Monday, December 30, 2019

Coming Soon: Ranking the "Star Wars" Movies


It's finally happening, isn't it? Oh boy, I knew I can smell disappointment in the air. Well, another Star Wars release has come and gone, and quite frankly, I can't believe something so-hyped that became so loathed like the Star Wars sequel trilogy produced by Disney is actually all said and done with. It seems like such a short while ago that I was anticipating the long-awaited follow-up to Return of the Jedi no more than two weeks before it's release.

If you've been following me for this long, and Lord knows if you're reading this far, you probably have, you know this blog built its backbone on the discussion of Star Wars filmmaking. The first Star Wars film, appropriately called Star Wars but also referred to as "Episode IV" or "A New Hope" just so nobody looks at you cock-eyed when you say it, was released in 1977. Created, written and directed by George Lucas, It redefined how summer blockbusters are made. The score, the special effects, the editing? All masterfully done. The acting and story-telling? Ehhhhh… wishy washy, but with just the first film? It introduced such a rich and expansive universe and paved the way for a franchise that would awe and inspire for years to come. 1980 brought us the first sequel, The Empire Strikes Back. Also called "Episode V", The Empire Strikes Back surpassed the original and raised the bar even higher; keeping the awe at the height of the success but raising the story-telling and believe it or not, even the acting was improved upon. Everybody brought their A-game and we were given what I consider (as a lowly '93 birth) to be one of the kick-off points of 1980s pop culture. The original trilogy concluded in 1983 with the follow-up, Return of the Jedi... Episode VI in the saga and number three in this trilogy. It continued to showcase Star Wars-style entertainment, but lacked the foreboding and emotional backbone of Empire. Still, it capped off the story of Luke Skywalker with the Rebel Alliance triumphing over the Galactic Empire and Luke's father, Anakin, redeeming himself in the Force... Believe it or not, people actually that this trilogy was it. Even though throughout the rest of the 80s and the end of the Indiana Jones trilogy in 1989, George kept proclaiming he had two more trilogies planned and that Star Wars was not done.

...then the mid-90s came, and George began planning the releases of his next Star Wars trilogy. The summers of '97 and '98 became the summers of immense hype as the public eagerly anticipated the release of the first new Star Wars movie in sixteen years, and the first chapter not only in the next trilogy, but of the entire saga itself. That's right; this movie was going to be a prequel, as would the two movies that followed it. Star Wars - Episode I: The Phantom Menace was released in 1999 and it was... something. It still carried much of the awe and feeling of Star Wars and was hyped by one hell of a teaser trailer, but the film divided moviegoers with its boring narrative, its awkward and clunky dialogue, and it's ham-handed acting... and its lore and storytelling choices. 2002's followed up Star Wars - Episode II: Attack of the Clones, while getting closer to the original trilogy's look by showing what looked like Stormtroopers, what looked like Boba Fett, and a teenage Anakin Skywalker with the teaser giving the sounds of Darth Vader breathing, it divided fans even further. Some praised its "bounce back" narrative following Episode I while others were distracted by rape-face Skywalker and George practically playing grabass with the CGI. Star Wars - Episode III: Revenge of the Sith wrapped the prequels in a big way in 2005. It carried much of the bad acting and cartoonish effects found in the prequels thus far, but also managed to have dramatic themes and one of the finest performances by Ewan McGregor as Obi-Wan Kenobi, ultimately sticking the landing for the entire trilogy.

After Episode III, George claimed the saga was done and that Return of the Jedi would remain the definitive ending of the story of Anakin Skywalker and his redemption. However, rumors began brewing in 2011 that George may be yet working on his final trilogy, his "sequel" trilogy, and that all members of the original trilogy's cast would be involved to some extent. In the Fall of 2012, Lucasfilm Ltd. was sold to the Walt Disney Company for $4 billion US, and Bob Iger immediately (and I do mean immediately) announced "Star Wars Episode 7", promising it will be in theaters in 2015. News which shook the internet. With J.J. at the helm, Star Wars (Episode VII) The Force Awakens came out during the holiday season of 2015, and it too shook and divided fans. Some called it a miraculous return to form, while others called it derivative and a shameless safe-bet cash-in. No-name director Rian Johnson had the next chapter in his hands. Star Wars (Episode VIII): The Last Jedi was released two years later in 2017, and it was a pile of ass, both narratively and with the decisions made with key characters, namely Luke Skywalker. The sequel trilogy started out promising with VII but then when all kinds of wrong directions with VIII. With poor storytelling decisions derailing the story of the trilogy and no way to wrap it all up in one movie, Star Wars (Episode IX): The Rise of Skywalker was released literally a week ago writing this, and it... was something. A rushed conclusion? Yes. A good movie? Arguably, yes. It was a mixed bag for sure, and it left me with a funny feeling in the theater.

So now that the final chapter of the Skywalker Saga has been released, Star Wars can officially be ranked by me. That's right... another Top Ten from yours truly. You probably already know my ranking, as I've told many people, and that's alright. Still, I feel like this will perfect fit into my style of blogging and return "Spoiler Alert!" back to form. A sort of 'walk down memory lane', so to speak. Talking Star Wars, ripping on Star Wars, saluting Star Wars, trashing Star Wars, praising Star Wars; it's all coming up. I'll rank the nine Skywalker movies... and the spin-off film Rogue One, just to make it an even ten. I plan on kicking of 2020 with a bang! Let's do this!


Fuck Solo though. Didn't see it. Wasn't interested. Not even worth mentioning....

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