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| What an epic shot... Harrison Ford looking all badass. Sean Connery studying Harrison Ford's ear... probably hoping he doesn't have an ear infection. |
Happy Friday. Hope your weekend last week was a glorious as this one. If it wasn't, well I'm sorry but life can sometimes be a cruel, unfair mistress. If you went to Disney World last weekend, I don't think you're going to be able to top that this weekend but hey more power to you and good luck!
Now I know what you're thinking; wait... Last Crusade? That didn't come after Raiders... didn't we skip one? Indeed we did, but never fear; it turns out I already did a review of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, and even I forgot! I remember I chose to single that one out as that is a "unique" entry in the series, and thought it deserved it's own review, out of place. If you want to go in production order, stop what you're doing and read the Temple of Doom review here. Don't worry, I'll wait. I have a bunch of desk ornaments to admire, memes to chuckle at, and adult beverages to consume...
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| "... I wonder what would happen if I take this to a drug test and pee in it?" |
... Welcome back! Now, we've read about the lukewarm reception received by Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, something that even Lucas and Spielberg have since agreed to, stating that they wanted a darker film but admits they went too far with a few things. Spielberg even claimed "I produced Poltergeist, and I thought Temple of Doom out-poltered Poltergeist." Let that quote stand on its own. Spielberg reportedly had agreed initially to a three-movie deal with George Lucas when they initially came up with the idea for Indiana Jones on vacation in '78/'79... so we were guaranteed one more movie. It was a chance to for Spielberg and Lucas to backpedal, take the film back to the Raiders roots. Family-friendly (to a degree), action-packed, adventurous, on-the-edge-of-your-seat entertainment. After directing two highly-acclaimed films Empire of the Sun and The Color Purple... Spielberg was recruited by George Lucas for the third installment of the Indiana Jones franchise. Here is Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Does it rebound from Temple of Doom? Is it on par with Raiders? Yes. All the above, and more. In a classic return to form, I present Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.
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| "I know I'm being chased by evildoers but... did I leave the oven on when I left the house this morning?" |
In 1938, twenty-six years later, Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) fights "Panama Hat" (Paul Maxwell) and his henchmen on a ship off the coast of Portugal. Escaping overboard just before the ship explodes, he recovers the cross and donates it to Marcus Brody's (Denholm Elliot) museum. Later, Indiana learns from Walter Donovan (Julian Glover) that his father was searching for the Holy Grail using an incomplete inscription from a stone tablet as a guide and has since vanished. Empire Strikes Back alumn #1: Julian Glover played "General Veers"... who led the AT-AT walker assault on Hoth against the Rebels. Recycled Star Wars guy confirmed. Continuing on... Indiana receives Henry's Grail diary via mail from Venice and heads there with Marcus, where they meet Henry's Austrian colleague, Dr. Elsa Schneider (Allison Doody). Right off the bat, we're re-introduced to Marcus Brody, and we see scenes echo Raiders in similarity. The opening adventure that has no bearing on the main plot, returning Indy to Marshall College, Marcus coming to fetch him out of his classroom... this was all in an attempt by Spielberg and Lucas to re-capture the spirit of Raiders of the Lost Ark after going too far out there with Temple of Doom. Already, this movie feels on-par with Raiders... and we're still only in the beginning.
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| "Wow, look at this thing. Jesus had really good taste, know what I'm saying?" "Yeah 'pretty good taste' considering it caught his blood at the Crucifixion." |
Beneath the library (a converted church) where Indy's father was last seen, Indiana and Elsa discover a set of half-flooded catacombs that house the tomb of a First Crusade knight that contains a complete version of the inscription that Indy's father had used, revealing the location of the Grail. They flee when the petroleum-saturated waters of the catacombs are set on fire by the Brotherhood of the Cruciform Sword, a secret society whose mission is to protect the Grail and keep the Cup of Christ out of evil's hands. Boy... Indiana Jones really does more harm than good when he shows up to a place doesn't he? I don't think there's on place in this whole movie that Indy doesn't destroy, fuck with, or leave as he arrived. Indiana and Elsa capture Brotherhood member Kazim (Kevork Malikyan), and when Indiana explains that his only goal is to find his father, not the Grail, Kazim tells them his father's location. Looking through the diary, Marcus finds a map drawn by Indy's father of the route to the Grail, which begins in the ancient city of Alexandretta. Indiana removes the map from the diary, gives it to Marcus for safekeeping, and sends him to İskenderun, the city built on the ruins of Alexandretta, to rendezvous with their old friend Sallah (John Rhys-Davies). Again, another attempt to recapture Raiders' glory... including the character of Sallah as well. Elsa begins a relationship with Indiana before they depart to find his father.
Indiana and Elsa head to Castle Brunwald, a Nazi-controlled castle in Austria, where his father is being held. Indiana finds him, Professor Henry Jones (Sir Sean Connery) and frees him only to be quickly captured by SS Colonel Ernst Vogel (Michael Byrne). He learns that Elsa is a Nazi, and Donovan is working with them. They are using the Joneses to find the Grail for them. Elsa kisses Indiana goodbye as she departs with Donovan and Vogel. Marcus is captured in Hatay State while meeting with Sallah. After their escape from the castle, Henry tells Indiana that the Grail is guarded by three booby traps and his diary contains clues needed to pass them safely. Disguised as a German Army colonel, Indiana recovers the diary from Elsa in Berlin, who claims she's merely acting as a double agent to keep the grail away from the Nazis, at a Nazi book burning rally in Berlin and comes face to face with Adolf Hitler (Michael Sheard), who autographs the book without recognizing it or him. Empire Strikes Back alumn #2: Michael Sheard is the same actor who played Admiral Ozzle in The Empire Strikes Back... the one who dropped out of lightspeed too close to the system. Another recycled Star Wars guy confirmed! It must be Christmas! *Checks calendar* Oh wait.... Moving on! Indiana and Henry board a Zeppelin to leave Germany, but are discovered and forced to escape in its parasite biplane. A dogfight with Luftwaffe fighters ensues; although Indiana and Henry are forced to crash-land, they survive and successfully bring down their pursuers.
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| How it feels to chew 5 Gum... stimulate your senses... |
In Hatay, Sallah tells them of Marcus's abduction. The Nazis have since been equipped with heavy as balls artillery, including a vintage WWI tank, by the Sultan of Hatay... all for nothing more than a Rolls-Royce Phantom II automobile... That leads me to believe that in 1938 Hatay, the exchange rate for all the mechanized warfare you could want to wage a small war will only cost you one luxury automobile. Go figure! They also learn the Nazis are already moving toward the Grail's location, using the map possessed by Marcus. Indiana, Henry, and Sallah find the Nazi expedition, which is ambushed by the Brotherhood. This time of the Cruciform GUN as they unload on the Nazis using a barrage of small arms' fire. During the battle, Henry is captured by Vogel while attempting to rescue Marcus; Kazim and his comrades are killed. Indiana pursues the tank on horseback and, with the aid of Sallah, saves Henry and Marcus. He is caught up in a fight with Vogel, but escapes just before the tank goes over a cliff, sending Vogel to his death.
The team of heroes catch up with the surviving Nazis, who have found the temple in The Canyon of the Crescent Moon where the Holy Grail is kept but finds the troupe packed with newbs who can't get passed the first trap. Donovan shoots and mortally wounds Henry to force Indiana to risk his life in the traps to find the Grail and use its healing power to save his father. This is a moment in the movie where I go... "Yeah no okay this guy's evil". Like, you get people in family movies that are "evil"... but this guy is a straight-up douche. Using the clues in the diary (and followed by Donovan and Elsa), Indiana safely overcomes the traps (which include fast-moving saw blades, a word puzzle, and a hidden bridge over a bottomless pit) and reaches the Grail's chamber, which is guarded by a knight (stage veteran Robert Eddison). The man has been kept alive for 700 years by the power of the Grail, which is hidden among dozens of false grails of various designs. The true Grail grants eternal life, while the false ones will kill anyone who drinks from them. Elsa selects an incorrect cup for Donovan, causing him to rapidly age and crumble to dust after drinking from it. Indiana correctly identifies a simple clay cup as the true Grail and drinks from it, but the knight warns that it cannot be taken out of the temple, and that its guardian must stay within to remain immortal. "That is the price of immortality". FUN FACT: The Grail Knight it was originally pitched was to be played by Sir Laurence Olivier... arguably one of the greatest screen actors of the Golden Age of cinema, but he was very very ill by 1988-89 and unfortunately passed away very shortly after the movie was released.
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| "We didn't start the fire! It was always burnin' since the world's been turnin'!" "Dad, this is neither the time, nor the place!" |
Indiana fills the Grail with Holy water and brings it to Henry, healing him instantly. Elsa disregards the knight's warning like a true LeRoy Jenkins and tries to take the Grail with her, causing the temple to collapse around them when she crosses the Great Seal set in the floor at the entrance. Seriously... the Grail Knight must've felt like God after telling Adam & Eve not to eat the Forbidden Fruit... like "You guys had literally one job." When the Grail falls into a chasm in the floor, Elsa plummets to her death trying to recover it. Indiana nearly suffers the same fate before Henry persuades him to leave it. The Grail Knight bids them farewell as they escape. Again, real politely considering this bumbling troupe of assholes destroyed his house around him after ignoring his one plea. In a comedic final bit (since this was originally going to be a trilogy and left at that), the group of heroes learn that Indiana's real name is "Henry Jones Jr.", and that "Indiana" is a nickname taken after the Jones's dog... seen in the beginning of the film. After leaving the temple, the Joneses, Marcus, and Sallah ride off into the sunset... bringing the curtain down on the Raiders trilogy and for a time... Indiana Jones.
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| *Mushy kissing noises* "For God's sake, junior! I'm strapped right next to you!" |
So where do we begin with Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade? First of all, the "spirit" shall we say of Indiana Jones is back full force in this one. Spielberg's attempts to hasten people's forgetting of Temple of Doom worked out well because he atoned for that film and then some with this one. With Sallah and Brody back in the film, it feels more like a spiritual successor to Raiders that we were hoping for. While Sallah has a smaller role in this one, Brody actually has a much larger one so it balances out well. Also, it may seem stale that the Nazis are back again as the villains, but honestly again... after trying to differentiate with Temple of Doom only for that one to end up being awkwardly racial... going back to form is exactly what we wanted. Reference Star Wars vs. Star Wars: The Force Awakens and the comparisons I made in one of my very first blog posts about Coke vs. New Coke... I rest my case. The action and score also doesn't skip a beat. Williams' whimsical chase music for both the opening circus train sequence as well as the motorcycle and biplane escapes are upbeat and fun to listen to on the albums... and his use of "Der Königgrätzer Marsch" during the book burning rally scene, while not an anthem used for the Nazis or Nazi Germany at all... somehow fits. Oh and Harrison Ford continued being a badass because as with the prior two Indy films, he did most of if not all of his own stunts. In fact, according to stuntman Vic Armstrong, he had to pull Ford to one side and ask him to let him "do some work" because Ford was doing so much of the action himself. Armstrong later said, "If he wasn't such a great actor, he would have made a really great stuntman."
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| "Wow, dad. Maybe the Cup of Christ was really inside all of us all along." "Junior, try harder at the story morals next time would you please?" |
Finally, the big question: As I mentioned in my Temple of Doom post linked above, often times the debate between Indiana Jones movies isn't like debating Star Wars, James Bond, or Marvel movies... where there are tons of different candidates for possible favorites among different people who have differing tastes and ideologies about how they like their stories. With Indiana Jones franchise, you're pretty much going to get one of two picks from people. Raiders of the Lost Ark... or Last Crusade. There are some contrarians who will pick Temple of Doom or our next review, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull as their favorites, for their own reasons, but a majority of the time, it comes down between Raiders and Crusade. It's like Coke vs. Pepsi, USA vs. Russia, Beatles vs. Rolling Stones, Diane Sawyer vs. Katie Couric, Jacob vs. Edward....
Personally, while I am team Raiders and will be forever... Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade is an equal partner, a solid A+ sequel. It's on par with Raiders in so many ways. Adventure, score, characterizations, action sequences, props, cinematography, perils; I could go on. I recommend Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, wholeheartedly. Especially if you're doing these in sequence or in order and felt like Temple of Doom sucker-punched you right in your stomach. It'll pick you right back up and put you back in the family-friendly action-adventure saddle for another thrill ride of your life! Watch it if you haven't seen it yet! Immediately. Or else... or eeeeeelse... I haven't thought of something yet but GOD HELP YOU WHEN I DO.
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