A Review of "Hulk" (2003)

"There something really bad behind Hulk, isn't there?"
"Yeah Hulk it's the United States arm--"
"It San Francisco! HULK NO LIKE HOMELESS FENTANYL ADDICTS!"

Happy Friday! Well I took a couple of weeks off after Halloween 2K23, and I'm back *dun* *dun* back again! Pretty sure I made that joke already, but never mind that. I repeat an awful lot of jokes on a constant basis. This shall be no different.

Don't ask me why I chose to review today's movie. I re-watched it recently during "brain shut off" time at work where I went on autopilot to perform tasks. I used to have the 2-disc DVD special edition when it first came out all the way in 2003, too. I watched it, well, clips of it, repeatedly. That was back when I owned movies on DVD when DVD was a new concept to me and would just skip around and watch certain scenes over and over again rather than watch the whole movie start to finish, as a normal boy or girl does. We already tackled the Sam Raimi Spider-Man trilogy in September prior to our Halloween 2K23 celebration/marathon session, so why not keep the slew of early 2000s superhero movies going? Like I said, I don't know if I'll take December off so I can fully recharge prior to the new year, but I'll let you all know.

"I see you guys went ahead and ordered lunch for the whole
office and didn't include a Caesar salad for me... how
typical."

For now, let's dive into 2003's adaptation of one of the most popular Marvel Comics superheroes ever, "The Incredible Hulk". Titled simply Hulk, the movie (much like the comics) tells the story of a man blasted in a mysterious science-y wave of particles that, when his body endures stress or anger, forces him to transform into a mindless, mean-green, destruction machine. 2003's Hulk got the basic genus of this storyline correct. The rest it sprinkled in? Ehhhhh... well let's just skippity-dip through the movie and deduce for ourselves, shall we?

The movie starts with trippy comic panel presentations of comic sans font trickled over imagery of microbiology, setting the stage for all the smart this dumb movie tries to convey. David Banner (Paul Kersey) is a genetics researcher for the government trying to improve human DNA. His supervisor, Colonel Thaddeus "Thunderbolt" Ross (Sam Elliot), forbids human experimentation, so David experiments on himself. His wife, Edith (Cara Buono), soon gives birth to their son, Bruce Banner (Michael and David Kronenberg). David realizes Bruce inherited his mutant DNA and attempts to find a cure. After discovering his experiments, Ross shuts down David's research; David rigs Desert Base's gamma reactor to explode as revenge.... which seems like a rather large overreaction. Believing he is dangerous... quite frankly all of a sudden without warning..., David tries to kill Bruce but accidentally murders Edith when she gets between them; the trauma makes Bruce suppress his early childhood memories. Ross arrests and sends David to a mental hospital, putting the 4-year-old Bruce into foster care. Mrs. Krenzler (Celia Weston) adopts him, and Bruce assumes the surname, growing up believing his birth parents are dead.

"...as God as my witness, where is the
REMOTE CONTROL?!"

Thirty years later, Bruce (Eric Bana) is a brilliant scientist working at the Berkeley Lab with his girlfriend and Ross's estranged daughter, Betty Ross (Jennifer "hubba hubba" Connelly). Representing the private research company Atheon, the shady Glenn Talbot (Josh Lucas) becomes interested in the scientists' nanomeds research to create regenerating soldiers for the military-industrial complex. David (Nick Nolte) reappears as a janitor in the lab building to infiltrate Bruce's life. The now-general Ross investigates, becoming concerned for Betty's safety around Bruce. Bruce saves a colleague named Harper (Kevin Rankin) from an accident with a malfunctioning gammasphere. Bruce wakes in a hospital bed and tells Betty he feels better than ever, but Betty cannot fathom his survival since the nano-meds killed everything else; unknown to them, the radiation merged with Bruce's altered DNA. Later, David meets Bruce, revealing their relationship and hinting at Bruce's mutation. He later uses samples of Bruce's DNA for animal experimentation. Bruce's increasing rage from the tensions around him activates his gamma-radiated DNA; he becomes the Hulk (performed via motion capture by director Ang Lee) and destroys the lab. Betty finds Bruce unconscious in his home the next morning, barely remembering the previous night. Ross arrives later to question Bruce before Betty locates David to investigate him. After hours of interrogation, Ross seizes the lab and places Bruce under house arrest. David calls Bruce that night, revealing he mutated his three dogs and sicked them on Betty, enraging him. Bemoaning the lab's destruction, Talbot attacks Bruce, who transforms, injuring Talbot and Ross's MPs. The Hulk finds Betty at her forest cabin, and in a rather badass fight scene that goes on for just the right amount of time (not sarcasm)... saves her from the dogs, and changes back into Bruce.

"I swear on high-Heaven I will never do another Marvel
movie. Marvel is shit!"
"Hey Sam, they want you for an old caretaker dude opposite
Nicholas Cage as a fiery demon biker."
"You son of a bitch, I'm in!"

Disregarding their daddy-daughter drama, Betty calls Ross the following day; the army tranquilizes and takes Bruce to Desert Base. Deeming him doomed to follow in David's footsteps, Ross doubts helping Bruce, but Betty persuades Ross to let her try. David subjects himself to the nano-meds (having stolen the research from Bruce and Betty) and gammasphere, becoming able to meld with and absorb the properties of anything he touches. He actually masters the ability rather quickly! Talbot wrestles control from Ross, forcing Betty to return home. Seeking to profit from the Hulk's power, Talbot fails to provoke Bruce and puts him in an isolation tank. David confronts Betty at her house, offering to surrender himself yet asking to speak to Bruce "one last time". Talbot induces a nightmare from Bruce's repressed memories and triggers a transformation. Time for some chaos as, in another epic scene in my opinion, the Hulk rips free from the containment tank and escapes. Trapping the Hulk in sticky foam, Talbot tries taking a sample of him, but the Hulk breaks free. Talbot is killed when he fires an explosive round that ricochets, and Ross resumes command. The Hulk escapes the base, battles the army in the desert, and leaps to San Francisco to find Betty. She convinces Ross to take her to the Hulk, returning Bruce to normal.

By now, I am heckin' exhausted, but this movie's still going! In the climax of the movie, Bruce and David talk at a base in the city while Ross watches, threatening to incinerate them both. David has descended into megalomania, wanting Bruce's power to destroy his enemies. After Bruce refuses, David bites into a high-voltage cable when Ross powers it and absorbs the energy, mutating into a powerful electrical entity. Bruce becomes the Hulk and fights and overpowers him; they are presumed dead after Ross orders a Gamma Charge Bomb to end the battle. A year later, Ross has Betty under constant surveillance, as many Hulk sightings get reported. In exile in the Amazon Rainforest, Bruce is alive as a medical camp doctor. His camp gets overrun by soldiers who try to steal their supplies. After Bruce unsuccessfully warns their commander not to make him angry, the Hulk bellows in rage... screen cuts to "green". End credits roll.

No caption. I just wanted to include a pic of
Jennifer Connelly. 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

That is 2003's Hulk. Look, I'm a big fan of "The Incredible Hulk" comic book and story. Hulk is one of my favorites. At the time of writing this, I'm reading the 2023 series of Incredible Hulk comic books about the age of monsters, and Hulk is fighting ancient demons summoned by a resurrected which mother! It's pretty neat. Mostly I love the story of a man battling his own inner demons, inner demons stemming from overemotional responses to abuse and trauma from his childhood... that coupled with a science experiment that backfired not in his favor leading him to transform into a horrible creature. Hunted by the military for the secrets of his powers, Bruce Banner remains in hiding, and on the run. That is the essence of the Incredible Hulk story. This movie captures... some of that.

I think it goes without saying the best adaptation of the Incredible Hulk comic book there is is the old TV show from 1978 to 1982 starring Bill Bixby as "Dr. David Banner" and bodybuilding icon Lou Ferrigno as the Incredible Hulk. While this movie tried to be that, it tries to be other things too. Number one is it tries to be a living, breathing comic book. Which can be disorienting. It incorporates different angles that cross-fade, curtain-wipe, and blend-in with the existing shots... as well as literal editing showing frames that showcase different scenes, trying to create the illusion of a comic book. While I find the tribute to the medium the source material originated from fascinating and touching, it doesn't really work well for a movie like this. Spider-Man didn't do it, X-Men didn't do it, Blade didn't do it; it is unnecessary, and if anything, a little pretentious to me.

As for the characters and actors playing them? Eric Bana really does play a great Bruce Banner, though I'd be lying if I said his "rage" moments didn't seem to stem from nothing and came across as hissy fits more than actual trauma-based rage moments. On top of that, his Hulk appears very... babyfaced. His skin tone is saturated and, I don't know, I just prefer the MCU Hulk we'd get later that looked and acted more menacing like an actual "monster". While this one destroys stuff, he looks like an eight-year-old boy. His rage sells me, and his anger is well-presented, but on top of that, he just seems like a rather silly interpretation of the Hulk character.

"Eric, come on, before action... just one cup of urine...
that'll get me off the hook!"
"Nick, the studio security is here."
"FUCK, SCATTER!"

That's the best way I can sum up the movie. It seems like just a very silly interpretation of a story that can either be silly or very serious in tone. Some shows in the 60s tried to present the Hulk as a comedic oaf character and I just don't see it. I prefer the Hulk that's a monster; something that has to be contained. That's the whole point of the story. 2008's The Incredible Hulk did it perfectly, as the '78 TV show did. This one sort of does it, and that's it. It's just very meh. Like it tries, but doesn't quite capture what we were going or hoping for.

To sum it all up, Hulk is a mixed bag. One of the biggest cornerstone examples I can use as an example of such a movie. While it's characters and their portrayals are boring, its dialogue is at least somewhat gripping. While the pacing is horrifically imbalanced, the cinematography is nothing if not at least an attempt in innovation! Some people might like it, who knows; I'm only one guy!... and while the Hulk is very derpy and dopey looking, his action sequences are gripping, entertaining, and thrilling all at once. It's source material is ground-breaking in comics, yet its runtime feels bloated and long-winded. It's a very "give and take" movie. I call it very "meh", myself. I still get some entertainment out of it, but I can't say the same for the casual viewer. I recommend it if you like the Hulk character, but otherwise you don't need to watch it.

I will say this though, it had one kick-ass video game tie-in!