James Camer-thon: A Review of "Avatar: The Way of Water"

I don't know why but all I hear is echo-y whimsical music when I see this image--oh cripes, it's working!
James Cameron is a genius!

Happy Friday, and welcome to (as of now) the conclusion of "James Camer-thon". We've covered the man's entire filmography up to this point, excluding Piranha II: The Spawning, naturally. It's time to wrap this marathon up in a neat, little bow! Not a Christmas bow, it's only March after all.

Real men wear war-paint... and also have pretty
snazzy computer-generated dreadlocks!

After the immense success of Avatar, it was revealed by James Cameron sometime in early/mid 2010 that he had plans for FOUR sequels. He would film Avatar 2 and 3 back-to-back, and if those were financially successful, he would do 4 and 5 back-to-back. Rumors even circulated of Avatar 6, 7, and 8 being planned as well. Those were debunked eventually. Getting started, the first Avatar sequel we're here to wrap up with today spent many of its years in production as sort of an internet punchline. Originally scheduled for a December 2014 release, five years after Avatar, the film was subject to numerous delays. I'm talking delay after delay after delay. So much so that I recall seeing IGN articles showing the delays, and Marvel neckbeards commenting "NoBodY cArEs aNyMoRe" repeatedly. I began to believe them... as the first due date passed. So did 2015, and 2016... and 2017 and 2018 afterwards. I began to wonder if this movie would ever see the light of day, or if it was doomed to die in production and its existing footage be shelved or vaulted, never to be seen again. Was James Cameron's career as a filmmaker over?

It wouldn't be until summer 2022 that we would finally get a solid release date of December 16th, 2022. It's title was revealed... Avatar: The Way of Water. Even as summer faded into fall, I was waiting for this movie to get postponed again, but thankfully it never did, and I was able to make it to theaters in January to see it! A movie thirteen years in the making, at a cost of between $350-400 million, reportedly. After all that time, all that wait, all that wondering and hyping... how did the film itself turn out? This is Avatar: The Way of Water... a movie that teaches us if you just wanted to spend thirteen years dunking the first Avatar film underwater and calling it a sequel, you couldn't have done a finer job.

Which one of these is not like the other? Betcha
$10 this kid'll have a pretty strong story arc.

Sixteen years after the Na'vi repelled the RDA invasion of Pandora... of course seen in the events of Avatar, Jake Sully (Sam Worthington) lives as chief of the Omatikaya clan and raises a family with Neytiri (Zoe Saldana), which includes sons Neteyam (Jamie Flatters) and Lo'ak (Britain Dalton), daughter Tuk (Trinity Jo-Li Bliss). They also care for adopted children Kiri (born from Grace Augustine's inert avatar, therefore played by Sigourney Weaver) and Spider (Jack Champion), the Pandora-born human son of the late Colonel Miles Quaritch (Stephen Lang). To the Na'vi's dismay, the RDA, led by their new leader, Frances Ardmore (Edie Falco), returns to colonize Pandora as Earth is dying. Among the new arrivals are Recombinants—Na'vi avatars implanted with deceased human soldiers' memories—with Quaritch's recombinant serving as the leader. There, now you have your decade-long question of "How in the name of hell do Sigourney and Stephen Lang appear in this if they died in Avatar?" answered! Only took thirteen years to find out, and by then you probably forgot you were even wondering.

A year later, Jake leads a guerilla campaign against the RDA. During a counterinsurgency mission, Quaritch and his subordinates capture Jake's children. Jake and Neytiri arrive and free them, killing several of Quaritch's soldiers, but Spider remains captured by Quaritch, who recognizes him as his son. I'm not exactly sure how... given that Quaritch died right as Spider was born... and infants don't look like teenagers very well. I guess it's just that father/son genome? Anywho, after the RDA fails to get information from Spider, Quaritch decides to spend time with his son to draw him on his side. In turn, Spider teaches Quaritch about Na'vi culture and language. Aware of the danger posed by Spider's knowledge of his whereabouts, Jake and his family exile themselves from the Omatikaya and retreat to Pandora's eastern seaboard, where the Metkayina clan gives them refuge. There, the family learns the ways of the reef people, Kiri develops a spiritual bond with the sea, and Lo'ak befriends Tsireya (Bailey Bass), the daughter of chief Tonowari (Cliff Curtis) and his wife, Ronal (Kate Winslet... back again from her time being lambasted by Cameron during the making of Titanic! Hehehe).

"Hello, we are your new water-tribe leaders for this movie.
Betcha $10 one of us will die and/or play a pretty important
role in your acceptance!

After defending Kiri against Aonung (Filip Geljo), Tonowari's son, Lo'ak apologizes at Jake's insistence. Aonung and his friends then entice Lo'ak to a trip into a sea predator's territory and leave him stranded. After being saved from a giant sea beast, Lo'ak is befriended by Payakan, a Tulkun—an intelligent and pacifistic whale-like species whom the Metkayina consider their spiritual brethren. I call him "Free Willy"... because that's what we all thought when we saw this dynamic at play. Upon his return, Lo'ak wins Aonung's friendship by taking the blame for the trip but is told that Payakan is an outcast among the Tulkun. Later, Kiri links to the Metkayina's underwater Spirit Tree and spiritually "meets" her biological mother, Grace, whose consciousness lives within Pandora. During the link-induced trance, Kiri suffers a seizure and falls unconscious, nearly drowning. I guess Sigourney Weaver is trying to kill Sigourney Weaver then? She must want out of the series of sequels... as at this rate she'll be waiting until 2050 to be done.

Jake summons Norm Spellman (Joel David Moore) and Max Patel (Dileep Rao) for help using their medical equipment, where they diagnose Kiri with epilepsy and warn that she cannot connect to the Spirit Tree again, as doing so may kill her. Including these two lovable side characters was a nice "Hey, sorry about the thirteen year long wait. You guys remember the first Avatar? We sure do!" moment, and it was nice to see Norm back. I really like Norm, and Joel David Moore. Although Ronal saves Kiri, Quaritch tracks Norm and Max's aircraft to the archipelago where the Metkayina live. Bringing Spider with him, Quaritch joins forces with the RDA's marine operations, led by Captain Mick Scoresby (Brendan Cowell), and commandeers a whaling vessel that hunts Tulkuns to extract an anti-aging serum called amrita. Ha, one of the worst moments of the movie is "This is the richest liquid in the universe"... and then it's never mentioned again. Quaritch's squad raids the archipelago, interrogating the tribes about Jake's location to no avail. Quaritch then orders the whalers to kill Tulkuns near the villages to draw Jake out. Lo'ak mentally links with Payakan and learns that he was cast out because he went against the pacifist ways of his species and attacked the whalers who killed his mother, causing many deaths. Good for you Free Willy, though, may want to pump the brakes on the murders. Probably just swamp their boats from now on?

*Whale noises* "I know, Free Willy, we're not in Kansas
anymore!"*Whale noises* "Don't tell me to pick just
one cliché, can't be done!"

When the Metkayina learns of the Tulkun killings, Lo'ak warns Payakan, followed by his siblings and friends. They find Payakan being hunted, and Quaritch captures Lo'ak, Tsireya, and Tuk. Really? AGAIN?! How many times are the children going to get captured?! You'd think they'd learn by now. Jake, Neytiri, and the Metkayina set out to confront the humans and rescue the kids. Quaritch forces Jake to surrender, but Payakan attacks the whalers, triggering a fight between the Metkayina and the crew members. Spider cripples the vessel, and Payakan severs Scoresby's arm. Neteyam rescues Lo'ak, Tsireya, and Spider but is killed after being fatally shot by Quaritch. Devastated, both parents go back to save their remaining children that were recaptured; upon facing Quaritch's team, Neytiri flies into a grieving rage and brutally murders many of them, accidentally breaking her father's bow in the process. Jake faces Quaritch, who uses Kiri as a hostage, and when Neytiri does the same with Spider, Quaritch at first denies their relationship but desists once Neytiri attempts to kill Spider. Pretty messed up for Neytiri to pantomime killing the adopted son she's cared for into teenage years, but I mean... it works so... bonus points?

Jake, Quaritch, Neytiri, and Tuk are trapped inside the sinking vessel. After a tense skirmish, Jake strangles Quaritch unconscious and is rescued by Lo'ak and Payakan, while Kiri rescues Neytiri and Tuk. Spider rescues Quaritch but refuses to go with him and rejoins Jake's family, at which point he is welcomed as a true son. After Neteyam's funeral, Jake informs Tonowari of his decision to leave the Metkayina. Still, the chief respectfully identifies Jake as part of the clan and welcomes him and his family to stay. Before vowing to resume their campaign against the RDA, Jake and his family accept and live their new life at sea... that is until Avatar 3 drops in 2035 where Jake and Neytiri will take their kids go join a tribe of Na'vi that dwells in Goron City or something.

"Jeez, the last time I saw myself look like that, Barack
Obama was president!"

What did we learn from this film today? Honestly, Avatar: The Way of Water, while entertaining... I'm not sure if it holds up to the thirteen-year delay between movies we were faced with. Don't get me wrong! Again, visually stunning and captivating, and even moreso than its predecessor in some spots. The Na'vi traversing water and swimming underwater never looked so beautiful, and again, screencaps from this movie measure up to be a solid Windows desktop background! Ha, but the storytelling again is pretty cliche. Which may just have to be this movie franchise's tagline. I can tell we're on our way to seeing the four sequels to Avatar that are planned are basically going to traverse the four main elements; earth, air, fire, and water. Avatar was already Earth. Avatar: The Way of Water is self-explanatory, and though I joked about it Avatar 3 has already been rumored to circle around a fire tribe of Na'vi housed in a volcano somewhere on Pandora.

Again, it brings up the question of whether or not the Avatar series is made for true filmmaking or just to showcase advancements in special effects technology. James Cameron as a way of making all his stories flow in similar manners. I could really predict where a lot of this story was going. Jake and family get banished, they come to a tribe of water Na'vi, the water Na'vi test them and they are embarrassed, but the water tribe and Jake's family then band together when a mutual threat arrives and fight the RDA to basically a no contest. Some other tropes are Quaritch ditching the scene but subtly vowing return, meaning he'll be the primary antagonist for Avatar 3. Same ol' same ol'.

"Na'vi! Surrender or be killed!"
"Woah, all joking aside; don't you guys think our
little setup here would make a badass LEGO set?!"

The runtime is also a little brutal, and by the end when the ship was sinking and the heroes and Quaritch were trapped in it, I found myself wondering if the movie was going to end. I had fun throughout, don't get me wrong, but I felt drained a little bit by the end. Worn out, I guess. Lots of action and gunplay and hijinks by the two hour, thirty minute mark. Especially when I could predict stuff. See above. It's also weird to me how after one viewing, I can't even name his children. I had to copy and paste them directly from Wikipedia. I'm not even ashamed. I know Jake, Neytiri, Spider, Quaritch... Tsu'tey? No that was the tribe-tough-guy knock off from the first one. See? I can't name their kids at all off the top of my head. I'll bet you can't either! Go ahead... I'll wait--wait I can't test you like this.

Honestly, all joking aside... Avatar: The Way of Water is ok. It tried to be James Camerons' third classic sequel he's entered into pop culture, in terms of scale, grandiose storytelling, and visual effects triumph. It... didn't quite hit those marks, but it still is a pretty impressive sequel, in my opinion. Again, I don't think the Avatar series is really James Cameron's highest mark of storytelling, but it is a very high mark for visual wonderment. I appreciate it for what it is, and if you have three hours to set aside one day (I know you do since most of you binge watch stuff!) I say give it a shot just say you've seen it. Expect what is basically Avatar again, but with some different tropes and cliches thrown in, but you'll still enjoy the ride if you ask me. 

That is James Camer-thon all wrapped up into a little bow! Thanks for reading, and I'll be back next week with yet another series-spanning weeks of posts. Could get a little apey, we may go ape shit, but that's only if we stop monkey-ing around. I'm talking gorilla warfare! Hi, publishing companies? Please hire me! I come complete with boatloads of cringe, free of charge!

James Camer-thon: A Review of "Avatar"

"Ok, I have the arrow pulled back. Where should I aim?"
"At that creature... the one just around the riverbend."
"Ok seriously, knock that shit off. I can smell a lawsuit."

Happy Friday, my fellow digitally-rendered blue cat-people. Sorry I missed a week, but I was busy with travel and work, and whatnot. The usual white collar excuses. Welcome back to James Camer-thon, and we're on the final two posts of this thon before we move on to other movies/shows. James Cameron sure has been a busy body when you look at his filmography once per week.

"You guys ever get the feelin you're being watched?"
"Jake, for the last time, we're cliché enough!"

After Titanic, James Cameron had pretty much conquered Hollywood. I mean he did everything. He made a funny-kind-of action movie, he had two of the best sequels ever made by mortal men under his belt, and he crafted an epic love story against a backdrop of a real-world tragedy and turned it into a $1.7 billion (at the time) and eleven-Oscar triumph. He ticked off any up-and-coming director's "to-do" list... so much so he took a TWELVE YEAR hiatus from directing after Titanic. He did some producing and documentary work, directing the documentary Ghosts of the Abyss after he did Titanic.  During August and September 2001, Cameron and a group of scientists staged an expedition to the wreck of the RMS Titanic and dived in Russian deep-submersibles to obtain more detailed images than anyone had before. Other than that, his filmography remained mostly blank until 2009. That's when a certain movie came out, the likes of which we hadn't seen before. It pushed the boundaries of motion capture animation! It re-designed how a world can be built inside of a computer! It brought us a rich, powerful world full of lore and awe-inspiring visuals! It... blatantly copied the story of Disney's Pocahontas and Dances With Wolves... but OOOOOOH look at the ten-foot, blue cat people! See how they jump! Run! FISH! FIGHT THINGS IN THE SKY!

"James! What look should I give Tsu'tey here?"
"Act like he's dancing with your girl at prom,
and you're stuck watching on the sideline!"

Yes whether or not you can tell already, Avatar isn't really my favorite work from James Cameron. I think it's his biggest ambition, easily. I think he gets credit with the vision and the scale of the setting, but again, it's a story done so many times already in different other forms and mediums that it easily answers the question of which one was Cameron's motive for making the movie; make it look pretty or make it break ground in storytelling again. Let's dive into the world of Pandora... *shudders* even the name is cliché... and dissect this very "blue" film. This is James Cameron's Avatar... a movie that teaches us if you're bound to a wheelchair and given a chance at ghosting your own race in exchange for working legs and sex with a chieftain's daughter, you DO IT no questions asked!

In 2154, the natural resources of the Earth have been depleted. The Resources Development Administration (RDA) mines the valuable mineral unobtanium on Pandora, a moon in the Alpha Centauri star system. Unobtanium, you say? Do they even obtain any? Or is it unobtainable? Eyoooo.... anyway. Pandora, whose atmosphere is inhospitable to humans, is inhabited by the Na'vi, ten-foot-tall (3.0 m), blue-skinned, sapient humanoids... which is a nice way to put "cat people"... that live in harmony with nature. To explore Pandora, genetically matched human scientists use Na'vi-human hybrids called "avatars." Paraplegic Marine Jake Sully (Same Worthington)... the "John Smith" of our story... is sent to Pandora to replace his deceased identical twin, who had signed up to be an operator. Avatar Program head Dr. Grace Augustine (Sigourney Weaver) considers Sully inadequate but accepts him as a bodyguard.

"Does this pistol make my scars look BADASS?"

While escorting the avatars of Grace and Dr. Norm Spellman (Joel David Moore), Jake's avatar is attacked by Pandoran wildlife, and he flees into the forest, where he is rescued by female Na'vi Neytiri (Zoe Saldana), the Pocahontas of the film. Suspicious of Jake, she takes him to her clan (or tribe, right? Hahahaha... ok I'll shut up, you get the point). Neytiri's mother, Mo'at (CCH Pounder), the clan's spiritual leader, orders her daughter to initiate Jake into their society. Colonel Miles Quaritch (Stephen Lang), head of RDA's security force, promises Jake that the company will restore the use of his legs if he provides information about the Na'vi and their gathering place, the giant Hometree, under which is a rich deposit of unobtanium. Learning of this, Grace transfers herself, Jake, and Norm to an outpost. Jake and Neytiri fall in love as Jake is initiated into the tribe. He and Neytiri choose each other as mates. When Jake attempts to disable a bulldozer threatening a sacred Na'vi site, Administrator Parker Selfridge (Giovanni Ribsi, of all guys) orders Hometree destroyed. Despite Grace's argument that destroying Hometree could damage Pandora's biological neural network, Selfridge gives Jake and Grace one hour to convince the Na'vi to evacuate before they do. Now we're dabbling in Ferngully too. Where's TIM CURRY when you need him? Oh wait... he was the bad guy. I guess that means we're relying on Christian Slater, friends.

"Neytiri, what were your dreams as a little girl?"
"To live in a world that could double for a kick-
ass Windows desktop background!"
"Wow. Mission accomplished, I'd say!"

Jake returns to the tribe and confesses that he was a spy. Obviously not liking that news, the Na'vi take him and Grace captive. Quaritch's soldiers destroy Hometree, killing many, including Neytiri's father, the clan chief (Our "Powhattan" of the--ok I get it, I get it). Mo'at frees Jake and Grace, but they are detached from their avatars and imprisoned by Quaritch's forces. Pilot Trudy Chacón (Michelle Rodriguez... fresh from her love affair with Dom Toretto), betrays Quaritch and airlifts Jake, Grace, and Norm to Grace's outpost. Grace is shot during the escape. Jake regains the Na'vi's trust by connecting his mind to that of Toruk, a dragon-like creature feared and revered by the Na'vi. Ah, conquering the unconquerable! A great way to convince people you're absolutely insane, much less an apology for lying to the girl you slept with and her entire family. At the sacred Tree of Souls, Jake pleads with Mo'at to heal Grace. The clan attempts to transfer Grace into her avatar with the aid of the Tree of Souls, but she dies. Supported by new chief Tsu'tey (Laz Alonso)... our Kocoum of the--DAMMIT. Jake unites the clan, telling them to gather all the clans to battle the RDA. Quaritch organizes a strike against the Tree of Souls to demoralize the Na'vi. Jake prays to the Na'vi deity Eywa via a neural connection with the Tree of Souls. Tsu'tey and Trudy are among the battle's heavy casualties as the RDA lays waste to the entire region.

"Careful, Sigourney! Don't wig out on us!"
"No more puns, Corporal. This is my natural 'do!"
"Like it was in Galaxy Quest?!"

The Na'vi are rescued when Pandoran wildlife unexpectedly join the attack and overwhelm the humans, which Neytiri interprets as Eywa answering Jake's prayer. Quaritch, wearing an AMP suit, escapes his crashed aircraft and breaks open the avatar link unit containing Jake's human body, exposing it to Pandora's poisonous atmosphere. As Jake's inner... uh... Jake, I guess... suffocates and as Quaritch prepares to slit Jake's avatar's throat, he is killed by Neytiri, who saves Jake from suffocation, seeing his human form for the first time. With the exceptions of Jake, Norm, and a select few others, all humans are expelled from Pandora. Jake is permanently transferred into his avatar with the aid of the Tree of Souls... to begin his life anew with the tribe he now calls home.

So what did we learn from Avatar today? Well... first off, let's talk about what we've been talking about this entire time. The characters. They seem... stock, but fresh at the same time. I don't know how James Cameron does it, but like Jake Sully is your "Dances with Wolves" guy and while he doesn't just sing and dance like Kevin Costner, he does feel fresh in the sense that he's a handicapped Marine who's looking to prove himself over his deceased twin brother. Quaritch, the Governor Ratcliffe, is the one seeking to gain the natives' trust for ulterior motives. Like I was joking about this whole review, this movie is very Pocahontas, with elements of Dances with Wolves mixed in. It isn't apparent, it's abundantly apparent, especially in the story.

♫Some folks were born! MAAAADE to wave the flag!
OH, that Red, white, and blue!... and when the band played
HAAIL to the Chief...Ooh, they point the cannon at you!♫

Where Avatar shines is it's lore, setting, and worldbuilding. The idea of using what amount to video game skins to communicate and do business with creatures who look just like them, to me, is a very novel and creative concept. Like any good story with great world-building features, it sucks you right into the landscape and leaves you awe-inspired. I remember as December 2009 when the movie was released bled into Jan/Feb 2010, people were like "Yeah we've seen it two or three times already but if you haven't seen it in 3D or in IMAX, you haven't experienced it yet." I think during the whole "3D" phase from the late 2000s-early 2010s, this is one of the few movies that made great use of it. It's a gorgeous piece of visual cinematography, even if ninety-five percent of it was rendered in a computer. It looks magnificent, and it begs for a 4K release. Sidebar: I am noticing how James Cameron doesn't really release a lot of his movies in 4K. I think Terminator 2 is the only one so far, even Titanic hasn't gotten a 4K release yet.

In conclusion, Avatar is a film to be experienced. Visually? It's groundbreaking, it's awesome. The action is just what you'd expect and yet it's still a joy to sit through, in my opinion anyway. Story and characters, wise? It's pretty cliché, hum-drum, repeated, and recycled. Still, that isn't necessarily a bad thing, but real cinephiles may not be as engaged as common moviegoers. Ones that can see storytelling trends a mile away because they've seen them countless other places... again, see above. I don't personally consider it one of James Cameron's best works, but I do enjoy watching it every now and again. Maybe just not as often as his other works we've already covered. I'd say give it a watch if you haven't, keep your expectations for a story that feels mired, but prepare to be visually dazzled!

Stay tuned, only one more post in James Camer-thon to go before we move on!

James Camer-thon: A Review of "Titanic", Part 2

"Jack, it's cold!"
"You know what else is cold? Dumping the diamond in the ocean when it could've paid your granddaughter's
tuition, bought her a house, a car, and sent all her descendants to medical school."

Happy Friday, and welcome to part 2 of my Titanic review as apart of James Camer-thon. Dust off that gold-boxed VHS #2, because we're in the second half of the movie, and have a plethora of behind-the-scenes stuff to talk about. You can re-review part 1 here if you'd like.

Let's crack this iceberg in half!--No... no... that doesn't work. Forgive me, it's early morning writing this and I'm only human.

When we last left... I don't know, "our heroes", so to speak... the ship struck an iceberg and Jack got framed for a crime he did not commit. Unlike Richard Kimble, Jack does not break free from captivity and set about the RMS Titanic looking to find the one-armed man that killed his wife, no no; with the ship sinking, Rose flees Cal and her mother, who has boarded a lifeboat. Rose finds and frees Jack, by haphazardly swinging an axe towards his hand-cuffed hands and, by the grace of James Cameron not wanting to make us ball our eyes out by watching a handless Jack scream while he bleeds out in freezing water, somehow cuts the cuffs and Jack free... and they barely make it back to the boat deck. Cal locates them on the boat deck, and he and Jack urge Rose to board a lifeboat. Having arranged to save himself, Cal falsely claims he can get Jack safely off the ship. As her lifeboat is lowered, Rose, unable to abandon Jack, jumps back on board. Ladies... remember the guy you knew for two days in high school? Would you abandon your get-off-a-sinking-ship free card for that guy? DOUBT IT. After angrily seeing Rose find true happiness in reuniting with Jack... Cal grabs Lovejoy's pistol and chases Rose and Jack into the flooding first-class dining saloon. They get away, and Cal realizes that he gave his coat, and consequently the necklace, to Rose; he later boards a lifeboat posing as a lost child's father. This would be a scumbag thing, but I like to imagine Cal is going to also take care of the child once they make it back to the mainland, but who am I kidding.

"Jack! The dining room is flooded!"
"No amount of freezing ocean water is going to separate
me from my hankering for CHICKEN WINGS!"

Jack and Rose return to the boat deck. The lifeboats have departed and the ship's stern is rising as the flooded bow sinks. As passengers fall to their deaths, Jack and Rose desperately cling to the stern rail. The upended ship breaks in half and the bow section dives downward. The remaining stern slams back onto the ocean... which is a horrendous way to go out if you're one of the little swimmers stranded in the water. Imagine swimming for your life and seeing a stern-half of a mighty cruise ship plummeting back towards you. No amount of repentance with God is going to save you from the death-blow you're about to receive. As the bow sinks, it pulls the stern vertical again before it, too, sinks.

... and now we come to the one of the biggest, most prevailing debates on the internet. In the freezing water, Jack helps Rose onto a wood transom panel among the debris, SUPPOSEDLY buoyant enough for only one person, and makes her promise to survive. Jack dies of hypothermia, and Rose is saved by a returning lifeboat, keeping her promise. This has been argued, and argued, and argued since 1997 and one wonders if the debate will ever day. Mythbusters did an episode on it, one which James Cameron laughably called something along the lines of "a total load of bullshit". It has been debated, and the verdict is out. On the National Geographic's special "Titanic: 25 Years Later With James Cameron" which aired very recently... Cameron used SCIENCE and recreated the door scene, using a team of scientists, as well as two actors with sensors on their bodies who were the same body mass as Leo and Kate to determine hypothermia reaction and effects on the human body in those circumstances. After all this study, Cameron says "Pending a ton of variables, Jack could get into a place where if we projected that out, he just might've made it until a lifeboat got there. Jack might've lived, but there's a lot of variables." Science, bitch.

"Jack, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Actually I'm thinking about why they call her Unsinkable Molly Brown?
I'm sure if she struck an iceberg, she would sink for sure!"

Any who, back to the end of this three-and-a-half hour opus. The RMS Carpathia rescues the survivors; Rose avoids Cal by hiding among the steerage passengers and gives her name as Rose Dawson, ensuring she will remain hidden from him and her mother forever. Still crazy that meeting one boy for two-three days makes Rose change her entire identity and hide from her family forever... but I suppose that boy was 1997 Leonardo DiCaprio, so go figure. I don't know; ladies, again, tell me if that's feasible. On the deck of the Carpathia pulling into New York, Rose is still wearing Cal's overcoat, and she discovers the necklace tucked inside the pocket. Flash forward to 1996, the elderly Rose says she later heard that Cal committed suicide after losing his fortune in the Wall Street Crash of 1929. Lovett abandons his search, feeling like a rotten money-hungry scumbag after hearing Rose's story... HA, I knew it.

Speaking of being selfish with money... alone on the stern of Keldysh, Rose takes out the Heart of the Ocean, which has been in her possession all along, and drops it into the sea over the wreck site. Another classically debated bit in the movie. On the one hand, it's endearing she left the necklace that caused her such a nightmare on the ship in the water with the corpses of those she sailed with all those decades ago. On the other hand, I'm sure Rose's granddaughter, and great-grandchildren and future heirs and heiresses probably would've profited very nicely getting their hands on that jewel. Rose would've really helped her family with that one. Nope, like a selfish beanbag, she just tosses it in the ocean so her granddaughter Lizzy (Suzy Amis) could keep working as an accountant or some shit. Bogus! Finally, while she is seemingly asleep in her bed, her photos on the dresser depict a life of freedom and adventure inspired by her early conversations with Jack. A young Rose reunites with Jack at Titanic's Grand Staircase, applauded by those who died on the ship as we take one last look at the ship's skylight... and we fade to that BLASTED Celine Dion song and the end credits.

Show this picture to your next maritime travel
agent to fill them with existential dread.

So what did we learn today?... and last week? Combined? Well, first off I'll say Titanic is indeed a very powerful film. It is emotionally moving and tells a very sweet, if not a little far-fetched (again... ladies?) love story. Probably aside from Terminator and T2, it'll stand as the one James Cameron is best known for. It's an epic, in every sense of the word, and echoes that "epic" feel most films of the 1950s and 1960s had. See in the 1930s and 1940s, movies weren't very long. By the time the 1950s rolled around, films ended up with more runtime than they knew what to do with; wanting to upstage each other in terms of magnitude and gravitas. I mentioned a few in Part 1's review, so you get where I'm coming from here. As for production, this movie carries a plethora of behind-the-scenes factoids and tidbits that I'd love to share. *checks watch* Yeah, I've got time.

First off... I know with Marvel films, Harry Potter films, Star Wars films and similar franchises nowadays, breaking the $1 billion mark is no-hard task. In fact with inflation running as rampant as a crackhead in a pharmacy, it seems pretty damn easy to break $1 billion at the box office. Back in 1997-98, this movie stayed in theaters for so long and sold so many tickets it was downright astounding, and made headlines. In fact, due to the long theatrical run of the movie, Paramount Pictures had to send out replacement reels to theaters that had literally worn out their copies. The fateful day was March 1st, 1998, news broke that James Cameron's Titanic had become the first movie in cinema history to surpass $1 billion at the box office, in only seventy-four days of release. Cameron's next two films (which we will get to to close out James Camer-thon) saw similar feats in similar, short amounts of time. Truly the G.O.A.T.

"--and it was at this moment Mr. Guggenheim realized
that the jar of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" was, in fact,
butter."

Pertaining to historical accuracy, this movie plays fast-and-loose with characters and dialogue in some parts yet remains historically accurate visually pretty much everywhere else. The elderly couple seen hugging on the bed while water floods their room, in real life, were the owners of Macy's department store in New York, Rosalie Ida Straus and Isidor Straus, both of whom died on the actual Titanic. On the night the ship sank, Ida was offered a seat on a lifeboat but refused so that she could stay with her husband, saying, "As we have lived together, so we shall die together." There was a scene filmed that depicted this moment but was cut from the final version. It was Mrs. Straus who originally said "Where you go, I go" that inspired Rose's same line in the film. Rose also, as I mentioned in Part 1, flips Jack a Roosevelt dime... a questionable bend in the space-time continuum. She also at one point later gives Lovejoy the bird, which I'm not even sure was a gesture yet. I haven't done research on the origins of the middle finger though, so take that with a grain of salt.

As for sets and costume design, holy Moses this movie hit the nail on the head. I really do feel like I'm on the Titanic for the movie. It looks and feels like how I think the real ship would. The Oscar was definitely well deserved here... but boy it must've been stressful when it came to filming the sinking scenes. When the scene where a wall of water bursts through a doorway was first shot, Cameron said that the 40,000 gallons of water dumped into the corridor set were not enough, and asked for triple that amount. The set had to be rebuilt to stand up under the additional weight of water. Luckily, that hallway set was small, and while rebuilding it was tedious I'm sure... the grand staircase shot on the other hand must've been a set-design nightmare. The one near the end where the water comes crashing into the Grand Staircase, the filmmakers had only one shot at it because the entire set and furnishings were going to be destroyed. You think that's nuts? What about the stunt double for Captain Smith's infamous death scene? They straight-up KILLED that guy when they flooded the wheelhouse... just kidding, but you can imagine if that were true, though.

"Splish! Splash! I was taking a bath!"

I also want to very briefly touch upon the score real quick. James Horner's finest work if you ask me. The Titanic score has become so ingrained in pop culture. That woman's voice doing those vocal hooks rings in all of our heads. Probably even your head now as you're reading this. There's also a very tender piano medley that plays when the drawing scene. Rose's theme is also very tender. It all sounds the same, but tonally they all fit their scenes perfectly. Also, yes... that Celine Dion song. Which by this point has become a meme. I love Titanic's score, but that song is something else.

If nothing else, Titanic was a triumph of an underdog of a movie. It was doomed to fail by pretty much everyone and their mothers. Reportedly, Cameron forfeited his $8 million upfront director's salary and his percentage of the initial gross when the studio became outright distraught at how much over budget the movie was running; he would only receive a back-end percentage if the film did exceptionally well. He noted that initial compliments over the raw footage became more sparing over time as the costs spiraled out of control, and the studio heads at 20th Century Fox and Paramount Pictures "acted like they'd been diagnosed with terminal cancer" as the release date drew near. Even Cameron himself was at one point convinced that the film would bomb, and he would never work again; analysts had predicted a total loss of at least $100 million, so he could only hope to at least make a very good film. Imagine a movie you're making losing $100 million. Would you even see $100 million ever again? I don't think I'll ever see $100 million again. At one point, he ran into Fox CEO Rupert Murdoch, my guess as a game of Croquet (or some other rich person's sport... Polo?) and told him "I guess that I'm not your most favorite person in the world, but the movie is going to be good". Murdoch simply replied "It better be a damn sight better than 'good'." The film's initial budget, roughly $135 million, adjusted for inflation in 2017 dollars, is closer to $208 million. The final production budget of $200 million, adjusted for inflation in 2017 dollars, is closer to $309 million... so you can see how people in 1995/96 were a little shall we say "on edge" at the notion of trying to make all that dough back. It was easily the most expensive movie to be filmed in the 20th century. This budget was bigger than the building cost of the actual Titanic, which cost $7.5 million in 1912, which equates to about $150 million 1997 dollars to build. So you can see how execs would've been a little anxious.

"Jim, if you're in the water like that you're going to freeze
to death!"
"What makes you say that, guys?"
"--you freakin' kidding me right now?"

Despite all of that, Titanic, again, surpassed the odds and became not only extremely profitable, but also critically acclaimed. At the 1998 Oscars, it took home eleven... ELEVEN, and I thought it was a big deal when The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King did the same thing a mere six years later. That's huge, and famously as Jack Dawson did in his movie, James Cameron accepted the Best Picture Oscar at the end of the night by screaming "I'm the king of the world!"

Lastly... what do I think of Titanic? I enjoy it quite a bit. I don't mind the runtime, it seems to by very smoothly. I love the sets, the design, the feel of it. It's a very epic feeling-and-looking movie. The love story feels a tad hokey to me, and there's some decisions made by people in love that I question the logic on in the long run, ha, but overall it's a fun movie. As a chick-flick feel good movie, it works. As a disaster movie, it works. As a historical drama, it works. It just works across the board. My recommendation? Set aside a night, get with your significant other, turn the phone on silent, pop some popcorn and give it a go. If you feel, and have feelings... lol... you'll love it. Again, it may feel a tad hokey these many years later being meme'd like it has, but if you can look past that, you can see why it's considered the epic that it is.

James Camer-thon: A Review of "Titanic", Part 1

♫"Just sit right back and you'll see a tale; a tale of a fateful ship! That started from this British port,
built by some Irish men. The lead was a scrappy hunky guy, the lady hot and pure. The passengers
set sail that day for a four-day tour... a foooour day toooour."♫

Happy Friday, and welcome back to another James Camer-thon installment. We're on the back-nine now, so to speak. So far, we've seen nothing but action movies come from the man. The terrific one-two punch of The Terminator and Terminator 2: Judgment Day... the badass sequel Aliens... the adventurous undersea conflict The Abyss, and the comedic action-couple's epic True Lies. James Cameron truly by this point had built himself an incredible, noteworthy filmography. If there were a Pro Football style Hall of Fame for filmmaking... you know that wasn't the "Library of Congress"... James Cameron would for sure have that spot in it. A big brass bust, of him, goatee and all... smirking as he nail-guns your cell phone to the wall for ringing on set. (Something he is very prone to doing).

The World Series of Poker, 1912 edition. Poker brat
Jack Dawson wins two third-class tickets on Titanic.

By 1994, as soon as True Lies finished production, or even during the production, Cameron already began detailing and crafting the story for his next film, described as an epic star-crossed love story aboard a famed steam liner that sunk on its maiden voyage! No... not The Poseidon Adventure! The other steam liner... no, not the Britannic, though that would be an interesting choice to set a love story on. No, not the Olympic either... why would you even--NOTHING EVEN HAPPENED TO THAT ONE! No, we're talking about arguably the most famous shipwreck of them all. The Titanic. Cameron even pitched the film to film execs at both Fox and Paramount, reportedly by holding up a picture of the famed ocean liner and simply stating "Romeo and Juliet... this ship." The film stars then-relatively fresh faces Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet. Leo was looking as young as the girls he dates nowadays, and Kate Winslet was fresh off her dynamite background character performance in A Kid in King Arthur's Court. Yeeeah... 10 points if you can gimme the plot of that movie.

Titanic was and still is a one-of-a-kind movie. Everybody who's anybody knows this movie, or has seen this movie, or has heard about this movie... or at one time laid eyes on that infamous gold dual-VHS boxset of this movie in somebody's cabinet, once. I know I saw that VHS boxset in my dad's collection... but I also for some reason can picture it sitting in an old person's fine-china cabinet somewhere. Yes, James Cameron undertook arguably the biggest film production of any company or director at the time. Titanic has the distinction of, at the time in 1995-97, being the single most expensive film ever produced. So much so that the opening credits reveal two of the industry's heaviest hitters in 20th Century Fox and Paramount Pictures had a hand in developing/distributing the movie. That, as well as its production design, it's set work, it's props and cinematography... all wrapped in a mammoth near-200 minute runtime truly spells an "epic"; a grand scale motion picture that we're dealing with here, and it was gearing up to be James Cameron's magnum opus. His Ben-Hur, his Spartacus, his Cleopatra, his Ten Commandments, his <another bloated religious-historical-mythological movie from the golden age of cinema...> Titanic stands with them as another noteworthy triumph of production.

"Hey Leo, Kate; let me introduce myself. I'm--"
"Holy cow! First Tom Arnold, now Roseanne
Barr! James Cameron is a friend of the little
people of Hollywood!"

... but how is the movie itself? Well... I think it's a pretty solid flick, but I also think it's where Cameron started to (and I hate to say this) become a tad lazy with storytelling. Writing? Not at all, but that's different than storytelling. See, that's the thing. I have met people who despise this movie, calling it "some dumb chick flick", saying it's "too long", that it "drags", that "it's only really good here-and-there". To me it's not quite up there with the caliber of Cameron's work in science-fiction, where he tends to shine. There's a lot of small details and things about life onboard the Titanic in 1912 and how the ship operated and how the historical characters behaved and fraternized which I think Cameron definitely took some liberties on; but I think from start-to-finish, it's quite an emotional journey over the three hours. Let's step through and figure out why. I'll go ahead and knock out where the first tape or VHS ended for now, which is just after the iceberg collision. Yeah sorry the ship hits an iceberg, I hope I didn't spoil anything for anybody.

The film opens in 1996, aboard the research vessel Akademik Mstislav Keldysh, Brock Lovett (Favorite Cameron buddy Bill Paxton) and his team search the wreck of RMS Titanic. They recover a safe from the room of a person named "Hockley", a safe they hope contains a necklace with a large diamond known as the Heart of the Ocean. Worth billions. This is where the first issue with the story comes out. It's cliché... Brock's the archetype treasure-hunting asshat who is only initially in his endeavor for the money, who by the end of the movie learns the error of his way and has a change of heart. It's a popular framing advice, almost as popular as a character in elderly form being a member of the story from the past and re-telling the story through their eyes. Instead of the Heart of the Ocean, they only find a drawing of a young nude woman wearing the necklace. The sketch is dated April 14, 1912, the same day the Titanic struck the iceberg that caused it to sink. 607-year-old... or 100-year-old (if you listen to the movie) Rose Dawson Calvert (Gloria Stuart), the woman in the drawing, is brought aboard Keldysh, as Brock believes even if Rose doesn't have the necklace any longer, she'll at least know where to find it. After Lewis Bodine (Lewis Abernathy) tortures Rose with a weirdly timed digital presentation of how the ship sank... something Rose would definitely have no doubt remembering... Rose breaks down and decides to regale the group with details on where the diamond is, by telling her story of her life aboard the Titanic... meaning she will serve as our character in elderly form who was a member of the story from the past and re-telling the story through her eyes..... D'OH!

"See Kate? This one's Courteney Cox, this one's
Jennifer Aniston... here's Lisa Kudrow!"
"Leo, this is gross. It's just drawings of naked
actresses from F*R*I*E*N*D*S!"
"It's not gross! See? Here's David Schwimmer--"

In 1912 Southampton, 17-year-old Rose DeWitt Bukater (Kate Winslet), her wealthy fiancé Caledon "Cal" Hockley (Billy Zane... who surprisingly, plays a douchebag), and Rose's widowed mother, Ruth (Frances Fisher), board the Titanic. Ruth emphasizes that Rose's marriage to Cal will resolve the family's financial problems and maintain their upper-class status... you know, being the son of a Pittsburgh steel tycoon in 1912 would certainly lock that money down. Meanwhile, Jack Dawson (Leo boy himself), a poor young artist, wins a third-class Titanic ticket in a poker game and, questionably bypassing customs and health inspection checkpoints... boards the ship with his buddy, Fabrizio (Danny Nucci). After setting sail, Rose, distraught over being rich, being pretty, having everything handed to her... remembers she's in a loveless engagement with someone twice her age. She takes it upon herself, runs off into the night, and climbs over the stern railing, intending to jump overboard and bid this cruel world adieu. Jack appears and coaxes her back onto the deck, telling tales of how cold Wisconsin is. That's usually how I try to strike up conversations: "Ya ever been to Wisconsin? They have beer, and cheese curds, and the Green Bay Packers... come back over the railing now, don't kill yourself." His saving her from committing suicide helps the two develop a tentative friendship. When Cal and Ruth strongly object, Rose acquiesces and discourages Jack's attention, but upon realizing she has fallen in love with him, she returns to him and he reciprocates.

Rose brings Jack to her state room and pays him a dime to sketch her nude, wearing only the Heart of the Ocean necklace. Movie goof: The dime Rose hands Jack, is a Roosevelt dime. That's Franklin Roosevelt. So some whacky time travel antics there. I think I'll touch upon the time-traveler theory another time. They later evade Cal's servant, Spicer Lovejoy (David Warner)... who has just a badass character name. After finding themselves in a stranger's Renault Towncar car, they decide to celebrate the occasion and have sex inside of it. Good thing the owner doesn't know about that. What you don't know won't hurt you I guess. After they make their way back to the forward deck, and smooch some more... they witness the Titanic's collision with an iceberg and overhear its officers and builder discussing the serious situation. They realize they need to report back to Cal and Ruth to let them know... for some reason... Meanwhile, Cal discovers Jack's sketch and Rose's insulting note left inside his safe, along with the necklace. When Jack and Rose return to warn the others about the collision, Cal has Lovejoy slip the necklace into Jack's pocket to frame him for theft. Jack is then confined in the master-at-arms' office. Cal then puts the necklace into his own overcoat pocket.

"Leo... I get why you're here, but why did
you invite your dad, your high school chess club
team, your brother, your neighbor, and your
mailman to set today?"

That's where the first tape in the VHS-dual set ends. Even my first DVD set of Titanic ended here. I thought for sure being a DVD they'd be able to fit more of the movie on there than they did. I think, though I can't remember... my Blu-ray set has the entire movie on one disc. At this point, if the movie was designed to be a two-part epic film with an intermission, then so be it. Hell, there's forty-five minutes worth of deleted material that gets included on every set. I say this to James Cameron; go all Peter Jackson and give us the bloated, extended edition of Titanic already!

As for the movie itself so far... right away, you can see so much love, attention to detail went into bringing the life of 1912 to the screen in the most accurate way. The cinematography on this movie is brilliant, and the SETS and COSTUMES... holy moly, no wonder this flick took home eleven Oscars in 1998. The sets on this movie are magnificent recreations of the ship as it appeared in 1912. It probably helps that the team got the blueprints from the original Harland & Wolff shipbuilding company. They reconstructed a solid shell of the original ship for exterior shots, deck-walking shots, and other outside angles of the journey. The entire set was also built on top of hydraulic lifters and shifters so it could be tilted to simulate the Titanic sinking from the bow, but putting the set in a new angle would take hours. To make up for lost time, in some shots the apparent tilt angle was simulated with various tricks, such as tilting the camera and horizon, and having the actors lean forward. Oh James Cameron, you master of filmmaking trickery and deceit, you.

I'll get into the final half of the movie as well as more about the production, the cost, the cast members, and everything else when it comes time to do the sinking. That's right, Titanic ain't over yet! Check in for Part 2 next week... James Camer-thon's going overtime!

James Camer-thon: A Review of "True Lies"

"Hello, my name is Aziz. You're probably wondering how I got here."
*Seinfeld theme song*

Happy Friday once again! Super Bowl LVII has concluded, and now we're onto baseball season as we eek through the month of February. Which begs the question... how on Earth do we even have a chance of topping Terminator 2: Judgment Day? This is probably a question that James Cameron posed to himself afterwards. Maybe he's in fact the type of director that laughs off each picture, no matter how dominant and stellar they are at the box office or at the Academy Awards (Terminator 2 won four, and it should have won Best Picture)... so the prospect of taking up another film afterwards and not even being intimidated by it seems like a behavior James Cameron would exercise himself in.

MENTOS: The Freshmaker
(Proud Sponsor of Sleazebag Simon's Used Car Lot)

What we're about to discuss today on this glorious Friday... or shitty Friday depending on where you are in the world and what your life circumstances give you... leading into this weekend is one of James Cameron's more funnier movies. True Lies is adapted from a 1991 French film La Totale!, and tells the story of a husband who tells his family he's a computer salesman when really he's a secret agent for a special undercover task force. While dealing with the threat of a terrorist organization, the "Crimson Jihad", the husband also learns that his wife is having an affair with a used car salesman. Therein lies the comedy of the situation, and it's some of the most dry-wit, excellently delivered one-liners I've ever heard in an action film. Playing the role of the husband is Arnold Schwarzenegger, his first non-Terminator role in a James Cameron movie. The wife is none other than Jamie Lee Curtis, the queen of scream herself. Let's dig into True Lies, and figure out why it's so humorous while still delivering yet another action-packed, kick-ass experience in cinema. This is True Lies... a movie that teaches us that even if you're some beefy hunk secret agent who has the most badass job on the planet... if you still don't show your wife enough affection, she'll honestly consider dumping you for a wormy, weasily man who's lesser than you... at least for a little excitement, anyway.

"Ope, pardon me. I was looking for the suite
that Donald Trump was staying in."

Harry Tasker (Arnold Schwarzenegger) leads a double life: to his legal secretary wife, Helen (Jamie Lee Curtis), and his rebellious daughter Dana (Eliza Dushku), he is a boring computer salesman often away on business trips, but in actuality, he is a secret agent for Omega Sector, a top-secret U.S. counterterrorism agency. It's even led by Nick Fury... that is, Nick Fury if it was cast in the 1990s... Spencer Trilby, played by Charlton Heston. Harry, along with his teammates Albert "Gib" Gibson (Tom... Arnold, of all people) and Faisil (Grant Heslov), infiltrate a party in Switzerland hosted by billionaire Jamal Khaled (Marshall Manesh), whom everyone may remember as "Ranjit" from How I Met Your Mother, the sitcom with all the build up and none of the payoff. LOL. Anywho, this is where Harry meets drop-dead gorgeous art dealer Juno Skinner (Tia "She Will Be Mine" Carrere). Eventually they learn that Juno is not only Khaled's art dealer, but that she is being paid by an Islamic terrorism group called "Crimson Jihad", led by Salim Abu Aziz (Art Malik). Harry visits her undercover as a potential buyer to learn more, leading Aziz and his men to attempt to kill him. Harry fights them off, but loses Aziz in pursuit. As a result, he misses the birthday party that Helen and Dana had planned for him. It was also the scene with a classic Arnold pun, slamming a dude's head in a urinal and telling him to cool off. It was also also the scene where Arnold tries to jump a horse off a skyscraper. Thankfully, James Cameron wrote the horse to refuse and throw Arnold over the side. We didn't get that crazy.

"I can't see shit without my contact lenses, but
I sure hope I'm not firing at a skyscraper."

Harry goes to Helen's office the next day to smooth matters over and surprise her for lunch, but overhears her making secret arrangements to meet a man named Simon (Bill Paxton, who much like Arnold is in his third James Cameron collaboration). Suspecting Helen is having an affair, he uses Omega Sector resources to learn that Simon is a used car salesman who pretends to be a covert agent to seduce women. In disguise, Harry and other Omega agents kidnap Helen and Simon. After terrifying Simon into keeping away from Helen, Harry and Gib interrogate Helen using a voice masking device and learn that she is desperately seeking adventure because of Harry's constant absences. Harry thus arranges for Helen to participate in a staged spy mission, where she is to seduce a mysterious figure (who is actually Harry himself) and plant a bug in his hotel room. After one of the most energizing and empowering dance sequences... Aziz's men suddenly burst in, kidnap the couple, and take them to an island in the Florida Keys for interrogation.

On the island, Harry's suspicions about Juno are confirmed: Crimson Jihad paid her to help them smuggle four stolen MIRV nuclear warheads into the country by hiding them in priceless antique statues. Aziz demands that the United States remove all U.S. military forces from the Persian Gulf forever or else he will detonate a warhead each week in a major U.S. city. He also says he will detonate one warhead on the uninhabited island to demonstrate that Crimson Jihad is a nuclear power. Before he and Helen are tortured, Harry is administered a truth serum and confesses his double life to Helen, in a rather humorous manner mind you. That's the thing, a lot of parts in this movie would be tense and uncomfortable in any other movie... but in this one they come off quirky, or awkward, or just downright cheesy. You'd think the comedy wouldn't mix well... but it totally does. After a ridiculously cool, yet again, cheesy shoot out, they escape to watch as one warhead is set to explode in ninety minutes and the others are loaded onto vehicles to be taken into the U.S. via the Overseas Highway, thus bypassing U.S. Customs. Harry and Helen get separated in the ensuing melee where Harry kills most of the terrorists, but Aziz gets away with one of the warheads. Helen is caught by Juno and taken in a limousine following the convoy. Gib and other Omega agents pick up Harry and they use two Marine Harrier jump jets to intercept the convoy by destroying part of the Seven Mile Bridge. Harry rescues Helen from Juno's limo before it goes off the Highway and topples into the water. It's a wild chase scene, and again has comedy elements mixed in, such as the pelican landing on the hood of the van that then pulls three Crimson Jihad gunmen into an explosive death in the sea. Plus... the Harrier Jets play a key role in this movie's finale, but also watching them blow up sections of the bridge and watching the limo NARROWLY miss each missile? Awesome, just stunning action work.

"Helen, will you marry me?"
"Harry, that's a grenade, not a ring!"
"It's because you make my heart burst with love."
"Oh gag, Harry."

The warhead left on the island detonates in front of the public without killing anyone. Gib tells Harry that Aziz and his men are holding Dana hostage in a downtown Miami skyscraper and are threatening to detonate their last warhead. Harry commandeers one of the Harriers to rescue his daughter, resulting in a hell of an upcoming action sequence. Faisil gets into the building by posing as part of a news team requested by Aziz. When Faisil guns down several of Aziz's men, (I call it "Faisil getting his groove back") Dana steals the missile control key and flees to the building's roof, eventually climbing a tower crane and threatening to drop the key to the street. Aziz pursues and nearly catches her before Harry arrives. Harry rescues a shocked Dana, after the young lady FALLS on a FLYING HARRIER JET... and after a tense struggle with Aziz, he eventually has him ensnared on the end of one of the plane's missiles. In easily one of the most fun, wild, stand-up-and-cheer celebratory, awesome action movie moments in history... Harry fires the missile carrying the ensnared Aziz at a terrorist helicopter. The missile sails through a whole in a building to the other side into a helicopter carrying remnants of the Crimson Jihad... killing Aziz and the last of the terrorist organization. Harry, Helen, and Dana are then safely reunited by Omega Sector.

One year later, Harry and Helen are working together as Omega agents. While on a mission at a formal party, they encounter Simon, working as a waiter and pretending to be a spy as before. He runs away in fear, peeing his pants, after they reveal themselves and threaten to kill him. They dance a passionate tango while waiting for their contact and with Gib pleading with them to take their work seriously and get back in contact with him as the end credits roll.

"Alright, nobody move. I have Wayne Campbell's
girlfriend here and I will snap her like a Slim Jim
unless someone tells me where the men's room is."

...and that's True Lies. A boat load of fun! A great one-off entry in James Cameron's directorial filmography. It's so light-hearted in its delivery of sore topics like spousal unfaithfulness, terrorism, nuclear destruction, children-in-peril; it's a movie that probably can't be made today. I know that's such a silly, overused phrase on the internet (especially with movies like Blazing Saddles), but I'm not sure given the conflicts we've had overseas with organizations like Al-Qaeda, ISIS, and ISIL given the impact of our country done by 9/11... True Lies also tends to stand as a monolith reminder of a time we once lived in. I think the comedy really helps this movie's presentation to keep it as a easy-going as we can hope for. Keep it so over-the-top comedically blown out of proportion that people who view the film don't walk away from it feeling scared of the real world around them.

Speaking of the comedy, that was another trademark of this film. Some of Cameron's previous films, namely Aliens... had wit in the lines that were delivered, namely from Bill Paxton's Hudson. This movie had more comedy than any other James Cameron film produced by that point. James Cameron originally hired a team of writers to help him come up with the film's jokes and comedy punchlines. However, after being mostly unsatisfied with their work, Cameron let them go and decided to try his own hand at comedy. He rewrote the script from scratch and kept only two jokes from the team of writers (one of which being Arnold Schwarzenegger's famous "You're fired!" line). Cameron's ability to break away from the hardcore action-film presentation and include some levity in the form of jokes, wit, gags, and funny imagery certainly puts True Lies in a league of its own. Another source of comedy came from an unexpected source. The character Gib, played by Tom Arnold.

"Take it from me, man. Women are no good!
If you don't get married, you've won in life!"
"Pretty easy to say when your only source of
comparison is Roseanne Barr."

Tom Arnold didn't expect to get a role in the movie, and went to the audition mostly for the chance to meet director James Cameron and lead actor Arnold Schwarzenegger. He did some scenes with Arnold, and Cameron immediately noticed the chemistry between the two actors. Afterwards, Arnold jokingly said about Schwarzenegger: "He's not that big, I think I can take him", which highly amused Cameron and sealed the deal to make Tom Arnold the other Arnold's buddy. However, 20th Century Fox objected to this casting choice, as Arnold's reputation at the time wasn't positive, mostly due to his public antics with then-wife Roseanne Barr. In a surprising move which Tom never forgot, Cameron threatened to take the movie somewhere else if Arnold couldn't be cast as Gib... telling Fox supposedly "Oh well in that case, I'll drive down the fucking street and make the movie for Paramount instead"... which if you're being told that by the guy who just made Terminator 2... you're going to want to back down and let him have his way, which forced 20th Century Fox to do just that. Tom was grateful to Cameron for taking a chance on him. He became a good friend of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Cameron afterwards.

Another terrific inclusion into the film was Jamie Lee Curtis as Arnold Schwarzenegger's wife, Helen Tasker. She had great chemistry with Schwarzenegger on-screen, and was a fun-loving inclusion to the cast. She gave a dynamite performance of a bored housewife stuck in a rut who wants nothing more than her secret-keeping husband to love her like she loves him, to the point of embarking on an island-hopping, nuke-stopping, limo-jumping, striptease-dancing adventure with him. If you want just a little tidbit as to how cool of guys James Cameron and Arnold Schwarzenegger are, Jamie Lee Curtis said that in his contract, Schwarzenegger gets top billing, then the title, then it would have said starring Jamie Lee Curtis but when James Cameron finished editing the film and he saw that the film was really "a domestic epic, it's a film about a marriage." So James Cameron phoned Arnold Schwarzenegger and asked him if it would be ok to put Jamie Lee Curtis's name before the title, to which Arnold Schwarzenegger immediately agreed. In the world of show business, as Jamie Lee Curtis said, "The credit is such a coveted, negotiable, commodity" that for Arnold Schwarzenegger to give her billing before the title "was a real mensch move on his part."

I know this seems to be the theme of James Camer-thon, but seriously you have to go watch True Lies if you haven't already. It's got action, comedy, romance, one-liners, gunplay, funny stunts, action-stunts, cool hand-to-hand combat scenes, spy-thriller work, buddy cop vibes, domestic-epic vibes, femme-fatales, terrorism, family adventure... it's got literally everything all rolled into a film that's just shy of two and a half hours... and it is just so much fun. It's just so, so much fun. Such a great movie, and yet another solid entry into James Cameron's filmography as a filmmaker. Another five-out-of-five star film.