Ranking the "Halloween" Movies: #6 - "Halloween H20: Twenty Years Later" (1998)

It's a mere seventeen days to Halloween 2016, and our countdown/ranking of the Halloween movies (again, in my opinion you opinionated extremists) continues! Also, I meant to post this yesterday.

#6 - Halloween H2O: Twenty Years Later (1998)

Michael Myers gets his ass kicked as Laurie goes apeshit.

*DISCLAIMER*. This is the Halloween movie I've seen the least. Prepare for kind of a light review. Apologies.

Now we come to when the Halloween franchise got even more chronologically confusing. Halloween H2O (stylized as H20 for the twentieth anniversary of the franchise) is the seventh film in the series. The producers felt that there was no bouncing back from Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers with a sequel that could even appear semi-logical, so they abandoned that whole storyline and started fresh. That's right, Halloween H2O is named as a sequel to 1981's Halloween II, ignoring all the events from Halloween 4 to Curse in the process. Jamie Lloyd, Rachel Carruthers, Tia's silly ass, and the whole cult of Thorn; gone from continuity. They never happened. Why? Because series co-icon Jamie Lee Curtis decided to return for the film as Laurie Strode, which was unprecedented as Jamie was a huge success at the time. She was calling for John Carpenter to even return to write and direct the film, which ultimately never came to be.

Telegram for Mrs. Strode!

The movie opens with an older Marion Chambers, the nurse and Sam Loomis's feminine cohort the first two Halloween films. Loomis died in between II and this film, apparently ALSO surviving the explosion at the end of II but dying before the events of this film anyway. In real life, Donald Pleasence had passed away prior to this film being made (hell, Curse technically wasn't even done yet). Marion finds that someone has been in her house and has stolen her file on Laurie Strode. I may have missed the part where she's allowed to keep files on other people, but I digress. Marion realizes that it was Michael Myers who was in her home, who kills her next door neighbor before killing her and going off to find his baby sister. Pretty strong opening and eerie opening to the movie, not going to lie. Meanwhile, Laurie (who's surprisingly kind of bitter about the whole ordeal on Halloween night in '78) moved to California under the name "Keri Tate" and had a son named Josh Hartnett, who's going under the moniker of "John Tate". The last time she saw her brother Michael, he was burning to a crisp after the hospital explosion at the end of II. She runs a boarding school for preppy weirdos who like to dress alike and study poorly, her son included. Together with a security guard played either seriously or ironically by LL Cool J (I still haven't decided), most of the class prepares for a field trip to Yosemite National Park. John, however, decides to stick around with his girlfriend, 90's girl #1, and party it up at school. Too bad his deadbeat uncle Michael has other arrangements, and invades the school grounds in search for Laurie. Laurie initially is terrified at her brother's return, especially when they come face-to-face in the glass circle in the door. However, soon, Laurie's had enough. Twenty years of frustration, twenty years of hiding, twenty years of being afraid, Laurie's at her wit's end. She decides to step up and fight Michael once and for all.

That final battle between Laurie and Michael that goes all over the school is a ball-buster. It's balls-to-the-wall revenge for Laurie. She throws literally everything at Michael. Michael gets his ass kicked by his sister. He takes an axe chop, gets hit with a fire extinguisher, has knives thrown at him, gets stabbed a few times, falls through a table, and at the end of it all, gets his head chopped off. That's right, this movie tried to definitively end the entire series! Basically, after Michael is loaded into the ambulance, you'd think the movie's going to have a nice, calm ending like the other films that made you think Michael was dead. No! Laurie's not convinced! She's not having it! She hijacks the ambulance at gunpoint and drives it off into the night. Surprise, surprise, Michael's not dead. He wakes up in the back of the ambulance and ambushes Laurie, causing her to crash and go off an ridge road and down a hilly slope. The ambulance crashes against a tree, pinning Michael to it. It's seriously the worst shape we've seen him in and the most defenseless he's ever been. During what feels like a moment of pity, Laurie reaches her hand out to him and almost takes his hand, but in realizes that she must finally put the evil down for good and chops his fucking head off. With one swing of the axe, off with Michael's noggin. It seriously can't get any more end-all than that. Except if you read my Halloween: Resurrection review, it can. (Read it here).

They both look constipated.

So, that was lightly touching on the plot. Of course, there's still more to say other than the plot because this movie's riddled with random tidbits. First off, Josh Hartnett. This was the same year as The Faculty and Josh was slowly working his way up to becoming a major Hollywood star. The funny thing to me is that in this movie and in The Faculty, Josh Hartnett looks exactly the same. Even his hairstyle, the goofy messy lump of fuzz that most slackers in Hollywood utilize, is the same. Stupid little things like that are funny to me, I guess. A fun little tribute is Janet Leigh, Jamie Lee Curtis's mother and the star of Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho, who has a supporting role as Norma. There's even a scene that tributes Psycho directly, when she walks up to her blue car, which even has the same license plate, to a small musical piece recycled from Psycho.

Like I said, the biggest thing about this movie and what made it ignore the events of 4 through Curse and be a sequel to II is the fact that Jamie Lee Curtis returned from the stardom of Hollywood to the role that made her famous. It must've been an odd feeling. A major Hollywood star returning to a small-time role that made her famous is truly humble and, as you'd expect, she did a fucking phenomenal job slipping right back into character. This time, Laurie's much different. She hasn't seen Michael since the catastrophe on Halloween night in Haddonfield twenty years prior, She's initially very anxious and weary that Michael may not be dead and may be coming back soon. When she sees him roaming around Haddonfield in her visions she is initially terrified. By the end, Laurie's pissed off that Michael has been killing her students and threatening her son. She flips out! She's not afraid anymore! She's ready to whoop some ass, and the entire end chase/battle through the school proves it What Jamie wanted to happen was a Halloween anniversary homecoming, that is as many cast and crew members from the original Halloween as possible to return to make the movie. She even campaigned heavily for series co-creator John Carpenter to return as director. He accepted the offer, but asked for too much money and Moustapha Akkad rejected the request, so he left.

I'm 'bout to carve dat turkey like a baws

Another thing they did was shrink Michael Myers back down to an average build. In Halloween and Halloween II Michael was of average size. He didn't have an overbearing physique and looked like just a regular guy. In Halloween 4, after being a coma for ten years, he was somehow swelled up in size. He looked like a football player that could bench-press a car. That didn't change in 5 and Curse, He was huge. In H2O, he returned to being very meager and average. While his build looks correct, his mask looks a little hokey. I don't know, just something about it doesn't look right. I can't put my finger on it. For the most part, he looks pretty good.

Aside from that, there's really not much else to say. The movie wasn't so much about the side characters as it was Jamie Lee Curtis returning to kick some ass. I wish I'd watched the movie again before reviewing it as it's been so long and so little viewings, but there's really not much to say. The ending is what really makes the movie good, and the rest just feels like your run-of-the-mill 90's slasher movie. It feels so 90's it almost doesn't even feel like a Halloween movie until Laurie and Michael duke it out.It's not a Rocky V scenario where the ending is the only good part, but it's definitely the highlight. I say give it a watch, and then watch it again for me!

Coming in 2018. Halloween H4O; Forty Years Later. Jamie Lee Curtis returns again to battle Michael Myers in the mental ward of the international space station.