An Epic Star Wars Retrospect: "Star Wars (later Episode IV: A New Hope)", 1977

Hello again! Welcome back. Today, it dawned on me. While the Star Wars films are some of my favorite films in the history of everything to watch, I've never done an in-depth retrospective on any of them. I know I've tried in the past, but the reviews only ended up as audio files that lasted two or three minutes. Instead, I decided to try my hand at tackling Star Wars in this format here.

The next thing I wondered is how to review Star Wars effectively. At first I thought just touch on the six movies and be done. However, then I started thinking that everyone will want to hear my opinions on the 1995 LaserDisc films, 1997 special editions, the 2004 DVDs, the limited edition 2006 DVDs, and of course the 2011 Blu-rays. So, I'm going to do just that, I'm gonna tackle all the major releases of the six films that I at least acknowledge as such. First off, let's start with the actual review of the films, in their theatrical glory.

"Star Wars", 1977
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

The first Star Wars film took the world by storm. No joke. We think movies today have giant releases with well-hyped media outlets, Star Wars created that vibe. Not at first, however. Before Star Wars, the indignities of the Vietnam War coupled with the American people's lacking of trust in their leaders and their government had the country in a dark place in time. It was a time when movies in Hollywood were more realistic and featured grim displays if then-modern day America.

Coming from California, a young filmmaker by the name of George Lucas had just finished his film American Graffiti and was shopping a new screenplay around to execs all over Hollywood. Alan Ladd, Jr. at 20th Century Fox funded Lucas's vision and the legendary film was created. May 25th, 1977 was a day the world will never forget.

The Characters

L-R: Mark Hamill as Luke Skywalker, Carrie Fisher as
Princess Leia, and Harrison Ford as Han Solo

You have three main characters in the story of Star Wars. First, Luke Skywalker, the farm boy and the would-be hero of the story. He's played by then relatively-unknown actor Mark Hamill, known today for his voice work as DC Comics super villain the Joker. Then comes C-3PO and R2-D2, the two droids carrying the plans to the princess on Alderaan, both brilliantly brought to live by Anthony Daniels and Kenny Baker, respectively. One of the most notable roles in the film was of old Jedi master Obi-Wan "Ben" Kenobi, played by Sir Alec Guinness. Different reports dispute whether or not Guinness was satisfied with his casting as Obi-Wan or if he enjoyed it; I personally believe he enjoyed it to an extent that he hoped it wouldn't eclipse the other work in his career.

The second main character, Han Solo, is played by Harrison Ford, also an unknown at the time. He's a smug space pirate who only worries about himself and gets in bad dealings and apparently has a price on his head. His Wookie pal Chewbacca is played by Peter Mayhew, who has played Chewbacca in every live-action instance of him since. Princess Leia, the third main character of the film, is played by Carrie Fisher. She's another main focus of the story, seeing as how R2's mission is one she gave to him and the plans could be hers.

Sir Alec Guinness as Obi-Wan "Ben" Kenobi

On the other side of the spectrum, there's the evil Darth Vader, played by David Prowse and voiced by James Earl Jones. He's a mysterious figure in all-black armor who appears to have once been a Jedi Knight, as Obi-Wan reveals that Vader was once his apprentice who betrayed him and helped the Empire hunt down and destroy all the Jedi Knights, including one who was Luke Skywalker's father.
Then you have Vader's boss Grand Moff Tarkin, played by Peter Cushing. He's nothing more than a stock lead bad guy, but he's more memorable because of Peter Cushing's performance.




The Story

"The story of Star Wars is that of farm boy Luke Skywalker who essentially dreams of being among the stars and fighting the war against the evil Galactic Empire. When two droids, C-3PO and R2-D2, crash land on his home planet of Tatooine carrying secret plans to the Empire's ultimate weapon, and are then purchased for work by Luke's uncle on his farm, Luke goes with them to seek out an old sage on his planet by the name of Ben Kenobi. After learning of Kenobi's whereabouts, Luke's aunt and uncle are killed by the Imperial forces in search of the droids. Luke decides to go with Kenobi to Mos Eisley spaceport to hire a pilot to take them to Alderaan, the home planet of Princess Leia Organa, custodian of the stolen plans who programmed R2-D2 for his mission. Here, they meet smuggler Han Solo and his co-pilot Chewbacca. Together, they take Han's ship, the Millennium Falcon, and travel to Alderaan. Along the way they are intercepted by the Empire's weapon, the Death Star, a giant space station capable of destroying a planet with one use of its super laser. On board, they encounter Darth Vader, a mysterious enemy who was once himself a Jedi and know a Dark Lord of the Sith for the Empire. Obi-Wan sacrifices himself to save Luke, Leia and Han and together with the Rebel Alliance, they launch an assault on and destroy the Death Star. Luke and Han are praised as heroes and the film ends."

Darth Vader, played by David Prowse and voiced by
James Earl Jones

This was a lot for 1977 audiences to take in, and here's why. When Star Wars begins, there's an opening crawl that fills us in on events on what has occurred prior to the start of this film, whether they immediately occurred before the film or occurred many years prior. So in 1977, when you watch Star Wars, the crawl is your back story, and then you're thrown directly into a raging battle between the Galactic Empire and the Rebel Alliance. I'm not saying its impossible to follow. In fact, its brilliant! Lucas didn't wanna waste anyone's time telling a back story to the events of the film. Throwing them in the middle of the action and creating a story out of a war that is already raging is a great tactic for story-telling. Having to set up the Galactic Civil War setting and warring factions for the story to take place in would've taken at least 3-4 films prior (wink, wink)...

Think of it this way. Imagine no expanded universe. Imagine no prequels or TV shows or comic books. On May 25th, 1977, this is the ONLY form of Star Wars related material you have. The only source of story. Now, today I'm sure there are literally millions of story entries in the saga, and its almost impossible for one person to memorize and therefore encompass into their viewing.

The Special Effects
Two other aspects of the original 1977 Star Wars film I wanted to touch on were its special effects and its soundtrack. I'll start with the former.

The special effects for the original Star Wars film were the result of an $11 million budget and a lack of time for production. It also came from the fact Lucas wanted to do all the special effects for the film with his own company, and thus came Industrial, Light and Magic. The majority of, if not all of, the special effects were done with models of various animals and ships. The lasers and lightsabers were done in post-production with computers. Some of the ship relays and setups were so magnificent that when coupled with the score and the sound effects, are mesmerizing. All the shots of the ships in space, they had to rig with special relays to get it to move in the way you see it on screen.

The Soundtrack
Obviously, Star Wars was envisioned as being a space-opera film, so the opera portion was severely lacking until Lucas was able to recruit the industry's best in John Williams. Williams had recently won an Oscar for his work in Steven Spielberg's Jaws. For the film, Williams composed several themes for different characters, the most memorable being Luke's them and Obi-Wan's theme. The main title crawl for Star Wars is a rendition of Luke's theme with an interlude, but it has become one of the most recognizable film theme pieces in motion picture history. Just reading "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away..." and then having "STAR WARS" blast through the screen and hear his triumphant march begin...all of the film's score is fantastic. Fully recommended to anyone looking for film soundtracks.

The Verdict
Fantastic. It seems like all the stars were aligned when George Lucas became intent on creating Star Wars. Everything came together perfectly, and it shows. Star Wars is not only just perfect in my eyes, but it was one of the first twenty-five films inducted for preservation in the Library of Congress' National Film Registry for being "culturally significant". It has spawned almost forty years of just wave after wave of Star Wars related media coming our way. Will there be a time when Star Wars becomes unpopular and eventually die off? I doubt it, honestly. The universe is just far too big. It has too much to encompass and even after all the loads of stories many have told using its universe, there still millions more stories to tell...and all the pages of books and comics, all the plastic going into building the toys, all the airtime used for television and especially the all the work that has gone into making the films...it all stared with this simple "space movie" that came out in 1977, and whisked audiences away to a galaxy far, far away...

Rating: ***** 5 stars out of 5 = Nothing short of a masterpiece

The New Lightsabers

So, today I was handed a link to the debut of the new Star Wars trailer. Naturally, I had to rape the replay button. I wanted to speculate as much as I can.

There's only one thing I wanna touch on, the lightsaber has cross guards now. I didn't know what to think at first. Every new addition to Star Wars has always done innovative things with the lightsaber. After all, the lightsaber is one of the primary staples of the whole franchise. When you think "Star Wars", you think of lightsabers at least once or twice. When the first trilogy of films came out in 1977, 1980 and 1983, the lightsabers were just linear hilts with energy blades. That's it. Pretty great, and then in 1999 when the trailer for Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace came out, you got to see Darth Maul and his double-bladed lightsaber. In Episode II: Attack of the Clones you had Anakin Skywalker wielding two seperate lightsabers in combat. Episode III: Revenge of the Sith had nothing special but still definitely satisfying. Now that Episode VII has its teaser trailer, we see the lightsaber has cross guards. It's great. I think it's definitely ballsy to try and change the lightsaber again. Pretty soon we'll have dozens of different kinds of lightsabers.

Nobody gonna stop me wit my cross guards

A Bill & Ted retrospect, Part II: "The Bogus Journey"

When Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure came out in 1988, it stood as one of my films to be forever associated with the 80's. No one would ever guess that movie came from a different decade.

Fast forward to the year 1990. It has been two years since the release of the previous film. The 80's are now in America's memory as a decade where everyone just wanted to have fun. Chris Matheson and Ed Solomon, the writers of the first film begin to write a sequel. Pete Hewitt joins the production with it being only his second directorial effort. The stage is set for a 1991 release.

THE PLOT

L-R: Bill, Death and ted

The film takes place three years after the first film. I guess the movies also progress in real time. Bill and Ted are living in their own apartment and trying to enter the local Battle of the Bands competition to win a recording contract and start their careers as rock superstars. However, fast forward to the year 2691. A man by the name of Chuck De Nomolos has orchestrated a plot to change the Wyld Stallyns' fate forever by creating two evil androids of Bill and Ted and sending them back in time to 1991 San Dimas to, as the robots themselves said, "totally kill Bill & Ted, take over their lives and utterly destroy them". They then would play the Battle of the Bands competition themselves and give a speech that would've immortalized the duo, but instead destroy their images and prevent them from become rock phenoms.

After the robots succeed in killing Bill and Ted under false pretenses, the duo attempt to reenter their lives, refusing to believe their dead; even dodging the Grim Reaper along the way. However, they soon learn that no one can any longer see them or hear them. During a false attempt to communicate with people during a seance, Bill and Ted are banished and they're sent to Hell. That's right, Hell. As in the Hell. When they arrive, they each view their own personal Hell, and realize the ultimatum. They play the Grim Reaper in a series of games to determine whether, right out of The Seventh Seal.

THE CHARACTERS
While Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure had a bizarre cast of characters, it worked so well because you were creating scenarios in your head the whole way throughout the movie about what it would be like if those historical figures actually met each other. Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey on the other hand, takes characters that exist on a different plane, or don't exist at all and mixes them together.

Death (William Sadler) playing Clue with Bill and Ted

First off, Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves return as Bill and Ted, and rightfully so because these movies would not be even watchable without those two. Next, George Carlin returns as Rufus. Except this time he's not a "sage" like character. Instead, he sort of joins Bill and Ted on their adventure. He's not offering advice to them like the last film, because he has none. This is as much his enemy as it is theirs.

Next, William Sadler was brought in to do the stellar portrayal of the Grim Reaper. The Reaper, or "Death" as he is often referred to in the film, first starts out as we've all imagined him. An embodiment of a ferry that helps souls travel to the afterlife. Soon, the movie takes a wicked crazy turn when it turns him into a comedic punchline and a personal friend of Bill and Ted...and even a member of their band at the very end. Joss Ackland joins the cast as Chuck De Nomolos, the villain of the film. He's on a one-man mission to eliminate Bill and Ted from the history books and rewrite himself as humanity's new salvation, with the aid of the evil robot Bill and Ted, both played Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves.

The princesses form Medieval England have also returned from the first film, but they're different actresses. They're your typical damsels in distress. Capt. Logan returns, still played by Hal Landon, Jr. Amy Stock-Poynton returns as Bill's stepmom, Missy...who strangely enough has divorced Bill's dad and married Ted's.

Evil Bill & Evil Ted, still played by Winter and Reeves

Aside from them you have nameless actors voicing God, the Devil and various other small characters. All in all, the movie was thrown into a wicked different direction, character-wise. Instead of having a funny-lighthearted tone to the characters, they all seem like darker clones of themselves. Even Bill and Ted started dressing in grunge clothes. Still, I can't complain. The update was necessary. Trying to make sequel to 80's movie both produced and set in 1991 wasn't easy, so they had to update with the times. It worked well! Everything seems very grunge and very dark. A new step in a different direction that was surprisingly satisfying.

THE SOUNDTRACK
The soundtrack is essentially the same type of music; hard rock and heavy metal. Easily my favorite song off the soundtrack is Winger's contribution of "Battle Stations". In the film it plays when a Martian Bill and Ted meet in heaven (ironically named "Station") purchases hardware supplies to build "Good Robots Bill & Ted" and build them in the back of their van. It's a great montage and the song is fantastic.

THE VERDICT
Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey is a mixed bag. Personally, I love it almost as much as Excellent Adventure. However, I've met a few people that love the first movie and don't like this one very much. It's a commonplace with sequels to be inferior to the first film, but for me, Bogus Journey is just as entertaining. Its just a different film altogether. Its filmed differently, the characters are different, the mood is different; the adventure is the main difference, and that's the key point here. It is a complete one-eighty from the previous film. Two very different quests with very different characters make for two very different films, and that's fine for anyone's preference.

4.25 stars out of 5: Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey, while not as strong as the first film in its overall presentation, will still leave you satisfied and give you a wild ride of an adventure.

Halloween: The Night He Came Home...

It's that wonderful time again. Black cats, goblins, ghouls and vampires; a lot of the emo kids and kids with problems will tell you that this is their favorite time of year. Me? I enjoy the leaves, the ambience that horror movies allow, and football.

Michael Myers

In going to the horror movie aspect, you can't have a single horror movie marathon without including at least one of the Halloween films. These films set the archetype for horror films for both me personally and for the horror film-going public. In fact, the original Halloween set the stage for what would later become the "slasher" genre. (For those who don't know, "slasher" films are horror films with a body count).

Anywho, for this year's Halloween, I've taken it upon myself to go ahead and do a quick rundown of the Halloween films. Next year I'm thinking about doing in depth reviews of them, but for now since it's the last day of the horror movie season, I'll just stick with...let's say a countdown of which ones I think are best. I'll split them up into the "5 worth watching" and the "5 worth hating". Let's get this going! 

5 "Halloween" Films Worth Watching

1. Halloween

Release date: October 25th, 1978

Directed by: John Carpenter

I mean, right? How can you watch the Halloween films without including the classic that started it all? The original Halloween, as stated, set the bar for how slasher movies should be done. Set in a rural mid-western town on Halloween night, it perfectly sets the tone for the night that's about to go to hell. I won't go too much into the story, I'll save that for a detailed review next year. The film stars Jamie Lee Curtis in her first film role, and as well as Donald Pleasence. The film tells the story of Michael Myers, a six-year old who slaughters his sister Judith on Halloween night, 1963 and how on 1978, he escapes captivity to return home to Haddonfield to kill again. Fantastic start to the series.

Donald Pleasence as Dr. Samuel Loomis

2. Halloween II

Release date: October 30th, 1981

Directed by: Rick Rosenthal

The sequel, Halloween II released in 1981 takes place on the same Halloween night as the first movie. In fact, it was marketed as "More of the night he came home". Jamie Lee Curtis and Donald Pleasence return to their respective roles as Laurie Strode and Dr. Samuel Loomis. While Laurie is transferred to the Haddonfield Hospital to recuperate from her injuries sustained in the first film, Loomis leads a town-wide manhunt in search for Michael. It's a fantastic entry in the series and leaves you wanting more.

3. Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers

Release date: October 21st, 1988

Directed by: Dwight H. Little

The third sequel in the series brings back Michael Myers for the 10th anniversary of the first murders in 1978. After the commercial failure of Halloween III: Season of the Witch, which attempted to take the series in a new direction, Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers was produced and released more as appeasement to the fans than anything. Donald Pleasence returns as Dr. Loomis, still on the hunt for ending Myers. Jamie Lee Curtis wasn't brought back, so producers hired young Danielle Harris as Jamie Lloyd, Michael's niece and new target. Fortunately for the producers, the movie was instantly regarded by many (myself included) as one of the greatest in the series. The ambiance of the movie, the chilling score, and the atmosphere of the quiet town makes for a great fright fest. The 80's was such a great time for horror movies.

4. Halloween III: The Season of the Witch

Release date: October 22nd, 1982

Directed by: Tommy Lee Wallace

Say whaaat? Halloween III? That's right, and here's why. Just last Halloween only, I caught it on TV, and I was hooked. Not to the point where I'd run out and buy a copy of it, but it wasn't as awful as people make it out to be. "What? No Michael Myers? BURN IT!" On the contrary, I enjoyed this one. Its its own thing. What had happened was during the production of Halloween II, the producers decided to turn Halloween into a horror anthology series, such as the Tales of the Crypt comic books. It was a great idea, and because of that, we got Halloween III. 

5. Halloween

Release date: August 31st, 2007

Directed by: Rob Zombie

When word came around the grapevine that they were going to produce a remake of Halloween, I was skeptical and upset. I never thought for a second that the remake was going to be anything special. When I heard Rob Zombie was named the director for it, I got a little better. The director of The Devil's Rejects remaking one of my favorite horror films? How could it go wrong? You got Malcolm McDowell playing Dr. Loomis and Brad Dourif as Sheriff Brackett. Well it didn't. Rob Zombie's Halloween is one of the best horror remakes you could ask for. Sure, there are some goofy things in it and some stupid things but still, it really could've been a hell of a lot worse. Still, when I do a detailed review later, I'll give you the 4-1-1 on what it is. For now, I say watch it.

5 "Halloween" Films Worth Hating

1. Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers

Release date: October 13th, 1989

Directed by: Dominique Othenin-Girard

Halloween 4 was a such a great success upon release, that the producers rushed the next sequel into production and had it out less than a year later...and believe me, it looks like something I'd turn in for homework, it's got such a bad "rushed feeling". Donald Pleasence is back for his fourth round as Dr. Loomis, and Danielle Harris returns as Jamie Lloyd. This movie takes place exactly one year after the events of Halloween 4. Michael continues to hunt Jamie, but now, a mysterious man in black shows up in Haddonfield and starts following Michael and Loomis around. The ending is horrifically ambiguous, and just sets up another sequel. Without going too much into detail, let me just say this: You can watch this one. After all, it's one I own. Just know, to both the common Halloween film and the average film goer, it'll be nothing special.

2. Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers

Release date: September 29th, 1995

Directed by: Joe Chappelle

The sixth film in the series is often considered, especially by me, to be the second-worst or worst (depending on who you talk to) entry in the series. Released six years after Halloween 5, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers tries its damnedest to follow up on the previous film's ambiguous ending, and fails. It doesn't fail miserably, but let's just say the first time the film was test-screened, the studio hated it so much it was put back into production with orders to film new scenes and completely change the plot. Donald Pleasence, frail as he was, returned for the fifth and final time as Dr. Loomis. When the film was ordered into reshoots, Pleasence died before reshoots were to commence, so the studio had no choice but to use existing footage and awkwardly cram it into the film. So the film is half what it was supposed to be, half what the studio tried changing it to. It creates a jumbled, confusing mess that solves next to nothing in the mythos. I know there's more to talk about...next time...For now though, skip it.

3. Halloween H20: Twenty Years Later

Release date: August 5th, 1998

Directed by: Steve Miner

Despite the fact Donald Pleasence died, the studio pressed on and another sequel was commenced. This time, they were able to convince Jamie Lee Curtis, star of Halloween and Halloween II, to return to the series. The film also marks the first time a Michael Myers-centered film didn't take place in Haddonfield. Instead, it takes place in a boarding school in California. Michael's mask looks utterly stupid in this film, but it's totally overlooked by the fact that Laurie is back and kicks so much ass. This time, they also tried an ending that would end the series for good. By the time the 90's began (certainly by 1998), the cheesy 80's slasher genre had become tired and stale. Halloween H20 was no better off than any of the other Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elm Street sequels coming out at the time, and because of that, while being a financial success, the film was panned by both critics and group of fans. I say give it a try, but don't expect too much.

4. Halloween: Resurrection

Release date: July 12th, 2002

Directed by: Rick Rosenthal

Even though they tried to end the series with Halloween H20, this partial abortion known as Halloween: Resurrection still found its way to theaters. Released the same year as Jason X, proving that 80's slasher genres had now completely given up, Halloween: Resurrection tried to be a lot, and failed. It added an MTV-style reality show touch to it, it had both Busta Rhymes and Tyra Banks in it, and it featured a fresh new cast with no ties to the original films. Except of course Jamie Lee Curtis' cameo in the beginning with her fourth roundabout as Laurie Strode. She's killed. Yep, that's right. She stars in the first ten minutes, just to be whacked. It's not fair to her character, but you know...Hollywood's nothing more than cum-guzzling whore at this point. I'd say skip this one...skip it or just watch it whilst treating it as a spoof.

5. Halloween II

Release date: August 28th, 2009

Directed by: Rob Zombie

I'm still not exactly sure how Rob Zombie found it in himself to make one of the best horror remakes in film history with Halloween, and then make a sequel to it that sucked so much ass, we treat Halloween II as a partial abortion we had to finish off. I know that's sick and morbid, but there's nothing even remotely cheerful about this film. The story is depressing, the characters are depressing, and even the ending doesn't solve any of it. It's just a giant, depressing crap fest. The principal actors from the first film return, but that only helps slightly. If none of the actors from the first film were there, I probably wouldn't even count this movie as a Halloween movie, nor would I even consider it worth watching. I mean, all Laurie does is cry, all Annie does is die, all Loomis does is turn into a conning bullshit artist, and Brackett is the guy there trying to keep it all together. Then there's the whole "White horse" bullshit that makes the film feel like an acid trip. The movie just tries to be far too many things. It just doesn't work. The things it tries to be don't mesh well together. Just skip this one. Skip it for the love of humanity.

Terminator: Genisys = WTF?!

Well, I have to write about something real quick. Today, plot details of the upcoming reboot to the Terminator franchise, Terminator: Genisys, were revealed in Entertainment Weekly. Rather than try to give you my perspective, I'm going to paste exactly what was said down below for you to read:

"Sarah Connor isn't the innocent she was when Linda Hamilton first sported feathered hair and acid-washed jeans in the role. Nor is she Hamilton's steely zero body-fat warrior in 1991's T2. Rather, the mother of humanity's messiah was orphaned by a Terminator at age 9. Since then, she's been raised by (brace yourself) Schwarzenegger's Terminator—an older T-800 she calls "Pops"—who is programmed to guard rather than to kill. As a result, Sarah is a highly trained antisocial recluse who's great with a sniper rifle but not so skilled at the nuances of human emotion."

I hope you got that. Take a moment to breathe that in. Let it roll around in your mind like a tin can on a wobbly table.

Because I plan to do a more detailed review sometime in the future, I'll attempt to keep this brief. Basically, in 1984's sci-fi classic The Terminator, Sarah Connor was your average 20-something living day-to-day for corporate gain. Now a mysterious robot shows up from the future to kill her. Plot ensues.

Linda Hamilton as Sarah Connor in The Terminator

Now, us Terminator fans (that is fans of James Cameron's films and haters of everything that came later), know that John Connor is the savior of humankind in the films. So, when you say that Sarah Connor, the mother of the savior, is now supposedly being cared for by fucking T-800s, which leads us to realize that now she knows about the Terminators all along, downright hoses all over the mythology of the original films. In the first film, Sarah is astounded to learn of the horrific events coming in the near future. Kyle Reese, the soldier sent to protect her, tells her of everything bad that's going to happen. It's genuinely like "Woah, shit. This is bad..."

Now, Sarah already knows of and is accepting of the cyborgs from the future. Now instead of a fun-loving, hard working girl, she's been downgraded to a nutcase recluse with a sniper-rifle. I guess they're trying to recreate Sarah Connor from Terminator 2: Judgment Day but even she showed some compassion then, even as a battle-hardened mother of the future. Now she emulates after the behavior of her Terminator "father". Ugh, fuck! I hate saying that, but yeah, says right up in the quote that she's "not so skilled at the nuances of human emotion". So they've turned her into an emotionless drone...fuck off? I don't know. It'll be "interesting" to see that train wreck when it comes out.

In conclusion, what do I think? I think it is an awful idea to change the entire canon of the franchise, especially when it alters the entire premise of the original movie. Basically, the franchise, in my eyes, is pulling a Star Trek. Erasing what has been done to make way for this fresh load of bullshit. Whereas the new Star Trek movies are great, enjoyable movies, this one I feel is going to crash and burn.

A Bill & Ted retrospect, Part I: "The Excellent Adventure"

One movie that sticks out in my mind as a classic in every sense of the word, is surprisingly a movie that not a lot of people bring up, yet I'm sure a lot of have seen. "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure".

Now, why is that movie considered such a revered classic in my eyes? Well, just look at it. I mean, the movie has everything going for it, and nothing. Depending on how you look at movies, it can either be ninety minutes of pure confusing boredom or ninety minutes of the greatest thing since "Citizen Kane". The plot, the characters, the soundtrack; it all is on par with the 80's, a decade that defined America, even to this day. The movie is truly one that has to be seen to be believed. So, anyway, let me walk you through why.

Bill & Ted (Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves)

THE PLOT:
The plot revolves around two high school students of San Dimas, CA; William "Bill" S. Preston, Esquire, played by Alex Winter, and his best friend Theodore "Ted" Logan, played by none other than Keanu Reeves. Together, the two learn that they're failing a class, American history. They also learn through Ted's dad, Capt. Logan, that if they fail history they flunk out of their school. (I don't know, I guess that they were failing pretty much all the other classes). Now, in a wild turn of events, a man arrives in a time-traveling phone booth from the future and tells them that the future is built on the rock band that Bill and Ted have created, "Wyld Stallyns", and that with their break up imminent, the future the man knows will cease to exist, creating a darker and hellish future in its place. The man is known simply as "Rufus", played by the funniest man in the history of the universe, George Carlin. You see, if Ted fails his history class, his father has elected to send Ted to military school up in Alaska, so it adds to the urgency that they have to try their hardest to ace this history class. The history class decides to set up final presentations in the form of giant speeches that determines the students' grades by their performances on these final speeches. The topic of the speech:

"Express to the class how an important historical figure from each of your time periods would view the world of San Dimas, 1988". 

So, Rufus sends a time-traveling phone booth back to Bill and Ted and they embark on a history through time to collect some of history's most important figures and bring them to the present day to aid them in their speech (The "final report" as it is often referred in the film).

THE CHARACTERS:
Obviously, you have Bill & Ted. These two are the quintessential high school surfer-stoners often seen in the movies of the 80's. They look stupid and they act stupid, but it seems so fresh in this flick because of the fact there's two of them. Fast Times at Ridgemont High? Only Spicoli. The Breakfast Club? Only Bender. The fact that we have two Spicolis works so well. They bounce jokes off each other like it's nothing. Just imagine two Spicolis talking to each other.

George Carlin as Rufus

Aside from Bill and Ted, you have the cast of historical figures. You have Napoleon Bonaparte, Sigmund Freud, Socrates, Billy the Kidd, Genghis Khan, Joan of Arc, Beethoven, and Abraham Lincoln, all played by actors who really represent how they'd behave in 1988 California. It's pretty sick, and soon you forget you're watching a bunch of actors. You start to really think that this movie used the historical figures themselves. After them, you just essentially have the supporting cast of Capt. Logan (Ted's dad), Missy (Bill's stepmom), Deacon (Ted's brother), and Mr. Ryan (Bill and Ted's history teacher).

The characters all really work well with one another. For instance, the historical figures all react well when placed in situations together. At first they act like they would in their respective time periods, but soon they all mesh when it comes to Bill & Ted getting a good grade on their final report. Without giving too much away, the final report works really well when the entire class thinks it's just actors portraying the historical figures when in reality it is the historical figures themselves. Rufus on the other hand, even though all George Carlin is doing is playing himself in essence.

L-R: Bill, Billy the Kidd, Ted and Socares in medieval England

THE SOUNDTRACK:
The movie was released in 1988, and since Bill & Ted are these surfer stoners the movie is pretty much filled with nothing but hair metal and monster ballads. It couldn't work any better. Its also aided by the fact that it wasn't mainstream metal like Def Leppard or Poison, it was lesser known bands like Shark Island, Big Pig or Power Tool. The soundtrack can be listened to from beginning to end. This movie made those songs great. "Two Heads are Better than One" by Power Tool plays when Bill & Ted are time-traveling and rounding up the historical figures for their report. The ballad "In Time" by Robbi Robb plays when Bill & Ted arrive in the future and learn that they are like Gods to the people of the future. "I Can't Break Away" by Big Pig opens the film in one of the most bizarre, yet memorable opening sequences in film history.

THE VERDICT:
Instant classic the first time you watch it. It's currently in my personal "Hall of Fame" of films. I guarantee that a movie with this bizarre of a premise will surprise and satisfy you. Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves have such a chemistry of playing buffoons on screen that you'll forget you're watching a movie almost. You'll feel like you're there, living the adventure with them. Truly immersed in the decade in which it was created, watching it will make you feel like you're taking a most excellent adventure through history...

5 stars out of 5: Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure is nothing short of a classic. Hands down. Watch it.