and his family exile themselves from the Omatikaya and retreat to Pandora's eastern seaboard, where the Metkayina clan gives them refuge. There, the family learns the ways of the reef people, Kiri develops a spiritual bond with the sea, and Lo'ak befriends Tsireya (Bailey Bass), the daughter of chief Tonowari (Cliff Curtis) and his wife, Ronal (Kate Winslet... back again from her time being lambasted by Cameron during the making of Titanic! Hehehe).

"Hello, we are your new water-tribe leaders for this movie.
Betcha $10 one of us will die and/or play a pretty important
role in your acceptance!

After defending Kiri against Aonung (Filip Geljo), Tonowari's son, Lo'ak apologizes at Jake's insistence. Aonung and his friends then entice Lo'ak to a trip into a sea predator's territory and leave him stranded. After being saved from a giant sea beast, Lo'ak is befriended by Payakan, a Tulkun—an intelligent and pacifistic whale-like species whom the Metkayina consider their spiritual brethren. I call him "Free Willy"... because that's what we all thought when we saw this dynamic at play. Upon his return, Lo'ak wins Aonung's friendship by taking the blame for the trip but is told that Payakan is an outcast among the Tulkun. Later, Kiri links to the Metkayina's underwater Spirit Tree and spiritually "meets" her biological mother, Grace, whose consciousness lives within Pandora. During the link-induced trance, Kiri suffers a seizure and falls unconscious, nearly drowning. I guess Sigourney Weaver is trying to kill Sigourney Weaver then? She must want out of the series of sequels... as at this rate she'll be waiting until 2050 to be done.

Jake summons Norm Spellman (Joel David Moore) and Max Patel (Dileep Rao) for help using their medical equipment, where they diagnose Kiri with epilepsy and warn that she cannot connect to the Spirit Tree again, as doing so may kill her. Including these two lovable side characters was a nice "Hey, sorry about the thirteen year long wait. You guys remember the first Avatar? We sure do!" moment, and it was nice to see Norm back. I really like Norm, and Joel David Moore. Although Ronal saves Kiri, Quaritch tracks Norm and Max's aircraft to the archipelago where the Metkayina live. Bringing Spider with him, Quaritch joins forces with the RDA's marine operations, led by Captain Mick Scoresby (Brendan Cowell), and commandeers a whaling vessel that hunts Tulkuns to extract an anti-aging serum called amrita. Ha, one of the worst moments of the movie is "This is the richest liquid in the universe"... and then it's never mentioned again. Quaritch's squad raids the archipelago, interrogating the tribes about Jake's location to no avail. Quaritch then orders the whalers to kill Tulkuns near the villages to draw Jake out. Lo'ak mentally links with Payakan and learns that he was cast out because he went against the pacifist ways of his species and attacked the whalers who killed his mother, causing many deaths. Good for you Free Willy, though, may want to pump the brakes on the murders. Probably just swamp their boats from now on?

*Whale noises* "I know, Free Willy, we're not in Kansas
anymore!"*Whale noises* "Don't tell me to pick just
one cliché, can't be done!"

When the Metkayina learns of the Tulkun killings, Lo'ak warns Payakan, followed by his siblings and friends. They find Payakan being hunted, and Quaritch captures Lo'ak, Tsireya, and Tuk. Really? AGAIN?! How many times are the children going to get captured?! You'd think they'd learn by now. Jake, Neytiri, and the Metkayina set out to confront the humans and rescue the kids. Quaritch forces Jake to surrender, but Payakan attacks the whalers, triggering a fight between the Metkayina and the crew members. Spider cripples the vessel, and Payakan severs Scoresby's arm. Neteyam rescues Lo'ak, Tsireya, and Spider but is killed after being fatally shot by Quaritch. Devastated, both parents go back to save their remaining children that were recaptured; upon facing Quaritch's team, Neytiri flies into a grieving rage and brutally murders many of them, accidentally breaking her father's bow in the process. Jake faces Quaritch, who uses Kiri as a hostage, and when Neytiri does the same with Spider, Quaritch at first denies their relationship but desists once Neytiri attempts to kill Spider. Pretty messed up for Neytiri to pantomime killing the adopted son she's cared for into teenage years, but I mean... it works so... bonus points?

Jake, Quaritch, Neytiri, and Tuk are trapped inside the sinking vessel. After a tense skirmish, Jake strangles Quaritch unconscious and is rescued by Lo'ak and Payakan, while Kiri rescues Neytiri and Tuk. Spider rescues Quaritch but refuses to go with him and rejoins Jake's family, at which point he is welcomed as a true son. After Neteyam's funeral, Jake informs Tonowari of his decision to leave the Metkayina. Still, the chief respectfully identifies Jake as part of the clan and welcomes him and his family to stay. Before vowing to resume their campaign against the RDA, Jake and his family accept and live their new life at sea... that is until Avatar 3 drops in 2035 where Jake and Neytiri will take their kids go join a tribe of Na'vi that dwells in Goron City or something.

"Jeez, the last time I saw myself look like that, Barack
Obama was president!"

What did we learn from this film today? Honestly, Avatar: The Way of Water, while entertaining... I'm not sure if it holds up to the thirteen-year delay between movies we were faced with. Don't get me wrong! Again, visually stunning and captivating, and even moreso than its predecessor in some spots. The Na'vi traversing water and swimming underwater never looked so beautiful, and again, screencaps from this movie measure up to be a solid Windows desktop background! Ha, but the storytelling again is pretty cliche. Which may just have to be this movie franchise's tagline. I can tell we're on our way to seeing the four sequels to Avatar that are planned are basically going to traverse the four main elements; earth, air, fire, and water. Avatar was already Earth. Avatar: The Way of Water is self-explanatory, and though I joked about it Avatar 3 has already been rumored to circle around a fire tribe of Na'vi housed in a volcano somewhere on Pandora.

Again, it brings up the question of whether or not the Avatar series is made for true filmmaking or just to showcase advancements in special effects technology. James Cameron as a way of making all his stories flow in similar manners. I could really predict where a lot of this story was going. Jake and family get banished, they come to a tribe of water Na'vi, the water Na'vi test them and they are embarrassed, but the water tribe and Jake's family then band together when a mutual threat arrives and fight the RDA to basically a no contest. Some other tropes are Quaritch ditching the scene but subtly vowing return, meaning he'll be the primary antagonist for Avatar 3. Same ol' same ol'.

"Na'vi! Surrender or be killed!"
"Woah, all joking aside; don't you guys think our
little setup here would make a badass LEGO set?!"

The runtime is also a little brutal, and by the end when the ship was sinking and the heroes and Quaritch were trapped in it, I found myself wondering if the movie was going to end. I had fun throughout, don't get me wrong, but I felt drained a little bit by the end. Worn out, I guess. Lots of action and gunplay and hijinks by the two hour, thirty minute mark. Especially when I could predict stuff. See above. It's also weird to me how after one viewing, I can't even name his children. I had to copy and paste them directly from Wikipedia. I'm not even ashamed. I know Jake, Neytiri, Spider, Quaritch... Tsu'tey? No that was the tribe-tough-guy knock off from the first one. See? I can't name their kids at all off the top of my head. I'll bet you can't either! Go ahead... I'll wait--wait I can't test you like this.

Honestly, all joking aside... Avatar: The Way of Water is ok. It tried to be James Camerons' third classic sequel he's entered into pop culture, in terms of scale, grandiose storytelling, and visual effects triumph. It... didn't quite hit those marks, but it still is a pretty impressive sequel, in my opinion. Again, I don't think the Avatar series is really James Cameron's highest mark of storytelling, but it is a very high mark for visual wonderment. I appreciate it for what it is, and if you have three hours to set aside one day (I know you do since most of you binge watch stuff!) I say give it a shot just say you've seen it. Expect what is basically Avatar again, but with some different tropes and cliches thrown in, but you'll still enjoy the ride if you ask me. 

That is James Camer-thon all wrapped up into a little bow! Thanks for reading, and I'll be back next week with yet another series-spanning weeks of posts. Could get a little apey, we may go ape shit, but that's only if we stop monkey-ing around. I'm talking gorilla warfare! Hi, publishing companies? Please hire me! I come complete with boatloads of cringe, free of charge!

James Camer-thon: A Review of "Avatar"

"Ok, I have the arrow pulled back. Where should I aim?"
"At that creature... the one just around the riverbend."
"Ok seriously, knock that shit off. I can smell a lawsuit."

Happy Friday, my fellow digitally-rendered blue cat-people. Sorry I missed a week, but I was busy with travel and work, and whatnot. The usual white collar excuses. Welcome back to James Camer-thon, and we're on the final two posts of this thon before we move on to other movies/shows. James Cameron sure has been a busy body when you look at his filmography once per week.

"You guys ever get the feelin you're being watched?"
"Jake, for the last time, we're cliché enough!"

After Titanic, James Cameron had pretty much conquered Hollywood. I mean he did everything. He made a funny-kind-of action movie, he had two of the best sequels ever made by mortal men under his belt, and he crafted an epic love story against a backdrop of a real-world tragedy and turned it into a $1.7 billion (at the time) and eleven-Oscar triumph. He ticked off any up-and-coming director's "to-do" list... so much so he took a TWELVE YEAR hiatus from directing after Titanic. He did some producing and documentary work, directing the documentary Ghosts of the Abyss after he did Titanic.  During August and September 2001, Cameron and a group of scientists staged an expedition to the wreck of the RMS Titanic and dived in Russian deep-submersibles to obtain more detailed images than anyone had before. Other than that, his filmography remained mostly blank until 2009. That's when a certain movie came out, the likes of which we hadn't seen before. It pushed the boundaries of motion capture animation! It re-designed how a world can be built inside of a computer! It brought us a rich, powerful world full of lore and awe-inspiring visuals! It... blatantly copied the story of Disney's Pocahontas and Dances With Wolves... but OOOOOOH look at the ten-foot, blue cat people! See how they jump! Run! FISH! FIGHT THINGS IN THE SKY!

"James! What look should I give Tsu'tey here?"
"Act like he's dancing with your girl at prom,
and you're stuck watching on the sideline!"

Yes whether or not you can tell already, Avatar isn't really my favorite work from James Cameron. I think it's his biggest ambition, easily. I think he gets credit with the vision and the scale of the setting, but again, it's a story done so many times already in different other forms and mediums that it easily answers the question of which one was Cameron's motive for making the movie; make it look pretty or make it break ground in storytelling again. Let's dive into the world of Pandora... *shudders* even the name is cliché... and dissect this very "blue" film. This is James Cameron's Avatar... a movie that teaches us if you're bound to a wheelchair and given a chance at ghosting your own race in exchange for working legs and sex with a chieftain's daughter, you DO IT no questions asked!

In 2154, the natural resources of the Earth have been depleted. The Resources Development Administration (RDA) mines the valuable mineral unobtanium on Pandora, a moon in the Alpha Centauri star system. Unobtanium, you say? Do they even obtain any? Or is it unobtainable? Eyoooo.... anyway. Pandora, whose atmosphere is inhospitable to humans, is inhabited by the Na'vi, ten-foot-tall (3.0 m), blue-skinned, sapient humanoids... which is a nice way to put "cat people"... that live in harmony with nature. To explore Pandora, genetically matched human scientists use Na'vi-human hybrids called "avatars." Paraplegic Marine Jake Sully (Same Worthington)... the "John Smith" of our story... is sent to Pandora to replace his deceased identical twin, who had signed up to be an operator. Avatar Program head Dr. Grace Augustine (Sigourney Weaver) considers Sully inadequate but accepts him as a bodyguard.

"Does this pistol make my scars look BADASS?"

While escorting the avatars of Grace and Dr. Norm Spellman (Joel David Moore), Jake's avatar is attacked by Pandoran wildlife, and he flees into the forest, where he is rescued by female Na'vi Neytiri (Zoe Saldana), the Pocahontas of the film. Suspicious of Jake, she takes him to her clan (or tribe, right? Hahahaha... ok I'll shut up, you get the point). Neytiri's mother, Mo'at (CCH Pounder), the clan's spiritual leader, orders her daughter to initiate Jake into their society. Colonel Miles Quaritch (Stephen Lang), head of RDA's security force, promises Jake that the company will restore the use of his legs if he provides information about the Na'vi and their gathering place, the giant Hometree, under which is a rich deposit of unobtanium. Learning of this, Grace transfers herself, Jake, and Norm to an outpost. Jake and Neytiri fall in love as Jake is initiated into the tribe. He and Neytiri choose each other as mates. When Jake attempts to disable a bulldozer threatening a sacred Na'vi site, Administrator Parker Selfridge (Giovanni Ribsi, of all guys) orders Hometree destroyed. Despite Grace's argument that destroying Hometree could damage Pandora's biological neural network, Selfridge gives Jake and Grace one hour to convince the Na'vi to evacuate before they do. Now we're dabbling in Ferngully too. Where's TIM CURRY when you need him? Oh wait... he was the bad guy. I guess that means we're relying on Christian Slater, friends.

"Neytiri, what were your dreams as a little girl?"
"To live in a world that could double for a kick-
ass Windows desktop background!"
"Wow. Mission accomplished, I'd say!"

Jake returns to the tribe and confesses that he was a spy. Obviously not liking that news, the Na'vi take him and Grace captive. Quaritch's soldiers destroy Hometree, killing many, including Neytiri's father, the clan chief (Our "Powhattan" of the--ok I get it, I get it). Mo'at frees Jake and Grace, but they are detached from their avatars and imprisoned by Quaritch's forces. Pilot Trudy Chacón (Michelle Rodriguez... fresh from her love affair with Dom Toretto), betrays Quaritch and airlifts Jake, Grace, and Norm to Grace's outpost. Grace is shot during the escape. Jake regains the Na'vi's trust by connecting his mind to that of Toruk, a dragon-like creature feared and revered by the Na'vi. Ah, conquering the unconquerable! A great way to convince people you're absolutely insane, much less an apology for lying to the girl you slept with and her entire family. At the sacred Tree of Souls, Jake pleads with Mo'at to heal Grace. The clan attempts to transfer Grace into her avatar with the aid of the Tree of Souls, but she dies. Supported by new chief Tsu'tey (Laz Alonso)... our Kocoum of the--DAMMIT. Jake unites the clan, telling them to gather all the clans to battle the RDA. Quaritch organizes a strike against the Tree of Souls to demoralize the Na'vi. Jake prays to the Na'vi deity Eywa via a neural connection with the Tree of Souls. Tsu'tey and Trudy are among the battle's heavy casualties as the RDA lays waste to the entire region.

"Careful, Sigourney! Don't wig out on us!"
"No more puns, Corporal. This is my natural 'do!"
"Like it was in Galaxy Quest?!"

The Na'vi are rescued when Pandoran wildlife unexpectedly join the attack and overwhelm the humans, which Neytiri interprets as Eywa answering Jake's prayer. Quaritch, wearing an AMP suit, escapes his crashed aircraft and breaks open the avatar link unit containing Jake's human body, exposing it to Pandora's poisonous atmosphere. As Jake's inner... uh... Jake, I guess... suffocates and as Quaritch prepares to slit Jake's avatar's throat, he is killed by Neytiri, who saves Jake from suffocation, seeing his human form for the first time. With the exceptions of Jake, Norm, and a select few others, all humans are expelled from Pandora. Jake is permanently transferred into his avatar with the aid of the Tree of Souls... to begin his life anew with the tribe he now calls home.

So what did we learn from Avatar today? Well... first off, let's talk about what we've been talking about this entire time. The characters. They seem... stock, but fresh at the same time. I don't know how James Cameron does it, but like Jake Sully is your "Dances with Wolves" guy and while he doesn't just sing and dance like Kevin Costner, he does feel fresh in the sense that he's a handicapped Marine who's looking to prove himself over his deceased twin brother. Quaritch, the Governor Ratcliffe, is the one seeking to gain the natives' trust for ulterior motives. Like I was joking about this whole review, this movie is very Pocahontas, with elements of Dances with Wolves mixed in. It isn't apparent, it's abundantly apparent, especially in the story.

♫Some folks were born! MAAAADE to wave the flag!
OH, that Red, white, and blue!... and when the band played
HAAIL to the Chief...Ooh, they point the cannon at you!♫

Where Avatar shines is it's lore, setting, and worldbuilding. The idea of using what amount to video game skins to communicate and do business with creatures who look just like them, to me, is a very novel and creative concept. Like any good story with great world-building features, it sucks you right into the landscape and leaves you awe-inspired. I remember as December 2009 when the movie was released bled into Jan/Feb 2010, people were like "Yeah we've seen it two or three times already but if you haven't seen it in 3D or in IMAX, you haven't experienced it yet." I think during the whole "3D" phase from the late 2000s-early 2010s, this is one of the few movies that made great use of it. It's a gorgeous piece of visual cinematography, even if ninety-five percent of it was rendered in a computer. It looks magnificent, and it begs for a 4K release. Sidebar: I am noticing how James Cameron doesn't really release a lot of his movies in 4K. I think Terminator 2 is the only one so far, even Titanic hasn't gotten a 4K release yet.

In conclusion, Avatar is a film to be experienced. Visually? It's groundbreaking, it's awesome. The action is just what you'd expect and yet it's still a joy to sit through, in my opinion anyway. Story and characters, wise? It's pretty cliché, hum-drum, repeated, and recycled. Still, that isn't necessarily a bad thing, but real cinephiles may not be as engaged as common moviegoers. Ones that can see storytelling trends a mile away because they've seen them countless other places... again, see above. I don't personally consider it one of James Cameron's best works, but I do enjoy watching it every now and again. Maybe just not as often as his other works we've already covered. I'd say give it a watch if you haven't, keep your expectations for a story that feels mired, but prepare to be visually dazzled!

Stay tuned, only one more post in James Camer-thon to go before we move on!

James Camer-thon: A Review of "Titanic", Part 2

"Jack, it's cold!"
"You know what else is cold? Dumping the diamond in the ocean when it could've paid your granddaughter's
tuition, bought her a house, a car, and sent all her descendants to medical school."

Happy Friday, and welcome to part 2 of my Titanic review as apart of James Camer-thon. Dust off that gold-boxed VHS #2, because we're in the second half of the movie, and have a plethora of behind-the-scenes stuff to talk about. You can re-review part 1 here if you'd like.

Let's crack this iceberg in half!--No... no... that doesn't work. Forgive me, it's early morning writing this and I'm only human.

When we last left... I don't know, "our heroes", so to speak... the ship struck an iceberg and Jack got framed for a crime he did not commit. Unlike Richard Kimble, Jack does not break free from captivity and set about the RMS Titanic looking to find the one-armed man that killed his wife, no no; with the ship sinking, Rose flees Cal and her mother, who has boarded a lifeboat. Rose finds and frees Jack, by haphazardly swinging an axe towards his hand-cuffed hands and, by the grace of James Cameron not wanting to make us ball our eyes out by watching a handless Jack scream while he bleeds out in freezing water, somehow cuts the cuffs and Jack free... and they barely make it back to the boat deck. Cal locates them on the boat deck, and he and Jack urge Rose to board a lifeboat. Having arranged to save himself, Cal falsely claims he can get Jack safely off the ship. As her lifeboat is lowered, Rose, unable to abandon Jack, jumps back on board. Ladies... remember the guy you knew for two days in high school? Would you abandon your get-off-a-sinking-ship free card for that guy? DOUBT IT. After angrily seeing Rose find true happiness in reuniting with Jack... Cal grabs Lovejoy's pistol and chases Rose and Jack into the flooding first-class dining saloon. They get away, and Cal realizes that he gave his coat, and consequently the necklace, to Rose; he later boards a lifeboat posing as a lost child's father. This would be a scumbag thing, but I like to imagine Cal is going to also take care of the child once they make it back to the mainland, but who am I kidding.

"Jack! The dining room is flooded!"
"No amount of freezing ocean water is going to separate
me from my hankering for CHICKEN WINGS!"

Jack and Rose return to the boat deck. The lifeboats have departed and the ship's stern is rising as the flooded bow sinks. As passengers fall to their deaths, Jack and Rose desperately cling to the stern rail. The upended ship breaks in half and the bow section dives downward. The remaining stern slams back onto the ocean... which is a horrendous way to go out if you're one of the little swimmers stranded in the water. Imagine swimming for your life and seeing a stern-half of a mighty cruise ship plummeting back towards you. No amount of repentance with God is going to save you from the death-blow you're about to receive. As the bow sinks, it pulls the stern vertical again before it, too, sinks.

... and now we come to the one of the biggest, most prevailing debates on the internet. In the freezing water, Jack helps Rose onto a wood transom panel among the debris, SUPPOSEDLY buoyant enough for only one person, and makes her promise to survive. Jack dies of hypothermia, and Rose is saved by a returning lifeboat, keeping her promise. This has been argued, and argued, and argued since 1997 and one wonders if the debate will ever day. Mythbusters did an episode on it, one which James Cameron laughably called something along the lines of "a total load of bullshit". It has been debated, and the verdict is out. On the National Geographic's special "Titanic: 25 Years Later With James Cameron" which aired very recently... Cameron used SCIENCE and recreated the door scene, using a team of scientists, as well as two actors with sensors on their bodies who were the same body mass as Leo and Kate to determine hypothermia reaction and effects on the human body in those circumstances. After all this study, Cameron says "Pending a ton of variables, Jack could get into a place where if we projected that out, he just might've made it until a lifeboat got there. Jack might've lived, but there's a lot of variables." Science, bitch.

"Jack, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Actually I'm thinking about why they call her Unsinkable Molly Brown?
I'm sure if she struck an iceberg, she would sink for sure!"

Any who, back to the end of this three-and-a-half hour opus. The RMS Carpathia rescues the survivors; Rose avoids Cal by hiding among the steerage passengers and gives her name as Rose Dawson, ensuring she will remain hidden from him and her mother forever. Still crazy that meeting one boy for two-three days makes Rose change her entire identity and hide from her family forever... but I suppose that boy was 1997 Leonardo DiCaprio, so go figure. I don't know; ladies, again, tell me if that's feasible. On the deck of the Carpathia pulling into New York, Rose is still wearing Cal's overcoat, and she discovers the necklace tucked inside the pocket. Flash forward to 1996, the elderly Rose says she later heard that Cal committed suicide after losing his fortune in the Wall Street Crash of 1929. Lovett abandons his search, feeling like a rotten money-hungry scumbag after hearing Rose's story... HA, I knew it.

Speaking of being selfish with money... alone on the stern of Keldysh, Rose takes out the Heart of the Ocean, which has been in her possession all along, and drops it into the sea over the wreck site. Another classically debated bit in the movie. On the one hand, it's endearing she left the necklace that caused her such a nightmare on the ship in the water with the corpses of those she sailed with all those decades ago. On the other hand, I'm sure Rose's granddaughter, and great-grandchildren and future heirs and heiresses probably would've profited very nicely getting their hands on that jewel. Rose would've really helped her family with that one. Nope, like a selfish beanbag, she just tosses it in the ocean so her granddaughter Lizzy (Suzy Amis) could keep working as an accountant or some shit. Bogus! Finally, while she is seemingly asleep in her bed, her photos on the dresser depict a life of freedom and adventure inspired by her early conversations with Jack. A young Rose reunites with Jack at Titanic's Grand Staircase, applauded by those who died on the ship as we take one last look at the ship's skylight... and we fade to that BLASTED Celine Dion song and the end credits.

Show this picture to your next maritime travel
agent to fill them with existential dread.

So what did we learn today?... and last week? Combined? Well, first off I'll say Titanic is indeed a very powerful film. It is emotionally moving and tells a very sweet, if not a little far-fetched (again... ladies?) love story. Probably aside from Terminator and T2, it'll stand as the one James Cameron is best known for. It's an epic, in every sense of the word, and echoes that "epic" feel most films of the 1950s and 1960s had. See in the 1930s and 1940s, movies weren't very long. By the time the 1950s rolled around, films ended up with more runtime than they knew what to do with; wanting to upstage each other in terms of magnitude and gravitas. I mentioned a few in Part 1's review, so you get where I'm coming from here. As for production, this movie carries a plethora of behind-the-scenes factoids and tidbits that I'd love to share. *checks watch* Yeah, I've got time.

First off... I know with Marvel films, Harry Potter films, Star Wars films and similar franchises nowadays, breaking the $1 billion mark is no-hard task. In fact with inflation running as rampant as a crackhead in a pharmacy, it seems pretty damn easy to break $1 billion at the box office. Back in 1997-98, this movie stayed in theaters for so long and sold so many tickets it was downright astounding, and made headlines. In fact, due to the long theatrical run of the movie, Paramount Pictures had to send out replacement reels to theaters that had literally worn out their copies. The fateful day was March 1st, 1998, news broke that James Cameron's Titanic had become the first movie in cinema history to surpass $1 billion at the box office, in only seventy-four days of release. Cameron's next two films (which we will get to to close out James Camer-thon) saw similar feats in similar, short amounts of time. Truly the G.O.A.T.

"--and it was at this moment Mr. Guggenheim realized
that the jar of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" was, in fact,
butter."

Pertaining to historical accuracy, this movie plays fast-and-loose with characters and dialogue in some parts yet remains historically accurate visually pretty much everywhere else. The elderly couple seen hugging on the bed while water floods their room, in real life, were the owners of Macy's department store in New York, Rosalie Ida Straus and Isidor Straus, both of whom died on the actual Titanic. On the night the ship sank, Ida was offered a seat on a lifeboat but refused so that she could stay with her husband, saying, "As we have lived together, so we shall die together." There was a scene filmed that depicted this moment but was cut from the final version. It was Mrs. Straus who originally said "Where you go, I go" that inspired Rose's same line in the film. Rose also, as I mentioned in Part 1, flips Jack a Roosevelt dime... a questionable bend in the space-time continuum. She also at one point later gives Lovejoy the bird, which I'm not even sure was a gesture yet. I haven't done research on the origins of the middle finger though, so take that with a grain of salt.

As for sets and costume design, holy Moses this movie hit the nail on the head. I really do feel like I'm on the Titanic for the movie. It looks and feels like how I think the real ship would. The Oscar was definitely well deserved here... but boy it must've been stressful when it came to filming the sinking scenes. When the scene where a wall of water bursts through a doorway was first shot, Cameron said that the 40,000 gallons of water dumped into the corridor set were not enough, and asked for triple that amount. The set had to be rebuilt to stand up under the additional weight of water. Luckily, that hallway set was small, and while rebuilding it was tedious I'm sure... the grand staircase shot on the other hand must've been a set-design nightmare. The one near the end where the water comes crashing into the Grand Staircase, the filmmakers had only one shot at it because the entire set and furnishings were going to be destroyed. You think that's nuts? What about the stunt double for Captain Smith's infamous death scene? They straight-up KILLED that guy when they flooded the wheelhouse... just kidding, but you can imagine if that were true, though.

"Splish! Splash! I was taking a bath!"

I also want to very briefly touch upon the score real quick. James Horner's finest work if you ask me. The Titanic score has become so ingrained in pop culture. That woman's voice doing those vocal hooks rings in all of our heads. Probably even your head now as you're reading this. There's also a very tender piano medley that plays when the drawing scene. Rose's theme is also very tender. It all sounds the same, but tonally they all fit their scenes perfectly. Also, yes... that Celine Dion song. Which by this point has become a meme. I love Titanic's score, but that song is something else.

If nothing else, Titanic was a triumph of an underdog of a movie. It was doomed to fail by pretty much everyone and their mothers. Reportedly, Cameron forfeited his $8 million upfront director's salary and his percentage of the initial gross when the studio became outright distraught at how much over budget the movie was running; he would only receive a back-end percentage if the film did exceptionally well. He noted that initial compliments over the raw footage became more sparing over time as the costs spiraled out of control, and the studio heads at 20th Century Fox and Paramount Pictures "acted like they'd been diagnosed with terminal cancer" as the release date drew near. Even Cameron himself was at one point convinced that the film would bomb, and he would never work again; analysts had predicted a total loss of at least $100 million, so he could only hope to at least make a very good film. Imagine a movie you're making losing $100 million. Would you even see $100 million ever again? I don't think I'll ever see $100 million again. At one point, he ran into Fox CEO Rupert Murdoch, my guess as a game of Croquet (or some other rich person's sport... Polo?) and told him "I guess that I'm not your most favorite person in the world, but the movie is going to be good". Murdoch simply replied "It better be a damn sight better than 'good'." The film's initial budget, roughly $135 million, adjusted for inflation in 2017 dollars, is closer to $208 million. The final production budget of $200 million, adjusted for inflation in 2017 dollars, is closer to $309 million... so you can see how people in 1995/96 were a little shall we say "on edge" at the notion of trying to make all that dough back. It was easily the most expensive movie to be filmed in the 20th century. This budget was bigger than the building cost of the actual Titanic, which cost $7.5 million in 1912, which equates to about $150 million 1997 dollars to build. So you can see how execs would've been a little anxious.

"Jim, if you're in the water like that you're going to freeze
to death!"
"What makes you say that, guys?"
"--you freakin' kidding me right now?"

Despite all of that, Titanic, again, surpassed the odds and became not only extremely profitable, but also critically acclaimed. At the 1998 Oscars, it took home eleven... ELEVEN, and I thought it was a big deal when The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King did the same thing a mere six years later. That's huge, and famously as Jack Dawson did in his movie, James Cameron accepted the Best Picture Oscar at the end of the night by screaming "I'm the king of the world!"

Lastly... what do I think of Titanic? I enjoy it quite a bit. I don't mind the runtime, it seems to by very smoothly. I love the sets, the design, the feel of it. It's a very epic feeling-and-looking movie. The love story feels a tad hokey to me, and there's some decisions made by people in love that I question the logic on in the long run, ha, but overall it's a fun movie. As a chick-flick feel good movie, it works. As a disaster movie, it works. As a historical drama, it works. It just works across the board. My recommendation? Set aside a night, get with your significant other, turn the phone on silent, pop some popcorn and give it a go. If you feel, and have feelings... lol... you'll love it. Again, it may feel a tad hokey these many years later being meme'd like it has, but if you can look past that, you can see why it's considered the epic that it is.