Ranking the "Halloween" Movies: #10 - "Halloween II" (2009)

Happy October everyone! Season's greetings! May you never trip over an indiscriminate item whilst being chased by a disgruntled homely person looking for love with a butcher knife.

Well, as promised, I'm going to give you my opinion on how the Halloween movies should be ranked. The Halloween movies have been a big part of my life since I started watching horror movies. Obviously as the flagship series of its kind, it started a lot of trends, and we're here to both salute them and mock them. So let's get started.

DISCLAIMER: Obviously, it goes without saying that if you disagree with me, this isn't an official list.

 #10 - Halloween II (2009)

"WHITE HORSE (noun): The inclusion of something vague and mysterious in an attempt to be original when really it comes off boring and stupid and serves no purpose on a movie that was doomed from the beginning."

Halloween II was 2009's sequel to Rob Zombie's Halloween that came out in 2007, just short of the franchise's 30th anniversary. It's interesting because Zombie also directed this one, amidst maybe a slight twisting-of-the-arm from the studio powers that be. Because of the pressure to perform, the rushed one-year production schedule and script that was inspired by an acid trip more than a creative spark, Halloween II is a giant mess of nothing. After watching it the first time, I didn't even know what I was watching. I couldn't even comprehend it. It was like each and every scene was made up on the spot and then when it came time to edit the movie, they couldn't figure out what fucking order the scenes went in so they were just tossed in a blender.

Michael Myers

Saying "the story is a mess" would be an insult to the BP oil spill. Instead of one solid flow with intertwining character arcs, we're treated to a series of side-plots that "tie together in the end". By "tie together in the end", I of course mean "confuses you to the point of demanding your money back". Laurie's an emotional wreck because of the events of the first Zombie film. She moves in with the Brackett's because her parents are dead, which Annie can't cope with because "Laurie's weird", which is really something nice to say about your friend who had the same traumatic experience you did. So Annie goes from Laurie's best friend to Laurie's disgruntled roommate who's fed up with her looney tune attitude, all while Sheriff Brackett let the events of the previous film roll of his shoulders like a bad day at work. Meanwhile, Sam Loomis (you know, the lovable doctor from the first films) is rewritten as a dickheaded book salesman who's literally profitting off of the deaths of innocent people. Did you feel that? That was the tremor of Donald Pleasence rolling over in his grave. The only normal character in this movie is Brackett. There's even a dinner scene where he acts like insane Brad Douriff-Chucky and still he seems more normal than either Annie, Laurie, or Loomis.

So yeah, Laurie and Loomis pull the biggest one-eighty as far as how they behave, As I said, they're both traumatized by the events of that Halloween night in Halloween (2007) and both are dealing with it in their own weird, twisted ways. Laurie, for example, went from preppy school girl with post-high school dreams and a bubbly personality to literally being the understudy of Vampira. She wears dark rags, her hair's all greasy, she's clinically insane, she shouts obscenities at her shrink, and when she finds out she's Michael Myers' sister, she goes into a total "I don't care" attitude and starts partying like she wants to die.  Loomis is a giant asshole, on the other hand. After the events of the first film where he was almost killed, he wrote another book discussing the events. The book was released and, in it, Laurie learns that she's the younger sister of Michael Myers, which sends her into her mental downhill slope. Loomis tries to redeem himself at the end of the movie, again trying to reason with Michael before he does something bad, but also trying to keep Laurie from going insane (even though he's a little late to that party).

Laurie Strode takes a dive into the looney bin

The biggest character fuck-up is Michael himself. Michael Myers not only walks around without his mask on most of the time, but also talks (in the unrated edition). What more do you need to hear? They fucked him up. They bent him over a barrel and shoved the folklore right up his ass! Oh, and the white horse bullshit? That's where it comes into play. The movie opens with a young Michael telling his mother that he has a dream during his stay in the looney bin where Deborah, his mother, comes to rescue him from his stay, dressed in all white and leading a white horse down the hallway. For something as simple as a dream, they sure play it up the rest of the way because for the rest of this misadventure, the white horse is referenced...constantly. Older Michael sees visions of his ghostly mother, his younger self, and a white horse everywhere he goes. As far as his iconic mask, it survives the first portion of the movie, in Laurie's dream in the hospital (they're really playing up the dreams, aren't they?), but in the regular world, Michael's mask gets torn up by some stripper he tries to kill, leaving his face half visible. Let me ask; if the point of Michael in this movie was to be groundbreaking and show his face, why did you bother keeping half the mask? If the point was appease the fans by keeping the mask, what was the point of having it get torn up and show part of his face?! You can't have both!

Including Deborah Myers in this movie was a huge mistake. In the first movie, she's a struggling mother dating a horrible, abusive asshole and trying to raise her slutty daughter, her nutcase son, and her soon-to-be crazy newborn. She really had it rough in the movie, and you sympathized with her when her will-to-live took a dive off a cliff, forcing her to kill herself. She was a well-rounded character and done very well. Then when you turn around and include her as a ghostly witch-lady vision of Michael Myers beckoning him to "go home" with her, and "bring Angel with him" (Angel being Laurie's Myers name) and having zero to do with her past-self was shown as nothing more than story cancer and a blatant attempt by Rob to include his wife in this movie. Rob, we get it, you love your wife. She's a sweet woman and beautiful, but even she isn't worth ruining your movies.

The death's are stock and can be over done in the attempt to not look stock. The thing with Rob Zombie is that he likes his gore, which is fine. Gore isn't necessarily the root problem. Let's face it, there's only so many ways you can do gore and have it be fresh and original. Michael slamming the stripper's head into a wall repeatedly? Hilarious! Michael stabbing a nurse repeatedly (and I mean repeatedly) even as Laurie's escaping in her dream? Tedious. Looking at gore over and over again gets pretty dull. Having blood everywhere no longer makes it shocking; it makes the humans look like bloated pinatas that puncture easily and spray their innards everywhere if they step on a thumbtack. One thing's for sure, and that's that every single victim in the Rob Zombie-Halloween-verse has an incredibly low platelet count. Their blood sprays like it's shot out of a water gun. They're like the characters in the original Mortal Kombat. Aside from being overly gruesome, many of them are cheesy to boot. As I said, Michael stabs the nurse in the beginning so many times it almost becomes comical. He bangs the stripper's head into the glass again and again and again and it's awesome but not without being comical.

Captain Clegg and the Night Creatures

At least the art direction is on par. Being Rob Zombie, the design of the film is pretty great. The band "Captain Clegg and the Night Creatures" as well as Uncle Coffins have Zombie written all over them. Everything being back lit by the color red or blue. The movie's a treat to look at, for sure. Then the movie starts happening and you want to look away, so I guess look at it while you can get it. Another great aspect is some of the tense scenes. My favorite scene is when Lynda's dad goes to Loomis's book signing and pulls a gun on him, blaming him for Michael's killing of his daughter. Another scene I like is the beginning during the transfer of Michael's body where the two coroners hit the cow that brings Michael back to life. That's another thing, I liked the two coroners. The movie didn't use them enough. Still, Zombie's oh-so-trivial dialogue about having sex with corpses had to fuck that up too, so take them as you get them I guess. Then there's Weird Al...just because I guess the movie needed some levity. Hey, between Laurie's depression, Loomis's capitalist authoring of books, Annie's bitch factor, Brackett's desperation to keep everything together, Michael's psychotic rampage chasing a horse that isn't there, the bloody, disgusting death scenes and the overall tone of the film...I practically lept off my couch and hugged my TV when I saw him.

Indeed, Halloween II is depressing. Even moreso than Batman Returns. The characters you fell in love with do total personality switcheroos and are no longer relatable or fun or...even heroic. At the end, I don't know who I was supposed to root for. Michael to kill Laurie so she'd finally go away, or Laurie to kill Michael so the white-horse shit would finally end. Loomis being a dickhead profiting off of the deaths of others for 95% percent of the movie only now at the end changing his mind and being Loomis again before he gets killed any way sucked. It took characters you loved and ruined them.

I really can't say anything else without repeating myself. Hell, I've repeated myself so many times already, so I might as well call it here. Halloween II started out promising, paying homage to the previous Halloween II from 1981 by having Laurie's dream in a hospital, and also starting the movie on the same night as the previous film. I like movies that pick up where the previous film leaves off. But once the movie stops following the same night, it takes a total one-eighty and starts blowing major ass. I mean major ass. The characters become laughably cheesy, unGodly annoying, ridiculously depressing or just flat-out too damn incompetent to bare. My love for Sam Loomis takes a nose dive into a mountain when he becomes a narcissistic author profiting off of mayhem and slaughter. Laurie's too depressing to look at, listen to, or even enjoy. I hate everything about this Laurie and really didn't care if she lived or died. I was a bit broken up at Annie's death, but Laurie's? The main fucking character? Didn't care. Michael's obsessed with invisible images others can't see and we wish we couldn't see. They built up the white horse as a centerpiece of the whole story which was a joke to begin with. The white horse thing is like when your friends visit you at your mother's house and start telling the story of something stupid you did and you're just wanting them to shut the hell up before they incriminate you. Halloween II isn't fun, enjoyable and it's most definitely the worst horror movie that I've ever seen. Sure, there are worse ones in terms of quality, but they weren't trying to be taken seriously. This one was, and the end result just makes me laugh my ass off at what a brain-dead mess of nothing it truly is. Skip this one like your life depends on it.

I guess you could say Halloween II...is a horse of a different color? Ba-dum-tsssss

If I could sum up this movie for any non-Halloween fan, it'd be: "Young girl sad. Old man mad. Crazy man bad. The rest is a shit heap."

A Preview of "Ranking the Halloween Movies"

It's the Halloween season. Hipsters are rejoicing at the time when their favorite part of the year has finally arrived. Decorating your houses with images of death, despair, pumpkins, skeletons, black cats, trees, sacrifices, demons, cute little ghosts, orange leaves, football, sweatshirts, pumpkin spice anything, iPhones, Starbucks...wait...

Well anyway, Halloween season is underway. We are just over a month away from the big day itself. As we are well aware, or at least as much as we'd like to be aware, this is the time for horror movies. The type of genre that insults the viewer's intelligence more than a Zack Snyder DC Comics movie. Modern horror movies follow certain criteria; dumb girls, big tits, sex, blood, guts, obscene swearing, and an-all-around lack of attention to common sense. No series tried more to reinvent the horror genre only to fall grip to its vices, while simultaneously representing the season itself, than Halloween.

I already talked about Halloween in my post from a couple years ago, back when I didn't blog much. (Which can be found here). The Halloween franchise features every horror cliche as well as any groundbreaking effort on behalf of unknown directors, actors and writers trying to make names for themselves. The mascot of Halloween, Michael Myers, has become a staple decoration of the season. He's up there the big four of overblown scary-movie franchises: Freddy Krueger of A Nightmare on Elm Street, Jason Voorhees of Friday the 13th, Leatherface of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and yes, Michael Myers of Halloween.

The first Halloween in 1978 started the "slasher genre", or at least kicked it into overdrive. It is defined as any horror movie with a body count. It's incredibly tight, independent-level budget gave it a certain charm that could never be replicated by any of the sequels and remakes. It's presentation had complex characters thrust into a simple story which made for an entertaining ninety-minute foray. Michael Myers stalked babysitters Laurie, Annie and Lynda from the shadows and killed them one-by-one, trying to get to Laurie. All while his mental hospital doctor Sam Loomis sort of stalked him in a way, following him around the whole day and attempting to cease Michael's reign of terror.

Halloween II in 1981 continued where the first movie left off on the very same night. Michael survives six gunshot wounds and continues to stalk Laurie as she attempts to survive her injuries in the hospital. Dr. Loomis, haunted by the fact his patient survived six gunshots, continues to hunt Michael throughout the hospital and attempts to protect Laurie, even going so far as to risk his own career to do so...

Then the franchise switched gears in 1982 with Halloween III: Season of the Witch. The Halloween franchise was envisioned as an episodic anthology series that would be completely unrelated to one another, and Halloween III was the first film in the franchise to kick start the idea. Unfortunately, the plot involving mask makers that look to take Halloween back to its sacrificial roots, all while a doctor named Dan Challis goes on the hunt to solve the mystery of the killings done by the mysterious Silver Shamrock.

When the box-office failure of Halloween III failed to please audiences and confused moreso than entertained, producer Moustapha Akkad rebooted the franchise in 1988 with a new sequel in the Michael Myers-verse, Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers. This stylish and dark entry in the series takes place ten years after the events of Halloween & Halloween II. Michael stalks his niece Jamie while Dr. Loomis, frail and suffering from existing injuries, returns to Haddonfield to protect Jamie from a rejuvenated Michael's wrath.

The immense success of Halloween 4 rushed a sequel into the works. In less than a year, 1989's Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers was out. It featured much of the same plot as 4, and featured Jamie receiving psychic links to Michael that helps Dr. Loomis and the Haddonfield police predict and prevent Michael Myers' crimes. Its cliffhanger ending where Michael is broken out of jail by a mysterious trench-coat wearing gunslinger and Jamie is captured would go unanswered for six years...

In 1995, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers was released. Though the film attempted to wrap up loose ends that 5 left behind, it ultimately didn't meet studio or critical expectations and fell flat. The Halloween franchise, now nearly twenty years old, was falling on blind eyes and deaf ears, and its tactics and cliches were no longer pleasing anyoen.

The series was rebooted once again in 1998, with Halloween H20: Twenty Years Later. Jamie Lee Curtis returned to the franchise as Laurie Strode. The movie ignores the continuity of everything since Halloween II and treats this as Michael's first reappearance in twenty years. Michael returns to the prep school where Laurie teaches and stalks both her and her son. The twist ending left people guessing where the rejuvenated franchise was going to go...

Until 2002 rolled around and Halloween: Resurrection was came out. Halloween Resurrection was an attempt to modernize the series and give it a fresh new perspective by having the Myers house linked up with cameras and having Michael's killing spree broadcast over the internet. While an interesting idea, some of the acting, a lot of the dialogue, and pretty much any situation involving Busta Rhymes is so far over the top its more of a farce than an actual horror movie.

The Halloween franchise would lay dormant over the next five years.  A rumor of a potential Resurrection sequel, Halloween Retribution was rumored, as was Hall9ween. Both were eventually canned in favor of a remake, produced and directed by world-renowned music shockmaster Rob Zombie. Zombie's Halloween in 2007 was not only half a remake of Carpenter's '78 film, but also half of his own thing. It was an interesting mix and it was entertaining to say the least. So much so that unadjusted for inflation, it became the highest grossing Halloween film.

Too bad the same can't be said for Zombie's 2009 sequel, Halloween II. Zombie's Halloween II was so "House of 1000 Corpses" that it really rubbed viewers the wrong way. Involving trippy dream sequences, gothic arthouse imagery, and more of Zombie's music video charm than ever before, Halloween II tried to be similar to Zombie's previous film The Devil's Rejects. It just didn't measure up and really alienated its viewers in all the wrong ways...

With talks of franchise kingpin and founder John Carpenter becoming the executive producer for the next film, tentatively titled Halloween Returns, the possibilities are endless. Carpenter's executive decision over his own creation nearly forty years prior will prove advantageous for sure. In the mean time, prepare yourselves for C-Bass's "Ranking of the Halloween Movies".

COMING EVENTUALLY.

Ranking the Batman Movies: #1 - "Batman" (1989)

Back by long-awaited demand! It's all come down to this!

#1 - Batman (1989)

It's the 1980's. The Superman movies have been derailed by the 'stellar' Superman III, where more emphasis was put on comedy rather than comic book elements, working with even the inclusion of Richard Pryor, much to Christopher Reeve's disapproval. Superman III forced the comic book icon of the past fifty years to share the spotlight one of the best real-life comedians in the world. Really grasp that. Since the downfall of Superman III at the box-office, Christopher Reeve declared himself done with Superman and wanted to focus on more challenging roles. Reeve was brought back with the promise of having story input as well as a sizeable salary and the lead role once again in Superman IV: The Quest for Peace. Production reshoots, shoestring budgets, and a horrific plot revolving around nuclear weapons and international relations made Superman IV an unmitigated disaster. Bombing at the box-office and further crippling the franchise, Superman IV seemed like the death nail in the coffin for comic book movies. It wasn't, naturally. It just felt like it.

On the other side of the DC Comics world, there was Batman. Batman had a classic run in the late-60's with the Adam West TV series Batman. The campy and cheeseball antics on the show permanently aligned themselves with the character, as the Batman on TV of 1970's and early-80's also ran with the flashy gimmicks as well while the comic stayed similar in tone to what it had always been. Then, in 1986, came Frank Miller's dark story of a fifty-five-year-old Bruce Wayne coming out of retirement and facing a dark, dystopian Gotham City landscape and the "Mutant" gang in Batman: The Dark Knight Returns. This four-issue miniseries saw an aged Batman fight and take down the gang of Mutants, kill the Joker, fight the GCPD's new Commissioner who wants him taken into custody, and Superman. Fucking Superman. It's a classic comic-book staple that holds true even to this day, during it's 30th anniversary.

Michael Keaton as Batman

It was no doubt the dark tone and grey scale imagery that inspired newcomer-director Tim Burton to assume the director's chair of the Warner Bros. adaptation of the Batman character. Seeing what he had done in the film Beetlejuice made Warner Bros. confident in their decision. Burton was young, but already had his defining charisma and his notable cinematography. Thus, we got the first big-screen Batman movie in June of 1989, and let me tell you. It still holds up as a timeless classic of motion picture cinema and of comic book cinema.

Michael Keaton was cast as the big-screen's second portrayal of the caped crusader (remember Batman: The Movie), which drew outrage from fans, who felt that Keaton's career as a comedy actor meant that the film would be another attempt at the cheeseball motif the Adam West Batman was notable for. Remember, there was no internet back then, yet fans still petitioned Warner Bros. to rethink their decision. Well, near-thirty years later and our initial interpretation of Keaton's portrayal of Batman was far off. It was about as far off as you can go. Almost as bad as when history repeated itself when Ben Affleck was cast as Batman for Batman v Superman. Keaton's portrayal of Batman was spot-on. I mean he nailed it. He's unassuming and collected as Bruce Wayne to the point where you wouldn't even guess a guy like him would be Batman. The best thing about Keaton's Batman is just how slender and average his physique was. Keaton is man who stands roughly at 5'9 to 5'10 and weights probably a hundred-eighty to a two hundred pounds. Someone of his stature and his quiet, well-reserved mannerisms is the perfect cover up to his alter-ego. Keaton as Batman on the other hand, is just as phenomenal as his Bruce Wayne. As Batman, Keaton is swift and tactical, yet just as quiet and reserved as he is Wayne. His Batman is oddly intimidating, even for a man of shorter stature. He's literally the greatest Batman, in my opinion. Even with all the Batmen that have come since, including the superb rendition that Affleck gave us, Keaton still reigns supreme. There's something about his portrayal that feels so quintessential as Batman. I just remember watching it all those years of my childhood to now, and every time I do I just think "That's how Batman should be done. That's Batman. Ben Affleck does a fantastic Batman impression, but Michael Keaton IS Batman."

Jack Nicholson as the Joker

The yin to Batman's yang. The Joker. For this film, I assumed casting the Joker was no easy task. Turns out it was sort of simple. Burton had secretly always wanted Jack Nicholson to portray the Joker, and Warner Bros. allegedly even used Robin Williams, the famous comedian, as bait to sign Nicholson to the film. Warner Bros. supposedly even signed Williams to the film, and then turned around and told Nicholson that Williams was going to take the role if he didn't, causing Nicholson to sign on. Williams was appalled at being used as bait, resulting in him turning down the opportunity to portray Riddler in Tim Burton's planned Batman 3, which never came to be. Jack Nicholson as the Joker is still a comic-book film highlight and still the standard on which all subsequent Joker's are measured. Even Ledger's, for some reason, which we'll get to in-depth another time. Joker, in this film, starts out as middle-aged gangster Jack Napier, working for crime boss Carl Grissom. When Grissom stages an attempt at espionage at Axis Chemicals and tips off the GCPD in an attempt to kill Napier, Napier falls into a vat of acid and becomes the Joker, a homicidal, theatrical representation of Napier. Joker kills Grissom and assumes control of his operations in Gotham, ultimately staging a mass killing at the Gotham Anniversary Parade, which Batman thwarts. Nicholson's Joker comes off very snarky and intimidating, while also being a goofball lunatic. He's sort of snobby in his persona, always commanding the entire scene whenever he's apart of it, and then doing something completely outlandish and appalling while the focus is entirely on him. It's really a masterful performance. This Joker isn't scary, so much as he is chilling. Nicholson didn't play the Joker up to be a terrorist, so to speak. More so just a very theatrical, mass-murdering Al Capone. Truly unique and a treat.

Tim Burton's Batmobile from Batman and Batman Returns

The supporting cast is very memorable as well. Kim Basinger plays Vicki Vale, who was a common appearance in the comics since her first appearance Batman #49 for Oct/Nov 1948. She's basically a Lois Lane-type who's obsessed with bats, and then later, Bruce Wayne. She finds out through the course of the film (in one of the most controversial scenes) that Bruce is Batman when Alfred takes her into the Batcave. She's later captured by the Joker and saved by Batman in the Cathedral.

Michael Gough and Pat Hingle each star for their first portrayals as Alfred Pennyworth and Commissioner James Gordon. Gordon's character has the most screen-time here. He's the main ringleader in the Gotham City crusade into Axis Chemicals to arrest Jack Napier and he first witnesses Batman. Unlike the comic books however, Gordon and Batman don't form their tight-knit partnership here. It's moreso Gordon knows that what Batman is doing is a form of good and therefore, sort of casually steps out of his way. Batman, in this universe, doesn't share a partnership with solely Gordon. He shares it with the police force as a whole. Michael Gough gives his first of four portrayals as Alfred. Gough's Alfred is the best portrayal of Alfred, in my opinion. He's so warm and caring, and doesn't spew as many long-winded speeches as Michael Caine's Alfred. His speeches are three to five sentences, max. 

The story was written in tribute of Superman: The Movie, in that it doesn't necessarily adapt any story. It more-so adapts the characters created in the general universe. It loosely adapts The Dark Knight Returns, in that it is the second most prominent Batman release with a dark atmosphere. People were used to the Neal Adams representation of the caped crusader throughout the 70s, so things like The Dark Knight Returns and this movie shook stuff up. Basically, the story sort of kicks off like an origin story, beginning with Batman having only been spotted eight times in "just under a month'. Batman shows up amidst a crime boss's stranglehold on the city. However, it's not Batman who overthrows the crime boss, it's in fact the Joker. As the Joker then takes the crime syndicate as his own, Batman rises up from the shadows and does battle with him throughout the streets for Gotham, during the Joker's staged mass execution of the people of Gotham. It's all very well done. It's a great, classic story.

Gotham City skyline, circa 1989

The art-direction goes balls to the wall, as I've probably stated. The gothic, greyscale architecture is truly amazing. The Gotham Cathedral is one of my favorite set pieces, and remains eerie and charming at the same time. The design of the sets, costumes, props and vehicles is stellar, and despite being forever tied to the 1980's, it feels timeless. Burton's Batman's Batmobile is of a timeless design that is often reused or heavily referenced even today. Burton's Batman's Batwing (their take on the Batplane from the comics) is both stylish and intimidating. A giant fighter jet shaped like Bruce Wayne's Bat-emblem shown everywhere; there's even the cheesy scene where it flies in front of the moon for a split second, forming the movie's logo.

Anyway you slice it. Burton's Batman film is a stone-cold classic. It excels in art direction, character development, writing, cinematography, miniatures, acting, the Batman, the Joker; everything. Batman, in my honest opinion, is the greatest single Batman movie released by modern cinema and the measure by which many Batman movies were set to follow. Obviously it seems a little rubbish for me to sit here and be like "Yes, compare all Batman movies to this one that came out nearly thirty years ago, when times were different," but honestly, if it's such a free-standing example on how a Batman movie should be told, then by all means, measure up. Don't replicate, but pay homage. I feel as though Ben Affleck's Batman paid the most homage to Michael Keaton. Obviously, we all know Clooney paid the least, but that's all well and fun. Clooney's a good sport about it.

Well, that was it. I ranked the Batman movies according to my opinion. How will Affleck's solo-Batman flick stand up against those that exist? We will know soon enough. Affleck is the first Batman that gets the right to write and direct his own adventure. No other Batman has had that privilege, so we'll see how it goes. It'll be a fun little experience.

I have no idea what I'm going to do next in my blog. Maybe I'll count down the Batmen? Maybe I'll rank another franchise's movies? Maybe I'll sit here and write my own movie?

A Review of "Ghostbusters" (2016)

So I literally just got back from watching the new Ghostbusters movie, and you can keep your pies, fruits, and other blunt foods/objects in your pocket because...I loved it. That's right, I loved it. Hollywood managed to take the most hated trailer in YouTube history and turn it into a hit comedy, in my eyes at the very least.

The remake-boot-quel Ghostbusters started out in 1991 as Ghostbusters III written by the usual suspects Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis, who played Ray Stantz and Egon Spengler in the original two films, respectively. The movie lost traction after Bill Murray lost interest due to the negative reception received for Ghostbusters II. After a few years on the shelf, Aykroyd and Ramis took their concept to a new direction and the script for Ghostbusters in Hell or Ghostbusters: The Next Generation was conceived. It would involve Stantz and Spengler (and possibly Ernie Hudson as Winston) return to teach the new generation of Ghostbusters. Aykroyd stated how the next generation would be played by the next generation of SNL stars, which in the mid-90's were guys like Chris Rock, David Spade, Adam Sandler and Chris Farley. Once that fell through due to lack of studio support, the project lost more traction and went back on the shelf. By the late-2000's as the cast was aging, Ghostbusters III was brought up again to worldwide ridicule. Many memes and videos were made saying that the cast, as they were then, were just too old to jump into the overalls and go Ghostbusting again. Unfortunately, the untimely death of franchise co-creator and Egon himself, Harold Ramis, in 2014 was the final nail in the coffin for any sort of a straight Ghostbusters sequel involving the original characters. The absolute CLOSEST thing we got was Ghostbusters: The Video Game in 2009. It starred the voices of the four Ghostbusters: Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis and Ernie Hudson, as well as Annie Potts reprising her role as Janine, the Ghostbusters' receptionist. It involved an original story written by Aykroyd and Ramis and Aykroyd has gone on record saying that the video game is "essentially the third movie".

By early-2015 a Ghostbusters reboot was announced boasting a new cast of characters and a new plot totally deviant from the originally-created universe. Fans were on board and anxious to see which stars were cast to play the new Ghostbusters. Turns out, they were women, but the whole situation didn't become wishy-washy until the first full trailer came out. Holy shit. It was like Rebecca Black released a new song. This YouTube trailer got so much hate that I guarantee for every one "like", there were at least seven "dislikes". So, the buildup was pretty hard-nosed to say the least. It drew a lot of heat, claiming that the backlash was due to the misogyny toward the cast being all women. Aykroyd himself even published an interview in April saying how much he loved it, but people still didn't buy it. However, the Angry Video Game Nerd published a video protesting how he would not watch the film for reasons he explains, for instance based on the title being simply "Ghostbusters", saying that it piggybacks on the success of the original film and robs the new generation of the so-called "mandatory need" to see the original. While I am ALL-FOR forcing the younger generations to watch the 1984 Ghostbusters, that doesn't mean they can't watch this one too.

Well the date finally came on July 15th when the world would find out. Reviews started coming out the few days in advance and they weren't really that harsh. At least not as harsh as everyone was expecting. IGN claimed that it was "okay" and Rotten Tomatoes even gave it a 73% critic review, higher than the 57% of Ghostbusters II even. Hell it even got a better reception than even the most anticipated film of 2016, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (which sucks something awful). But enough about that shit, let's get on to what I thought.

L-R: Leslie Jones, Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Wiig and Kate McKinnon
as the new generation of Ghostbusters

I loved it. I'm not saying it's high-art or anything, but as far as being a Ghostbusters movie? It is well-deserving of praise. The cast, to me, was brilliant, and why it feels like it's mimicking the first film in its character portrayals, it really does follow a formula that has been proven to work. You had the dry humor in Kristen Wiig (Bill Murray), the comedic mumbo-jumbo spewing duo in Melissa McCarthy and Kate McKinnon (Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis) and the wise-cracking street-smart humor in Leslie Jones (Ernie Hudson). As far as the Ghostbusters themselves go, the casting was stellar. They did however go a different route with the receptionist. Whereas Annie Potts just said normal things, her comedy came from her over-the-top squeaky New York accent. Chris Hemsworth as Kevin on the other hand, went in a totally different route, going for the dumb-blonde type who just speaks in non-sequiturs to remain involved in the topic at hand.

The plot starts off as your typical Ghostbusters movie. Something spooky happens, cut to opening title with music, cut to introducing Ghostbusters, cut to Ghostbusters investigating first paranormal event, and cut to Ghostbusters become the Ghostbusters. The first third does follow your usual Ghostbusters film, but it does change gears and starts to become a thing of its own after they catch the first ghost.

The comedy was on point and there were many laughs and laughable moments. I can understand how dry humor may not cut it anymore, but this movie went back to the roots of the original and included a bunch of dry humor. Dead-pan expressions that caused ruckus laughter in the theater. Anytime Kristen Wiig and Kate McKinnon had a dialogue, or Melissa McCarthy and Leslie Jones had to react to something, it was always a treat. These women carried the film on their shoulders and each one of them delivered. I don't get the supposed hate that's being leveled here, so I suppose now is when all who were hating the film for including women back-off and say they were hating it for "being a rip-off of the first movie" or some dumb stuff like that. Do us all a favor, don't go riding that high-horse into town. Star Wars: The Force Awakens is the same thing as Star Wars start to finish. This did new things, went new places, tried new things, such as the Ghostbusters' new tools. A proton glove to punch ghosts? Sounded ludicrous when I first heard it, but I loved it.

The ghosts themselves were obviously a step-up visually from the 1984 version, that goes without saying. I'm not just talking  aesthetically, of course, but they were scarier too. I feel like even in the 1984 classic, the ghosts were too cutesty or child-friendly or maybe just didn't intend on scaring anyone because it was a comedy, but I divert that film to the new one. This movie had jump-scares, and it was a comedy. You don't see that too often. There were some expressions or even some overall looks that made me cringe a little bit. I'll admit, I jumped.

...because obviously the movie did have faults. I didn't like Leslie Jones' ghost-grinder thing. Totally eliminated the point of the ghost-capture trap, which is the second-most iconic Ghostbuster tool rather than the proton pack. I did like the Ecto-1 being updated to be a hearse, but I felt like it could've been renamed something else. Seeing as how this film ignores the continuity of the first two films though, Ecto-1 is fitting enough. Also, the new Ghostbusters song sucks. Fall Out Boy hasn't been popular since being a goth-emo-attention-seeker-freak went the way of Napster and Zune, and they of all the other bands in the world get to record the new theme song for Ghostbusters? That's like spending $500,000 on a four-cylinder Nissan shitbox.

VERDICT:
I don't get why the movie was getting crapped on since the beginning. It came out really well. I enjoyed it. It's an excellent addition to the Ghostbusters franchise. The dialogue was entertaining, the actresses nailed each and every one of their parts splendidly, the background characters were enjoyable, the orchestral music did new things whilst paying homage to the old Elmer Bernstein score, and the inclusion of the old Ghostbusters in cameo roles is the cherry on top. It was really a fun adventure. I didn't at all feel like I was watching the first film all over again. I felt like I was watching what I was actually watching; a lovable update for a long-dormant, popular franchise that fans craved and people should enjoy. I'm telling you if you can't enjoy this film, you're either a misogynist (or logically), you're probably just someone who has trouble enjoying things that are fun and quirky.

Besides, you're gonna tell me Ghostbusters II wasn't the exact same plot as the first movie?

Ranking the Batman Movies: #2 - "The Dark Knight" (2008)

Well here it is. The most-anticipated one.

#2 - The Dark Knight (2008)

The final Christopher Nolan entry on our list, and his second Bat-flick. The Dark Knight is a milestone for how comic book movies should be made. When the film was being made during 2007, there was an intense amount of hype that was being stirred all over the internet. The first Joker image that was released sent the internet into a frenzy for how dark and mysterious this take on the character was going to be, and many people were wondering if the movie was even going to top Batman Begins. Little did we know...

Heath Ledger in his Oscar-winning performance as the Joker

Christian Bale is back for his second portrayal of Bruce Wayne / Batman. His performance comes off as very sophisticated and well-aware of Batman's behavior and operation tactics. His Bruce Wayne is still very cunning but in a profound way. His Batman scenes are very action packed, and the fight-choreography is stellar and to-the-point. Much of the fights don't last long, but I think that aids the movie greatly. My only gripe is the voice. Sweet Jesus, his voice. Remember Batman Begins? How the voice was growly, but not that growly> Well, the guy in post-production in charge of dubbing and altering Bale's Batman voice for The Dark Knight needs to be fired. The point of Batman's voice is to: 1) Ensure the vocal difference between himself and Bruce Wayne and 2) to be intimidating and to inspire fear in his interrogations. Here, it got way over the top. This film is responsible for the whole "let's mock Batman's growly voice" YouTube craze of 2008 onward. Before you knew it, every ten-year-old kid who gets a camera for Christmas becomes a popular YouTuber because he uploads a two-minute video of himself snarling lines from the movie. It quite honestly sounds like Batman swallowed a cactus and couldn't quite get it back out of his throat.

...but we've talked about Bale's Batman three times now. I know what you're waiting for. Heath Ledger as the Joker. I referenced his portrayal in a couple previous posts and now we've finally gotten to it. I know I was initially skeptical. When they announced that Heath Ledger was going to portray the Joker, I was like "The guy that made out with Jake Gyllenhaal in Brokeback Mountain?" Well, much to mine and everyone else's surprise, Ledger took the role, ran with it, dunked it down court, inbounded it to the rival team, stole it, drove it back down court, and drained a three-pointer. The amount of charisma and drive that's being displayed on screen is mind-boggling. Ledger invented a whole new Joker by piecing together different characteristics of other Joker's that had been done. He truly made the role and the performance his own. There's no other Joker performance like his. Joker was originally brought in as a homicidal maniac, then by the 70's he had become a bumbling oaf that was played up for laughs, and by the 90's he was a homicidal madman again. This portrayal took the homicidal madman characteristic and jacked it up to eleven. Ledger was all over the board and so unpredictable that you genuinely couldn't take your eyes off of the screen whenever he's doing something. Even if he's doing or saying something really traumatizing, it was still enticing to watch. The scene where he's captured a Batman impersonator and he's interrogating him is so unsettling and unnerving but dozens of people can quote the scene verbatim they love it so. When I said the Batman growly voice inspired countless YouTube parodies, there must be six hundred and seventy-two Joker parody videos for every one Batman parody video. Joker parody videos are everywhere. Everyone wanted their chance to deliver their own Ledger impression. Some are great, some are pretty laughable.

Aaron Eckhart as Harvey Dent / Two-Face

The side characters are pretty great. Aaron Eckhart portrays Harvey Dent and later Two-Face. He's the district attorney that competes with Bruce for Rachel's heart who gets horribly scarred by the Joker's attack and becomes a vigilante with a literal "split" personality. Rachel got swapped from Katie Holmes to Maggie Gyllenhaal for reasons that are currently unknown to me. Huh, how about that? Heath terrorizes Maggie in The Dark Knight but makes out with Jake in Brokeback Mountain. I would say that's irony, but that's not what irony is. In this movie Rachel is essentially just there for emotional gravity. Without her, there'd barely be any emotion in the story. It'd just be Joker's chaos that Batman would have to fix. Last, but not least, the main three supporting characters are all stellar in their own right. Michael Caine does his usual phenomenal job as Alfred, spewing entire speeches with the last line of the speech supposedly being a piece of advice. Morgan Freeman is excellent as Lucius Fox, subtly delivering jabs at Bruce as well as his tech and his savvy. Gary Oldman gives the outright greatest Commissioner Gordon performance in the history of Bat-Cinema. I'm seriously in shock at how Gary Oldman got shafted for at least an Oscar nomination. I know in the past he's done some weird movies and some box office stinkers, but good God, he is so good in this movie. His determination to aid Batman in ending the Joker, his intense drive to stop all of the chaos. He's so good. As much as I love Pat Hingle's Commissioner Gordon, Oldman's is far superior and this movie was no exception to that.

Gary Oldman returns as Commissioner James Gordon

The story is superb. It really is. David S. Goyer really outdid himself, and his phenomenal story made even better by Christopher and Jonathan Nolan's full screenplay really can't be matched. The Dark Knight somehow managed to make the realism of the Nolan Bat-universe and make it still feel like you're reading a comic book. Each and every scene carries over to the next bit of story splendidly. From going to China to get Lao, Wayne's gala that turns into a night of terror for Gotham that sees Commissioner Loeb's death, followed by his funeral that also turns into an assassination attempt by the Joker, that leads to Harvey Dent's first bout of vigilantism before becoming Two-Face. It all just flows so well from one major event to the next that by the time you make it to the end of the movie with the two boats ready to be blown up by the Joker, you're practically worn out. The Joker has emotionally stretched you to your limits. My only gripe relating to the story is the run time. You'd think that since this movie's a sequel that doesn't involve an origin story of any kind, it'd be a little shorter than the two hour, twenty minute Batman Begins, but no! It's actually slightly longer at two hours, thirty-two minutes. I guess that's fine, because it is a beautiful use of the two hours, thirty-two minutes. Still, The Dark Knight Rises got carried away with two hours, forty-five minutes, but I digress...

Any way you slice it, The Dark Knight is a superb Batman movie. You could be a new-age kid that hates the new movies or a retro-phile that just digs the old movies, and yet you still can't hate on The Dark Knight. The cast is perfect with supporting characters that are just as interesting to follow as the main characters. All of the characters make defining arcs and have glorious or tragic payoffs, all of which are welcome. Take that and have it have a realistic setting with definable characteristics in a relatable environment, you have got yourself the perfect Batman movie. A villain to be feared has to be conquered after the hero has to overcome obstacles placed in front of him. The classic formula for an awe-inspiring adventure.

Ranking the Batman Movies: #3 - "Batman: Mask of the Phantasm" (1993)

What's that? An animated movie made it onto the list? That's right, this is...

#3 - Batman: Mask of the Phantasm (1993)

Batman: Mask of the Phantasm came out as Batman: The Animated Series was continuing to set new standards and dominate children's television. Which is weird because the series was made just as much for adults as it was for kids. Batman: The Animated Series continues to be the standard which any-and-all Batman-related animated media is compared to and graded.

Batman, voiced by Kevin Conroy

What makes the series so great? While the noire-style animation and color palette makes for a truly euphoric trip into Gotham City, it really is the voice cast that makes this series one of the greatest superhero animated series, if not the best. Kevin Conroy voices Bruce Wayne/Batman, and because of his commanding vocal presence, has been doing so for just about twenty-five years. Conroy's deep voice and intimidating speech commands the audience's attention whenever he's on screen. His "I don't take any bullshit" mannerisms has become the standard for the Batman character. Not many actors preceded him, so Conroy gets a hell of a lot of well-deserved credit for creating his own Batman. Opposite Conroy in the series is a slew of talented voice actors who voice Batman's impressive repertoire of supervillains. It goes without saying that while characters like the Two-Face, voiced by Richard Moll, and the Penguin, voiced by Paul Williams, are both awesome to watch and listen to, there's only one that everyone falls back on. Even the other voice actors can't help but bow and pay tribute to his presence: Mark Hamill as the Joker. When Mark Hamill first came on board as the Joker, people had to be skeptical? What? The awkward actor from Star Wars? He's gonna be our Joker? Yes. Jesus Christ, yes. Hamill's Joker is just too great to ever be topped.

So what about Mask of the Phantasm? Well while remaining true to the standards and mythos set up by The Animated Series, Mask of the Phantasm tells an amazing story. It includes its own original villain and characters as well as incorporates characters from Batman's storied history. Everything about the movie came into place perfectly. Kevin Conroy is phenomenal as both the seasoned veteran Batman, as well as the young and hungry Bruce Wayne in the flashback scenes. He does well at demonstrating the eagerness to become a crimefighter in Gotham City. 

Andrea Beaumont killing as the Phantasm

Another main character is Andrea Beaumont, played by Dana Delaney. She's the voice actress who made the animated Superman series' Lois Lane so bossy and she's the main love interest in the movie. She's an important person in Bruce's past that almost caused him to cease his career as a crime fighter. They just happened to stumble onto one another at the cemetery and boom! Romantic couple. I know I'm sucking a lot of the emotion out of it, but it really is heavy. Bruce can't bear to watch crime happen in his city, leading to a scene where he takes on a motorcycle gang during a date. They even get so in love that Bruce proposes and intends to marry her. She agrees and they celebrate, but soon her father Carl, voiced by Stacy Keach, runs afoul with the mafia and they both have to flee town, leading to her immediate and painful exodus from Bruce's life. This throws Bruce into a flux of turmoil, ultimately leading him to resume his war on crime as the Batman. In the present, she returns to Gotham as ***SPOILER*** the Phantasm, a ghostly apparition that comes to life out of the fog to seek revenge by murdering the mafia conspirators that killed her father. The Phantasm is one of the creepiest and coolest Batman villains ever created. I only wish more storylines since then have included him/her. When he appears out of the mist, and a deep, bone-rattling voice calls "Your Angel of Death Awaits..." it's so fucking cool. His kill scenes are artsy, creative, and chilling. Buzz Bronski's death scene in the cemetery feels like it's straight out of a horror movie, but that's what makes it awesome. Now, Bruce (as Batman) must grapple with the fact that is long-lost love is back in town as the Phantasm and must fight within himself whether or not to end her quest for vengeance or stand aside and let her commit these atrocities, knowing her pain and suffering and also feeling anger for the mob ruining not just Andrea's chance at happiness, but his as well.

Batman and Andrea's love/hate relationship is made even worse by the other main villain; Mark Hamill's Joker. This is when Hamill was still fresh to the role, so the Joker has a lot of energy and is very upbeat in the film. His dialogue is witty but unnerving and his laughter is extremely boisterous. Not like later where you could tell that while the energy was there, Hamill's voice was more choked out and weaker. The Joker steals the show and is often the most quotable character from the movie. I find myself quoting his phone call with Batman scene many times with how utterly ludicrous he says things. The scene where he tortures Arthur Reeves and cripples his psyche is also so awesome yet mildly unsettling, maybe even terrifying. The part where his laughter builds and builds while he tortures him is so shocking I'm surprised it even got kept in the movie...you know, for kids! He's even kind of creepy toying with a robotic chef that he even hits on a little. I find it highly irregular for a kid's movie that the Joker makes these and other sexual references. He talks about Andrea being the "spawn of her father's loins", pinning Andrea down in their fight in a rather provocative manner, about how much it sucks "getting in the mood just when company shows up", and even being hinted at that he pinches his robo-maid's buttocks, frequently pulling the rubber skin off of her.

Bob Hastings and Efrem Zimbalist, Jr. reprise their Animated Series roles as Commissioner Gordon and Alfred Pennyworth. Alfred's role is expanded on quite a bit in Bruce's flashback scenes, but Gordon's kind of cut short here. There isn't much screentime to be had for him.

The Joker interrogates/tortures Arthur Reeves

Batman: Mask in the Phantasm excels in almost all aspects. I already mentioned the gravity of the story and how much it's stellar, so we'll move on from that. Another reason is the voice cast and the acting. The well-acted dialogue keeps one attentive and receptive to what's going on. Being an animated movie, you'd think the acting would be toned down and maybe even a little hokey, but it isn't. It's played up extremely well. Every voice actor brings their A-game. As stated, this movie has an A-list cast. Kevin Conroy, Mark Hamill, Dana Delaney, Robert Costanzo, Bob Hastings, Efrem Zimablist, Jr., with appearances by Stacy Keach and Abe Vigoda as well. The acting is truly superb! Couple that with the animation, which is a step-up from the Animated Series. It's fluent, smooth and colorfully representative of the universe it resides in. Pile on the masterful score the film comes with. The opening theme is excellently done and continues to be commonly played by me either on YouTube or when I'm watching the movie itself. The music gets spine-tingling whenever the Phantasm appears and goes for the kill. It even stays oddly celebratory but also mournful when Bruce first puts on the cape-and-cowl in a flashback. Take all of that and mix-in the very adult themes of the story and characters. Like I said, the Joker got pretty crazy with his oddball sex references, but there's also the violence. The violence is pretty intense for a kid's film. A man gets killed flying from one building into another, a man is crushed by a cemetery statue, a man is mummified by the Joker (which is terrifying) and then rigged to explode, demolishing an entire building.

I really can't say anymore that you won't see for yourself. Batman: Mask of the Phantasm is the single-greatest animated Batman feature film. Sub-Zero would be good, but it just feels too much like an Animated Series two-part episode. This feels more like a standalone Batman film and it's awesome in almost every way. I recommend checking it out if you haven't. There's no way you can be disappointed in it. Everything about it will drop your jaw and keep you coming back for more. The characters, the score, the themes, the dialogue, the acting; all superb. Truly an animated masterpiece of cinema.

Ranking the Batman Movies: #4 - "Batman Returns" (1992)

As we continue the Bat-countdown, we hit the second of Tim Burton's two entries...

#4 - Batman Returns (1992)

Batman Returns was released in 1992. Immediately following the immense success of Batman, Tim Burton was given the green light from Warner Bros. to go as insane as he wanted. He was given free range and less-than-no studio interference to produce whatever Batman film he wished to produce.

Michael Keaton as Batman

In his second portrayal of the dark knight, Michael Keaton does his usual phenomenal job of capturing the very yin-yang personalities of both Batman and Bruce Wayne. As Batman, he's very cunning and sinister while still remaining the hero. As Bruce Wayne, he's very boisterous and commanding but also still very timid and reserved. I won't get to it until we reach Batman, but let me just say that there's a reason why Michael Keaton is the master of portraying Batman.

Let's cover the villains, because this movie has three of them. First, there's the main villain; Oswald Cobblepot AKA The Penguin, played by Danny DeVito. The Penguin is an odd character in this movie. Aside from being a clone of Edward Scissorhands in a way, he's a very, very mixed bag. He's extremely fun to watch and commands the presence of the entire screen for his speech, but he's also kinda gross to look at. I'm sure that was their intention, but there's just something about him that seems off. While he's creative with his portrayal of the Batman mythos, Tim Burton sort of got carried away here. I can understand wanting to shock the people, but it got a little out of hand. In the film, the Penguin attacks (possibly eats) a cat as a child, he plots to kidnap and murder children by drowning them in a vat of toxic waste, he chews off the nose of somebody hired to help his mayoral campaign, chews food very vigorously with an open mouth, and spits a black liquid whenever he talks. While his dialogue is fantastic and his on-screen banter with several characters is insanely quotable, much of his physical appearance or his mannerisms for enacting social chaos are very wishy-washy and of an acquired taste not many Bat-fans have. When he's not being gross, he's one of the best characters in the Batman franchise.

Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman

Joining him is Michelle Pfeiffer as Selina Kyle AKA Catwoman. I take my hat off to Tim Burton. He really succeeded in nailing the Catwoman character. Even Catwoman's costume is on point, being a crudely-stapled together latex, full-body suit. Still, she does have her negative characteristics. Speaking purely from a parental standpoint, she does, at times, come off highly sexual. While Burton's two Batman films were made for adults as much for kids, you still have to remember that many more children are going to flock to the theater to catch a Batman movie than adults. She also speaks in like a constant-orgasm voice. Always stretching the vowels like she's having the time of her life. Plus she gets Burton-weird when she starts behaving like a cat, giving herself a tongue bath and rolling around in kitty litter. It's awesome, but not without being fuckin' strange as hell.

Finally, we come to the best villain in my opinion. Max Schreck, played by Christopher Walken. If the Penguin and Catwoman had any downfalls, Max Schreck more than makes up for them. Being a sideline villain, Walken does his usual shtick and steals the show. His goofy line delivery that only he can do carries over even to this film. There's a scene where Max pushes Selina out of a window and in that scene alone, Walken has three our four incredibly funny yet terrifying lines. Walken is able to portray this character as such, somebody who can be witty and unassuming while carrying nasty, sometimes deadly secret intentions. Max Schreck steals the scene no matter what's going on around him. Easily one of the best original Batman characters ever put on film.

Danny DeVito as the Penguin

Rounding out the background characters are Alfred and Commissioner Gordon, played by Michael Gough and Pat Hingle, respectively. While Michael Gough does another fine job as Alfred, Commissioner Gordon is kind of robbed as he's not in the movie very much. He's in it a lot less than in Batman, and it would only get worse as he's barely in Batman Forever, and then hardly ever seen in Batman & Robin.

A lot of people consider Batman Returns to be the black sheep of the Batman filmography. While I do personally enjoy the film and enjoy it more and more with each repeated viewing, this movie is far from perfect. The HUGE problem with Batman Returns can almost certainly be pointed at Tim Burton, himself. After Batman, Burton took a breather from Batfilms to direct and produce Edward Scissorhands, a movie about a sad misfit who's looking to fit in in an society that doesn't seem to accept him. Why am I telling you this? Because Batman Returns is essentially the exact same story, just with obvious changes. Batman Returns is a weird Batman movie. Aside from being overtly violent and off-putting as a whole and then sort of boring when nothing Batman-related is going on, it never really feels like a Batman movie. Why? Because it's Edward Scissorhands, just with DeVito's Penguin being Edward. That's right. Batman isn't even the main character in this movie. He may be marketed as the main character, but he's not. Penguin is the main character. Oswald Cobblepot gets the most story and the most character development. Bruce Wayne and Batman get the shaft to one of his villains. I know a similar argument can be made for Heath Ledger's Joker in The Dark Knight about how he's the bigger character, but Batman in that movie isn't fully given the shaft. Here, he is. He has almost nothing to do. He just mopes around his mansion until there's evil to be fought. 

Christopher Walken as Max Schreck

This all stems from the movie just being conceived to be too dark. I know that's weird given some of the graphic novels that exist and even some of the movies that are out now, but being only the second (or third) major Batman film released in theaters, it's pretty messed up. There are scenes of children being kidnapped with the intent to murder them, scenes depicting Penguin's neglectful parents, violent bloodshed at the hands of Catwoman, and Penguin bleeding profusely by the film's climax. Countless accounts of the film's screenings in 1992 have told of children crying their eyes out once the lights come up and parents yelling at theater staff being outraged at how tragic and unhappy the tone was for their kids. McDonald's even was forced to pull their Happy Meals promotion following a protest campaign by parents angry at the movie's nature. The movie sparked a major backlash and the studio was unwilling or unable to handle all of the negative reception it was getting, despite being a moderate box office success. This led to the decision to bar Tim Burton from having anything executive to do with future Batman films, effectively terminating his would-be directed film Batman 3. Warner Bros. would make the decision to correct for the negative reception of Batman Returns by ensuring that the next film would be far more kid friendly and marketable to all ages, hence how we got Batman Forever.

In my opinion, Batman Returns is okay. It's art direction is severely underrated and superb and the acting is truly a treat, but the story being recycled from Edward Scissorhands slapped with a Batman license, the grotesque nature of the violence and the tragic tone of the film's three main characters really does alienate a lot of people. In the end, it is in no means a "happy" film. The movie ends with the Penguin and Max Schreck dying, Selina disappearing (only to be teased at the end for a return in Batman 3 that never happens) and Bruce returns to the manor just as alone as he was in the beginning of the film. It is almost certainly depressing, really. Still, it carries the Batman moniker and because of that, it's got marquee value. It's action sequences are entertaining and Michael Keaton delivers his usual fine performance as the caped crusader, so it's still worth watching. Just don't expect to be really happy or overjoyed with the results.