The Nitpick Express - Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

Good evening.

They say that the end of a trilogy is usually the weakest point. While Revenge of the Sith certainly dismantled that notion, it still does have several noticeably weak points or silly points. The movie that is often seen as the Godsend of the prequels, the one that made up for the other two, couldn't be complete without several prevalent Lucasisms that are running rampant. I'm here to give you a taste of these Lucasisms. An emotionally broken man who endured not only one, but two fierce fan backlashes up to this point, and was willing to come back and make the final entry himself, is a man not to be trifled with.

Maybe throughout all of this, we find that Lucas is some kind of arthouse genius. Maybe Lucas does make works of art that are simply misunderstood by the common man. Maybe Lucas has the talent and the know-how to go the distance and bring home the Oscar gold. Hell, the original cut of Star Wars won seven Oscars. Lucas could've been the next Hitchcock.

Or maybe his career that started off strong and promising went full merchandise-mode and and died off like a dud of a 4th of a July popcorn fart. I'll let you be the judge.

DISCLAIMER: Most of these nitpicks will be done for fun. Some of them are genuine complaints about the movie, but most of them will be just me being a dork. You'll be able to tell which ones.

THE NITPICK EXPRESS
presents
STAR WARS Episode III - Revenge of the Sith

1. Title: George finishes his epic trilogy of feature-length toy commercials by borrowing from his first title for Return of the Jedi, and just swapping faction names.
2. War!: I don't care who you are, you cannot read the first word of the opening crawl and not follow it up with "What is it good for? Absolutely nothing! Sing it again, yo!"
3. Opening Shot: The opening shot of Revenge of the Sith is nothing short of great. The two Jedi starfighters piloted by Anakin and Obi-Wan flying towards a common goal coupled with John Williams's epic score. The imagery was staggering to the point that you genuinely wondered what the fuck George was doing in the other two movies.
4. A thousand starships: Oh nevermind, there's literally a thousand space ships in this space-battle. Just when you thought it wasn't going to be over-the-top.
5. Anakin's update: Anakin went from a pimple-faced, socially-inept dillweed, to a mildly-buff, somewhat Cali beach bod in the span of three years. He even has an indiscriminate scar. 
6. Obi-Wan's update: ...and all Obi-Wan did was shave his mullet into an Alec Guinness 'do. 
7. The clones: Have I mentioned yet that I don't care for the Clones? There's so many Temeura Morrison's in the space battle, I don't see how I could get emotionally attached.
8. *Name* Droids: This movie was notorious for naming each new droid that we hadn't seen before, just like literally every toy commercial. The only thing missing is two little kids holding each ship and saying 'wow!' every time one blows the other up.
9. Obi-Wan's piloting: Obi-Wan...just sucks at piloting. He flies like a one hundred-year-old blindfolded chimp with Parkinson's disease.
10. Hit the buzz droid's center eye: When Obi-Wan tells R2 how to kill the buzz droid, I just feel like it hearkens back to Peppy Hare telling the player how to kill a boss in Star Fox 64. If they ever do a Star Fox movie, Peppy needs Ewan McGregor to voice him.
11. I have a bad feeling about this: In the original trilogy and Phantom Menace, this line is inserted whenever a character anticipates something bad is going to happen. In Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith, it is inserted as the characters stare death right in the face. Of course you have a bad feeling when you're about to die.
12. The Droid's Voices: You get the feeling that being trashed by nerds since '99 just inhibited George's will to give a shit. You get the feeling even more when you hear what type of voice George settled on for the battle droids in Revenge of the Sith.
13. R2's Cell Phone: What is the point of giving R2 a cell phone to talk to them with? He's a droid. He can just communicate through an internal radio, can't he?
14. Archie Kenobi and Edith Skywalker: These two fight like an old married couple. I get that now the story wants to delve into Obi-Wan and Anakin's friendship, but the way they do it alternates between two frat boys joking about a mutual friend (R2) or an old crotchety married couple who can't agree on what to eat for supper.
15. Droid Grammar: Between The Phantom Menace and Revenge of the Sith, the droids' grammar has tanked. Two super battle droids are tampering with Obi-Wan's crashed starfighter when one hears R2's cell phone going off (great plan, Obi-Wan). "What that?" one asks, and "Get back to work. That nothin'" the other replies.
16. Christopher Lee: The fact that Christopher Lee came back for another round as Dooku is great. The fact that he dies like a punk bitch is not so great. Dooku couldn't have been one of those characters to escape and live in the realms of the Expanded Universe?
17. Palpatine Fools Everybody: How in the name of fuck can Palpatine still manage to fool everyone? He's not even pretending to panic being the captor of General Grievous and Count Dooku. Nobody even catches a whiff that he's a sneaky bastard when he demonically tells Anakin to kill Dooku. I guess nobody decided that an old man persuading a young Jedi to kill people in cold blood would throw up a red flag in any way.
18. "My Powers Have Doubled": I guess Jedi are now Saiyans out of Dragon Ball Z, with 'power levels' that can be calculated numerically and 'double' or 'triple' in size.
19. Open for Attack: During the duel, it's 2-on-1 Obi-Wan/Anakin vs. Dooku, and yet there are points during the lightsaber fight where, while one is dueling Dooku, another one can strike or maim Dooku and easily end the duel. Instead they stand there like bad guys shooting at Arnold Schwarzenegger in Commando...totally inept on how to use their weapons.
20. Obi-Wan's titanium spine: Unbreakable spines must be a trait for everybody in Star Wars. Dooku uses the Force to drop a balcony on top of an unconscious Obi-Wan's back. A while later, Obi-Wan wakes up and walks around just fine, narrowly avoiding life in a wheelchair...or I guess hoverchair since this is Star Wars.
21. Leave Him Behind: Another instance where an obviously-evil Palpatine makes plenty of hints at the fact by suggesting Anakin and he leave Obi-Wan behind, and of course, an entirely oblivious Anakin blows him off and carries Obi-Wan with him.
22. Artificial Gravity: During the space battle, the droid's ship was struck by a turret and begins nose-diving toward the planet below. Inside, people begin fighting to stay upright at an increasingly slanted angle. Wouldn't they float? I'm no scientist, but I'm 99.99% sure you'd float off the floor in space if the ship began falling toward a planet below.
23. Slippery Jedi: When Obi-Wan and Anakin are captured by Grievous and brought before him, they are in his captivity for approximately forty-five-ish seconds, before Force-pulling lightsabers and breaking free again.
24. Mr. Escape: In the theme of everyone avoiding capture, Anakin and Obi-Wan corner Grievous, who decides to smash the window to the bridge and flee into the vacuum of space so he can escape again. If you follow the backstory of Grievous, this is only like the seven-hundredth time he's avoided capture. Tommy Lee hung onto his virginity better than the Jedi hung onto Grievous.
25. Grievous!: After Grievous escapes, he finagles his way into an escape pod and launches all the other escape pods, leaving the Jedi stranded. Anakin informs Obi-Wan of this, who just retorts "Grievous!" You know...as if someone else jettisoned the pods.
26. Splitting Hairs: When Obi-Wan asks Anakin if he can pilot a cruiser like this, Anakin tries to reply with a joke, saying "Do you mean 'do I know how to land what's left of this thing'?" Just shut up and answer the goddamn question.
27. Sarcasm, Ho!: When the back half of the cruiser breaks off during the descent, Anakin turns to Obi-Wan and just dryly says "We lost something", to which Obi-Wan replies "Don't worry. We're still flying half a ship". Is this Star Wars or an Abbott and Costello comedy routine?
28. Columbia disaster: Every time I watch the droid ship hurtling into the atmosphere of Coruscant, I can't help but be reminded of the footage of the Columbia burning up in the atmosphere of Earth. That only happened less than two years before this movie came out. Too soon, George.
29. Aerial firefighters: The Republic decides to waste precious manpower and resources using aerial firefighting cruisers to put out the fire of the incoming cruiser, even though it's going to soon end up in a fiery crash anyway.
30. Another Happy Landing: Once the cruiser comes to a complete stop and rests, Obi-Wan turns to Anakin and sarcastically says "...another happy landing" and smirks. Funny, but ten seconds prior you hit a control tower and no doubt killed a few dozen people in your crash. 'Happy' isn't the word I'd choose. 'Tragic', 'deadly', 'destructive' or 'reckless' are some that come to mind.
31. Millennium Falcon: Way off in the distance as they approach the capital, you can see a ship eerily similar to the Millennium Falcon. This one you can decide on your own, except when you hear that a ten-year-old Han Solo was supposed to cameo on Kashyyyk later in the movie, i therefore becomes reasonable to assume that, yeah, that's the Millennium Falcon.
32. Compliment Contest: After dropping Palpatine off at the capital, Obi-Wan and Anakin spend ninety-seconds verbally jerking each other off about how great they are.
33. Lucas Cameo: George Lucas "cameos" as an ugly, blue pile of vomit that stands behind Palpatine as he talks to Samuel L. Jackson. I use "cameo" lightly, as Lucas obviously just digitally slapped his facial features onto a CG model.
34. Highest Priority: When Palpatine says that Dooku dying made Grievous the leader of the droid army, Mace Windu says "we will make finding Grievous our highest priority". Okay? It wasn't your highest priority already?
35. 'scuse Me': Doth my ears deceive me, or do I hear one faint line from Jar Jar Binks here? You certainly see Jar Jar in the background here, but he says 'scuse me' faintly as everyone walks past Windu. Just one line reminds you that yes, he does exist, and no, he's not dead yet.
36. Jimmy Smits: This movie had a severe lack of Jimmy Smits, despite the fact he is an integral part of the climax. Smits should've just been the star of the movie.
37. Padme in the Shadows: The first we see of Padme, she lurks Anakin in the shadows as he talks to Senator Organa. An interesting choice of introduction for her character.
38. Preggo her Eggo: During the hug, Padme tells Anakin that she's pregnant. Something he, for some reason, couldn't feel when he picked her up because in the next scene, she's already pretty-well into pregnancy.
39. CGI Screensaver: The establishing shot for Anakin and Padme's penthouse would make a kick-ass screensaver.
40. I Wanna Know What Love Is: During this discussion on the balcony, Anakin and Padme discuss about how they'll fix up the baby's room on Naboo. Anakin immediately derails the conversation by telling Padme that "she's so beautiful", and what follows is more verbal diarrhea leftovers from Attack of the Clones that only head-honcho Lucas could conjure:
    
    PADME: It's only because I'm so in love. (Your beauty is predicated on your love for someone else?)
    ANAKIN: No *chuckles* No, it's because I'm so in love with you! (A clumsy, yet effective comeback)
    PADME: So love has blinded you? (Are you seriously calling the guy who just called you beautiful "blind"?)
    ANAKIN: ...well that's not exactly what I meant. (You didn't say anything that couldn't have meant anything else).
    PADME: It's probably true. (Seriously. What the fuck is being discussed here? I wanna tear my goddamn hair out!)
    
    Yeah. Pretty bad.
41. More Nightmare Shit: After that "touching" display, Anakin has a nightmare of Padme dying in childbirth. Rapidly switching emotional tones is something these movies are good at.
42. Scaring the Hell out of Padme: Anakin describes the nightmares to his pregnant wife as "the ones I had before my mother died, and these were about you". You're supposed to comfort your wife, you dumb fuck, not scare the bejesus out of her!
43. Yoda's Cold Logic: Anakin has a secret conference with Yoda, describing his dreams to him. Yoda just tells him to "forget about those you love so that you don't have to mourn them when they die", to simply "rejoice when they become one with the Force". Yoda has the vibe of someone who got exiled by his entire family for being an arrogant, cold-hearted prick.
44. Anakin the Oversleeper: Anakin stumbles into a lecture too late and says that he was "delayed". Any college kid can relate to this, except Anakin's still wearing matching shoes and doesn't smell like complete ass.
45. Instant Lack of Trust: No more then twenty minutes after he stuck his neck out for the Chancellor, Obi-Wan demonstrates a distrust of Palpatine. Only now.
46. Personal Jedi Representative: Palpatine, further obviously lamenting he's got a hidden, evil agenda to everyone but a dimwitted Anakin, appoints him to be his personal representative on the Jedi Council. What would learning about Jedi affairs possibly add to his scheme to kill all the Jedi?
47. "I'm Overwhelmed": Anakin uses that traditional Hayden Christensen tone-of-voice to deliver this line, not sounding very overwhelmed at all.
48. Belligerent Jedi: As expected, Anakin's appointment to the Council is met with overwhelmingly negative responses. All they had to do was say no to avoid a catastrophe but hey, the we wouldn't have the Original Trilogy, so who am I to talk?
49. Good Relations with Wookies: I can't even begin to guess how Yoda and the Wookies have 'good relations'. I'm sure the EU can tell me, but it's also the EU and I don't have time or the patience to dig through that library-sized encyclopedia to find out the answer to a not-so-important question.
50. The Jedi Fuck Themselves: Now, this one's going to be long. I believe the Jedi have given up on being smart, informed and overall-perceptive as a whole. These are people who can be viewed as being at their wits end over who's trying to kill them. They've killed two Sith Lords and the dark side of the Force continues to shroud everything. They begin to suspect Palpatine, but they need someone to spy on him and report back as to what he's planning.
    
    They look to Anakin, who has frequently displayed bouts of rage, impatience, desires for more power, hissy-fits, ranting outbursts temper-tantrums and everything in-between. He's clearly been shown to be a most volatile, unstable Jedi with a bad attitude hidden by a good nature. The Jedi select this guy to monitor Palpatine's doings to learn what he's up to. Why? Based on a foundation of pre-existing  friendship and trust. If you suspect a guy of being evil and trying to kill you and your whole clan, would you seriously recruit your most ill-equipped, arrogant, pissed-off individual who just so happens to cherish his friendship with the evil guy to do so? Fuck no you wouldn't. Not unless Lucas was trying to find a way to kill you off before the original trilogy starts.
51. My Point: Sure enough, once Obi-Wan informs Anakin of the Jedi wanting him to spy on his friend, Anakin becomes a grumpy jerk about it. This plan has absolutely no holes in it, whatsoever.
52. Mace Windu Gets It: During a gunship ride, Obi-Wan tells Mace Windu and Yoda that Anakin "didn't take to his new assignment with much enthusiasm". Mace Windu then blatantly says what we're all thinking: "It's very dangerous putting the two of them together. I don't think the boy can handle it, and I don't trust him." Well then, why in Abraham Lincoln's rustic asshole did you greenlight the plan to-- oh nevermind.
53. Misread Prophecy: When Obi-Wan suggests that Anakin isn't the one to bring balance to the Force, Yoda suggests the "prophecy could've been misread". Yoda further hints at the Jedi being royally butt-ass-awful at their jobs.
54. Accusations, Ho!: After getting underminded by the Jedi, Anakin goes home to his comforting wife, who then asks him to also interfere with the Chancellors affairs, but for her benefit. Anakin can't catch a break. The icing on the cake? He accuses the woman he loves of "sounding like a separatist". 
55. Let's Go to the Opera: There's a scene where Anakin invades Palpatine's night out at the opera. Of course I use the term "opera" oddly because it's actually something that looks like a live representation of semen penetrating the outer layer of the ovary embryo.
56. "Leave Us": Palpatine has to discuss something with Anakin, and sends his cohorts away, regardless of whether or not they wanted to finish watching the show or not. It'd be even worse if they're the ones who got Palpatine the tickets to it.
57. Weirdly-Timed News: Anakin doesn't question the fact that nobody knows where General Grievous is hiding, but then Palpatine just so happens to tell him that the "clone recon" people have located him in the Utapau system. Anakin just blindly believes him. Can the Jedi detect lies, or just fucking influence microscopic organisms to create life itself? I'm having trouble gauging the strength and usefulness of their powers.
58. "Unnatural Powers": When Anakin asks if the Chancellor's story is true, Palpatine utters that "the dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural". Aside from being another red flag, this line is stupid. I guess moving stuff with your mind, leaping out of speeders and landing on other speeders miles down, and deflecting blaster bolts with a laser sword in the blink of an eye are 'very natural' compared to 'shooting lightning bolts from your fingertips'.
59. The Tragedy of Darth Plagueis: So, you've probably noticed that a number of red flags with Palpatine are raised throughout the movie, and this is a majority of them. Anakin, in his infinite obliviousness, chooses to ignore them all. Palpatine, randomly I might add, breaks into a story about how there was once a Sith Lord named Darth Plagueis who could influence the biological organisms known as Midichlorians (sigh) to create life, just as Anakin is having a crisis about whether or not his wife will survive childbirth. How does Palpatine know such a Sith legend? Isn't it obvious he's playing this Plagueis guy's powers up to tempt you in some way? He even blatantly tells you after he tempts you that you can't learn that power from a Jedi. Whether it's a lie used to tempt him, or Palpatine actually telling Anakin of story of something that actually happened, Anakin's still too much of a moron to sense any of the "bad mojo" that practically radiates off of the Chancellor.
60. The Chancellor suggests: Anakin tells the Jedi Council that the Chancellor has requested that he leads the campaign to Utapau to capture Grievous. In perhaps the smartest thing they've done this entire trilogy, the Jedi say 'no' and send Obi-Wan instead.
61. Wookies!: This movie features many wookies in a climactic battle with droids on the planet of Kashyyyk. Of course, knowing Lucas, he probably filmed about three wookies and then endlessly digitally duplicated them endlessly to create an 'army'.
62. Chewbacca: Chewbacca is shoe-horned into this movie most likely because Lucasfilm was short one character on its "required action figures" quota. 
63. "Wild Bantha Chase": When Anakin tells Obi-Wan that he wishes he was going with him, Obi-Wan says not to worry as it 'may just be a wild bantha chase'. So, in Star Wars, Bantha = goose.
64. Obi-Wan compliments: As they part, Obi-Wan tells Anakin that he's "become an even greater Jedi than he (Obi) could ever hope to be". Then Anakin turns to the dark side. Obi-Wan probably felt pretty good at that point.
65. Temuera Morrison: Speaking of "endlessly duplicated", we have a shot where Obi-Wan is discussing his plan to capture Grievous with Commander Cody, one of the clones played by Temuera Morrison. Behind Cody are four or more clones, all also played by Morrison. If he wanted to make blank and financially take Lucas to the cleaners, he should've charged per digital recreation.
66. Lust for Power: Once again, following another premonition of Padme's death, Anakin breaks into another whining frenzy of "I'm not powerful enough" and "I want more", and again, it's poor Padme that is stuck having to listen to him.
67. Padme's Calm Attitude: Even after having two Jedi premonitions of her dying, Padme doesn't seem affected by this at all, even though it could very well mean certain death. Either she doesn't believe it'll happen or she's welcoming it because it'll mean she doesn't have to live with Anakin anymore.
68. Wookies & Chewbacca: Yoda, meanwhile, decides to go visit Kashyyyk and fight alongside the Wookies. He even meets Chewbacca! Which... doesn't make a whole lot of sense, because Han Solo, Chewie's future companion, didn't believe in the Force when we first met him. Surely on long space trips Chewie would have mentioned... something about fighting with the Jedi during the Clone Wars, but on the other hand, if we didn't include this Chewbacca scene, then George wouldn't have been able to sell Chewbacca figures when the movie came out.
69. Holes: Ever see the movie Holes? That's Utapau. Literally a planet full of holes.
70. Carseat face: Obi-Wan lands on the planet and the first person to greet him would scare the shit out of the Grim Reaper. He's got crooked teeth, a growly voice, probably shit breath and has skin that looks like it's made up of Honda upholstery.
71. Ugly-chicken-horse-lizard: The type of transportation that Obi-Wan chooses to get up to the tenth level is a creepy mutated iguana-rooster that looks like Buckbeak visited a gay bar.
72. Nute Gunray: This fucker is still not dead?! You'd think with him being the be-all, end-all villain in the prequels as opposed to Palpatine, the Jedi would be more focused on him as opposed to Grievous.
73. "Hello there!": Ewan McGregor no-doubt ad-libbed this line and made his entrance supreme.
74. Manipulation 101: Throughout the entire movie, Palpatine manipulates Anakin to join the dark side like a jealous girlfriend manipulates her guy-friend that she has a crush on to break up with another girl and be with her. He's not even the least-bit subtle about it. "The Jedi didn't make you a master? Oh! That's because they don't trust you!"
75. Anakin, the Weak: Palpatine flat-out reveals that he's the Sith Lord they've been looking for and Anakin doesn't kill him...continuing to sink to new depths of stupidity.
76. Four Lightsabers: To make the idea of the lightsaber duel less about emotional depth and more about over-the-top toys, Grievous just so happens to multiply his arms and wield four lightsabers to Obi-Wan's one. Obi-Wan still beats him, so four lightsabers makes no difference whatsoever.
77. Unicycle vs. Lizard: Obi-Wan's mutated green iguana somehow keeps up with Grievous's one-wheeled vehicle, neck and neck.
78. Anakin is Left Out: Anakin informs the Jedi Council and Samuel L. that Palpatine is the Sith Lord they've been looking for. Samuel L. leaves him behind, takes three other Jedi Masters, and goes to arrest him. Anakin kinda just stands their with his dick in his hand and watches them fly away. 
79. Oddly Artsy: After revealing to Mace Windu Palpatine's identity, Anakin is left behind. He just goes and sits in the Jedi council chambers and sits there...alone. Across town, Padme gets up in her apartment and stares out the window toward the Jedi Temple. It's an oddly artsy scene, one you wouldn't expect to find in a movie about space monks,
80. Mace Windu's Tag-Team: Windu selects three other Jedi Masters to assist him in arresting the Chancellor. It just so happens that they're also three of the shittiest Jedi in the galaxy. One dies before the fight even begins, the second one dies just after the first one does (Two in the course of two seconds). Kit Fisto, the fan-favorite, stays alive for about two or three seconds more before getting axed. In the span of about six seconds, Mace Windu goes from having three Jedi as back-up to being on his own.
81. Palpatine vs. Windu: Ian McDiarmid was not made to duel with lightsabers. Forget the fact that he originally played the Emperor as a lightsaber-mocking totem of evil. He fights so poorly and without coordination, you'd wonder if he was blind. Samuel L. Jackson? He fights very slowly to make sure it looks good, resulting in a very clunky and awkward duel. It looks like The Force Unleashed physics were employed, if the two players just mashed buttons.
82. Anakin Big-Dumb Idiot-Head: As Mace Windu puts his saber up to Palpatine ready to strike him down, Anakin shows up just in the nick of time to prevent it. Just as Palpatine tries to reason with Anakin and make him turn against Mace, who's going to kill him. Even after Anakin hears logical reasoning to not turn against the Jedi, he does. He slices Mace's hand off and watches in horror as Mace Windu is electrocuted by Palpatine and tossed out the window.
83. Palpatine's Folly: So...in this entire scheme...it's evident that Anakin only wants to do what's best for Padme to try and save her. Palpatine trying to convince Anakin that the Jedi are evil and that they're "taking over" shouldn't bother him. In fact, it should really show Anakin what a liar Palpatine is. Anakin, up until now, shouldn't have really cared if the Jedi were "taking over", because he was a Jedi. Still, were lucky Anakin also had a hankering for power and being evil, or else him being convinced by Palpatine that the Jedi were evil would seem really stupid.
84. Anakin's Turn: Anakin turns to the dark side, like, super fast. Much faster than he should've considering the heroic boy wonder he's been. Plus, he doesn't take any convincing. Palpatine just throws Windu out the window, murdering him in cold blood, and turns to Anakin and says "See? They were evil!" Anakin just says "Yep. They were. Better pledge myself to you"
85. Immortality, Ho?: Immortality plays a huge role in Anakin's turn. It's the main reason he does so. He wants to learn the path to immortality, just like Darth Plagueis did, so he can save Padme from death. Palpatine then basically shits on that dream after he's already turned and says "Yeah, that whole immortality thing? Nobody knows how to do that. But hey, we can figure it out, right?" Anakin, if he were intelligent, would've said "Hey, wait a minute!" and shishkabobbed Palps with his lightsaber. Instead, now having his only reason for turning proven to be a heaping crock of shit, he still says "Well now I'm here. There's no way to turn back. Better stay evil."
86. Strong Enough with the Dark Side: Anakin had to have smelled the bullshit that is "Kill all these people and you'll be strong enough in the dark side to save your wife." Those two things don't even correlate! Hell he already knows that immortality is a crock, so what's he even still working for Palpatine for?
87. Darth Vader: As Anakin has now turned to the dark side, Palpatine christens him with the required "Darth moniker" since he's apart of the club. Palpatine dubs him "Darth Vader", unaware that his name alone is a Dutch spoiler alert, and sends him on his way.
88. Grievous's Heart: Obi-Wan kills Grievous by shooting him in the heart. Grievous is literally 3% organic and still has a heart that is his kryptonite.
89. "So Uncivilized": I like Ewan McGregor's tribute to Alec Guinness. Almost makes me forget he got his ass handed to him by a robot and didn't even once think to use the Force to...I don't know, throw him off the hangar or something.
90. Order 66: Of course the plot to kill the Jedi would have to have an evil-sounding number. There's no evil to the name "Order 37" is there? 
91. Flip of the Switch: With the decision from Palpatine to "Execute Order 66", the Clones instantly turn evil and starting gunning down Jedi, which is almost hysterical in a way. Reminds me of The Simpsons "TreeHouse of Horror" with the evil Krusty doll that "Somebody set to evil."
92. Genuine Sadness: Despite the fact its hard to get emotionally attached to something that was built in a computer, the montage of clones killing their Jedi generals is pretty gut-wrenching to watch.
93. Slaughtering Children: Vader wanders into the Jedi Council chambers and finds a bunch of toddler Jedi hiding. Desperate to escape, one asks him "What are we going to do?" Vader then activates his lightsaber and, off-screen, slaughters them. This must've come about following the backlash against Jar Jar. Like George was just like "Fine. You think I'm a sissy? You think I'm making Star Wars for children! How about if I have Vader murder children!" Remember viewers, he's killing defenseless toddlers to save his wife. A wife I'm sure nobody watching even gives a shit about anymore.
94. Smits to the Rescue: This is about the time that Bail Organa goes from background character to out-front and main character pretty damn quick. Jimmy Smits shows up to the on-fire Jedi Temple, is turned away by clones who threaten to shoot him, and then flees as another youngling sacrifices himself to save him.
95. Obi-Wan's nonchalant-ness: Obi-Wan escapes his clone troopers attack on him and steals Grievous's fighter to flee the planet. When Senator Organa comes in contact with him, Obi-Wan nonchalantly says "My clone troopers turned on me." He doesn't even sound alarmed, like he feels some bad shit in the galaxy is going down and his old friend is killing children.
96. The Great Jedi Purge: We have to discuss the "Great Jedi Purge". In Revenge of the Sith, it is established that the Purge is the be-all end-all plan to murder every Jedi and place the Sith back in power in the galaxy. The movie establishes that it appears Yoda and Obi-Wan Kenobi are the only two Jedi to survive the Purge, but the freakin' Expanded Universe decides to make the Purge look less-effective and less of a fool-proof plan by establishing instead that several Jedi escape the Purge. Quite a few dozen, actually. There's entire comic books, novels and I'm sure a few TV shows that show us close to a hundred or more Jedi escape the Purge. It's not a huge deal, but it's a personal annoyance. Yoda, in the movie, even says "Heard from no one, have we" when asked by Obi-Wan how many other Jedi survived. So it's strongly hinted that Yoda believes he and Obi-Wan are the only ones left. So either the Purge caused Yoda to stop using the force worth a dick, or George keeps allowing the EU to retroactively fuck both his stories and his characters. I'll let you decide....
97. "Hunt Down and Destroy the Jedi Knights": What Obi-Wan tells Luke in Star Wars is that Darth Vader 'helped the Empire hunt down and destroy the Jedi Knights'. What Revenge of the Sith tells you instead is that there was actually very little hunting involved. He kind of just showed up and killed everyone. Not even the Jedi not in the Temple were hunted down, they were just gunned down by their clones. So...really there was no hunting. *Sigh* Unless you count the EU, but at this point, fuck the EU.
98. Invisible Jedi: As Bail sneaks the Jedi back onto Coruscant, he gets a video message from blue-horn guy asking him to appear at a special session of Congress. How he didn't see the Jedi from his video message, I can't even tell you.
99. Better than the Rest: So Obi-Wan and Yoda decide to sneak into the Jedi Temple during the special session of Congress called by the Chancellor. We just got done watching Ki-Adi Mundi have trouble deflecting moderately-paced blaster fire, but Obi-Wan and Yoda deflect fast-paced blaster fire from a few dozen clone troopers with ease.
100. Political Reorganization: During this "special session of Congress", Palpatine tells the crowd that he will reorganize the Republic into the first 'Galactic Empire', to ensure a 'safe and secure society'. What he fails to explain is why doing so will do just that. Plus, everyone just applauds wildly. Imagine if America was like "We're not a democratic republic anymore. We're reorganizing into a communist-monarchy! Or perhaps a socalist-empire? Social media would have rants up the ass.
101. "How Liberty Dies": Personally, I have no problem with this political satire. I'm just glad the internet made memes out of Natalie Portman during the 2016 Presidential Election.
102. Coded Jedi Message: Once inside the Temple, Obi-Wan recalibrates the coded message beckoning all Jedi to return, to have it tell them to stay away. Great plan. There must be more Expanded Universe novels, TV shows and comic books, after all.
103. Hello, Goodbye: So Vader kills all of the Jedi in the Temple, and then is told by Palpatine to go to the Mustafar system to kill the Seperatist leaders. Vader takes a detour and stops by to talk to his wife, telling her the Jedi tried overthrowing the Republic and then splitting right away. Padme is someone who's been worrying about Anakin since the downfall started, but Anakin stops in for five-minutes just to ditch her again.
104. Jedi Security Footage: I find it acceptable the Jedi Temple has close-circuit video cameras somewhere recording security footage for viewing on holograms. What I can't stand is that there isn't a morbidly obese Jedi eating donuts named "Barry" that monitors seventeen closed-circuit cameras at all times. Just any ol' Joe can wander up to the security footage and watch it.
105. Learning the Truth: So Obi-Wan and Yoda, supposedly Force-powered, intuitive Jedi Knights need security hologram footage to show them what anyone with a brain stem could've guessed: Anakin is the one who killed the Jedi in the Temple and devoted himself to Palpatine. Obi-Wan doesn't even break down or shed a tear, he just shuts off the footage and says "I can't watch anymore". 
106. Yoda's Dynamite Plan: Yoda decides that the best way for Obi-Wan and him to beat up the Sith and take back the galaxy, is to split up. Why? They're both on the same planet as Palpatine, why not go double-team him (giggity) and then fly to wherever the hell Anakin is and double-team him (giggity)? Splitting up just increases their chances of failure.
107. Not Strong Enough: Obi-Wan can't stomach the thought of killing Anakin, so he beckons Yoda to allow him to kill the Emperor. Yoda responds that Obi-Wan is not strong enough to kill the Emperor. The audience starts wondering why that is. Obi-Wan sword-fights with finesse, power and speed and is fluent in all forms of lightsaber combat. If they watched the lightsaber duel with Windu, they'd know Palpatine sword fights like an Alzheimer's patient attempting to solve a Calculus equation. Obi-Wan would have handed Palpatine his wrinkly butt on a silver platter..
108. Questioning Padme: Obi-Wan shows up at Padme and Anakin's apartment and starts questioning her on Anakin's whereabouts. When she refuses to tell him, he decides to drop the bomb that Anakin killed the Jedi in the temple, swore himself to the Sith and turned to the dark side (because dropping all this knowledge on a hysterical woman will surely get her to side with him). When she still won't give up her husband, Obi-Wan splits.
109. "Anakin is the father, isn't he?": So Obi-Wan determines that Padme is pregnant, and asks the most obvious question of obvious questions. When she doesn't respond to that either, he just says "I'm so sorry" and walks off. Obi-Wan, look, I know you're trying to find your demented, sand-hating lunatic of a friend, but you could benefit from some sensitivity training.
110. Killing the Separatists: In a truly dark and well-done scene, Vader lands on Mustafar, enters a mining station and coldly kills all the Separatist leaders, including that frog-faced fuck Nute Gunray. This scene is well paced and well acted, so much so that you wonder if it was shot on a day that Lucas had off.
111. Tying Up Loose Ends: Once Anakin becomes Darth Vader, the entire rest of the movie is devoted to tying up the loose ends before the prequels carry the story into the opening of Star Wars. It makes you feel good because if you're marathoning these movies, you'd realize that the best is yet to come.
112. Padme intervenes: Padme flies to Mustafar and confronts her husband about what Obi-Wan told her. He scoffs at it, though he doesn't deny it, and says merely that Obi-Wan is trying to turn her against him. This scene is very emotional and well, done EXCEPT Natalie Portman conjures the ability to cry and feel sad, and Hayden Christensen channels his inner block of wood and acts accordingly.
113. Padme's Conundrum: Obi-Wan told Padme that Anakin was seen on security holograms "killing younglings". Padme then goes to Anakin, and in an attempt to reason with him, demands they run away together to "raise their child". Anakin, who was just accused of killing younglings... is someone Padme wants alone around their young child. This has "Bad News" written all over it.
114. Anakin Strangles His Wife: The cherry on top of the 'Anakin's-a-dumbass-with-a-poor-character-arc' sundae: Anakin decides to Force choke his wife into unconsciousness when he suspects she brought Obi-Wan with her to kill him. This renders his motives, his desires, his temptation from Palpatine, his turn to the dark side, and the past two hours of drama...entirely pointless.
115. Obi-Wan vs. Anakin: The duel between Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi on Mustafar still stands as an epic focal point of the entire Star Wars saga. I think it was done with all the love and soul for the story that George had left, We'd only read about this duel on toy boxes and novellas, and now we get to see it. Some people say it goes on too long and gets a little over the top at times. While I agree swinging from cables and climbing towers while still fighting is a little over-the-top, but it goes on as long as it needs to. I think it's beautiful.
116. Twirling Swords: There's one point in the duel that stands out as silly. It's a point in the mining center control room where Obi-Wan and Anakin carry their fight. There's a moment where, for a few seconds, Obi-Wan and Anakin blindly swing their lightsabers at each other but never make contact. It's just blind lightsaber waving. Kind of derails the momentum.
117. Marshall Dillon Strikes Back: One of my favorite things about Yoda during this climax is that he walks around like he doesn't give a fuck. Just like the marshall of the old westerns. Two Imperial guards go to stick him, and he just punts them against a wall.
118. Fingertip Lightning: Considering it's the third Star Wars movies to showcase finger lightning, it starts getting pretty dull that the Jedi fall for it every single time. I've always wanted to see how they counteract Force chokes, but nope! Straight to the finger lightning.
119. Tarzan Fighting: As stated earlier, Obi-Wan and Vader duke it swinging from cables like Tarzan fighting Sabor in..., well, Tarzan.
120. The Emperor's Cackling: During his duel with Yoda, the Emperor spends time talking really slowly and really enunciating things, or he just cackles. He even stops at one point and motions like he's going to wipe dribble from his chin. Ian McDiarmid must've forgot to do his condescending chuckle from Return of the Jedi, sinister.
121. Destruction of the Senate: The scene where Palpatine is throwing Senate pods at Yoda during the chorus of Duel of the Fates is still such a powerful scene and I still get goosebumps when it comes on. It symbolizes the defeat of the Republic and the beginning of the Galactic Empire, the fall of the Jedi and the rise of the Sith, the victor of Palpatine and the exile of Yoda, the end of the prequels and the start of the originals ALLin the course of the scene. Powerful stuff.
122. "From My Point of View": When you ask a Star Wars fan why Anakin Skywalker turned to the dark side and became Darth Vader, 99% of them will tell you it was to save Padme's life. So why, when arguing with Obi-Wan Kenobi, does Anakin tell him "I should've known that the Jedi were taking over. From my point of view, the Jedi are evil!"? Is it because they were holding him back from being a Master? Boo-fucking-hoo, you still got to be on the council. At that point, you're just being petty. Was it because they didn't have the power to save Padme? Palpatine doesn't either, in fact he blatantly told you he doesn't after you turn! Obi-Wan should've just Leonidas-kicked him into the lava for being such a dunce.
123. The High Ground: I still have yet to determine if the combat notion of "the high ground" is a recognized battle advantage. Obi-Wan seems to think so. He stops the fight dead when he attains it.
124. Into Exile: Yoda gets tossed onto the floorof the Senate, conveniently losing his lightsaber in the process to show why he didn't have it in The Empire Strikes Back. Instead of climbing back to show Palpatine what for, he surrenders, escapes with Bail Organa, and instantly puts himself into exile. Yoda gives up easier than a college student during midterms.
125. Up in Smoke: The girls I went to high school were right all along, I guess. Hayden Christensen is hot. Hot enough to where he fucking bursts into flames on the tip of a lava bank and becomes a melted slab of beef barbecuing on a gravely grill.
126. James Earl Christensen: When Vader gets his armor, Hayden Christensen immediately transforms into James Earl Jones.
127. Is Padme Safe?: James Earl Jones, known for making Vader a menacing badass in the 70's and 80's, asking if Padme is safe and alright makes my brain hurt. Someone once noted this scene as one of many that symbolizes an "unholy marriage between Prequel and Original".
128. NOOOOOOO!: Stop. Stop it. Having a character shout "No!" in a movie is so cliche and stupid and there's never a single point in a movie where it serves the tone well. Having Darth Vader do it of all people is also an insult on top of an insult. You know what would've worked much better? They should've had Vader growl in agony, causing his throat to spark with his new machinery and smash his fists into the ground, sending a Force shockwave throughout the entirety of the room and eradicating everything but him and Palpatine. That would've amounted to so much more, emotionally.
129. Losing the Will to Live: As the Jedi watch over Padme as she gives birth, the droid says "for reasons we can't explain, we're losing her", meaning Padme. "She's lost the will to live" is a lazy excuse that shouldn't have even been included. I think CinemaSins said it best, "just call it the 'I'm not in the original trilogy' disease".
130. Quick Transition: There's a scene close to the end where we see Vader on the bridge of a Star Destroyer, and the interior already resembles OT Star Destroyers and the officers are already in their grey uniforms. That was...fast to say the least. Unless that scene takes place like two years later, but then it'd just be out of place.
131. Tarkin: There's a discount Grand Moff Tarkin in the background during that very scene. You'd think with George wanting to be the pioneer of CGI special effects, he would've beaten Rogue One to the punch digitally resurrecting Peter Cushing.
132. Qui-Gon & Immortality: After they decide how to split up Anakin's children so they'll be kept safe, Yoda tells Obi-Wan that he has training for him on Tatooine during his exile. "A friend has learned the path to immortality and has returned from the netherworld of the Force". It's funny to think a big star like Liam Neeson gets a passing glance, but it's even funnier when you learn he was suppose to have a cameo communing with Yoda. So Qui-Gon learned how to be immortal and now Obi-Wan is going to train with him to learn how. This most heavily hints at how Obi-Wan and Yoda become Force Ghosts when they die.
     
     Plus it's a double-dumbass on Anakin, because now the Jedi know the path to immortality, meaning Anakin destroyed the Republic, killed his wife, turned his back on all those who loved and trusted him, lost his limbs and burnt alive for absolutely nothing.
133. The End: Finally, the scene where Obi-Wan delivers baby Luke Skywalker to Owen and Beru on Tatooine is so strong and well done, as its so reminiscent of Star Wars. Hell, even the DVD chapter for this scene was called "A New Hope". Music swells as Owen and Beru watch over the two suns and the end credits kick in.

So that was it. 131 nitpicks later, and the Nitpick Express's nitpicking of the Star Wars prequel trilogy is in the books? What's going on next? What's up next for the Nitpick Express? I wanted to nitpick The Lion King next, maybe kickstarting a Disney anthology of nitpickings, but I also want to nitpick the original trilogy next too. Only time will tell, as Kent Brockman once said. Until then, adios! I hope you enjoyed...

...I'm also sorry this took so long.