Halloween: The Night He Came Home...

It's that wonderful time again. Black cats, goblins, ghouls and vampires; a lot of the emo kids and kids with problems will tell you that this is their favorite time of year. Me? I enjoy the leaves, the ambience that horror movies allow, and football.

Michael Myers

In going to the horror movie aspect, you can't have a single horror movie marathon without including at least one of the Halloween films. These films set the archetype for horror films for both me personally and for the horror film-going public. In fact, the original Halloween set the stage for what would later become the "slasher" genre. (For those who don't know, "slasher" films are horror films with a body count).

Anywho, for this year's Halloween, I've taken it upon myself to go ahead and do a quick rundown of the Halloween films. Next year I'm thinking about doing in depth reviews of them, but for now since it's the last day of the horror movie season, I'll just stick with...let's say a countdown of which ones I think are best. I'll split them up into the "5 worth watching" and the "5 worth hating". Let's get this going! 

5 "Halloween" Films Worth Watching

1. Halloween

Release date: October 25th, 1978

Directed by: John Carpenter

I mean, right? How can you watch the Halloween films without including the classic that started it all? The original Halloween, as stated, set the bar for how slasher movies should be done. Set in a rural mid-western town on Halloween night, it perfectly sets the tone for the night that's about to go to hell. I won't go too much into the story, I'll save that for a detailed review next year. The film stars Jamie Lee Curtis in her first film role, and as well as Donald Pleasence. The film tells the story of Michael Myers, a six-year old who slaughters his sister Judith on Halloween night, 1963 and how on 1978, he escapes captivity to return home to Haddonfield to kill again. Fantastic start to the series.

Donald Pleasence as Dr. Samuel Loomis

2. Halloween II

Release date: October 30th, 1981

Directed by: Rick Rosenthal

The sequel, Halloween II released in 1981 takes place on the same Halloween night as the first movie. In fact, it was marketed as "More of the night he came home". Jamie Lee Curtis and Donald Pleasence return to their respective roles as Laurie Strode and Dr. Samuel Loomis. While Laurie is transferred to the Haddonfield Hospital to recuperate from her injuries sustained in the first film, Loomis leads a town-wide manhunt in search for Michael. It's a fantastic entry in the series and leaves you wanting more.

3. Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers

Release date: October 21st, 1988

Directed by: Dwight H. Little

The third sequel in the series brings back Michael Myers for the 10th anniversary of the first murders in 1978. After the commercial failure of Halloween III: Season of the Witch, which attempted to take the series in a new direction, Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers was produced and released more as appeasement to the fans than anything. Donald Pleasence returns as Dr. Loomis, still on the hunt for ending Myers. Jamie Lee Curtis wasn't brought back, so producers hired young Danielle Harris as Jamie Lloyd, Michael's niece and new target. Fortunately for the producers, the movie was instantly regarded by many (myself included) as one of the greatest in the series. The ambiance of the movie, the chilling score, and the atmosphere of the quiet town makes for a great fright fest. The 80's was such a great time for horror movies.

4. Halloween III: The Season of the Witch

Release date: October 22nd, 1982

Directed by: Tommy Lee Wallace

Say whaaat? Halloween III? That's right, and here's why. Just last Halloween only, I caught it on TV, and I was hooked. Not to the point where I'd run out and buy a copy of it, but it wasn't as awful as people make it out to be. "What? No Michael Myers? BURN IT!" On the contrary, I enjoyed this one. Its its own thing. What had happened was during the production of Halloween II, the producers decided to turn Halloween into a horror anthology series, such as the Tales of the Crypt comic books. It was a great idea, and because of that, we got Halloween III. 

5. Halloween

Release date: August 31st, 2007

Directed by: Rob Zombie

When word came around the grapevine that they were going to produce a remake of Halloween, I was skeptical and upset. I never thought for a second that the remake was going to be anything special. When I heard Rob Zombie was named the director for it, I got a little better. The director of The Devil's Rejects remaking one of my favorite horror films? How could it go wrong? You got Malcolm McDowell playing Dr. Loomis and Brad Dourif as Sheriff Brackett. Well it didn't. Rob Zombie's Halloween is one of the best horror remakes you could ask for. Sure, there are some goofy things in it and some stupid things but still, it really could've been a hell of a lot worse. Still, when I do a detailed review later, I'll give you the 4-1-1 on what it is. For now, I say watch it.

5 "Halloween" Films Worth Hating

1. Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers

Release date: October 13th, 1989

Directed by: Dominique Othenin-Girard

Halloween 4 was a such a great success upon release, that the producers rushed the next sequel into production and had it out less than a year later...and believe me, it looks like something I'd turn in for homework, it's got such a bad "rushed feeling". Donald Pleasence is back for his fourth round as Dr. Loomis, and Danielle Harris returns as Jamie Lloyd. This movie takes place exactly one year after the events of Halloween 4. Michael continues to hunt Jamie, but now, a mysterious man in black shows up in Haddonfield and starts following Michael and Loomis around. The ending is horrifically ambiguous, and just sets up another sequel. Without going too much into detail, let me just say this: You can watch this one. After all, it's one I own. Just know, to both the common Halloween film and the average film goer, it'll be nothing special.

2. Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers

Release date: September 29th, 1995

Directed by: Joe Chappelle

The sixth film in the series is often considered, especially by me, to be the second-worst or worst (depending on who you talk to) entry in the series. Released six years after Halloween 5, Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers tries its damnedest to follow up on the previous film's ambiguous ending, and fails. It doesn't fail miserably, but let's just say the first time the film was test-screened, the studio hated it so much it was put back into production with orders to film new scenes and completely change the plot. Donald Pleasence, frail as he was, returned for the fifth and final time as Dr. Loomis. When the film was ordered into reshoots, Pleasence died before reshoots were to commence, so the studio had no choice but to use existing footage and awkwardly cram it into the film. So the film is half what it was supposed to be, half what the studio tried changing it to. It creates a jumbled, confusing mess that solves next to nothing in the mythos. I know there's more to talk about...next time...For now though, skip it.

3. Halloween H20: Twenty Years Later

Release date: August 5th, 1998

Directed by: Steve Miner

Despite the fact Donald Pleasence died, the studio pressed on and another sequel was commenced. This time, they were able to convince Jamie Lee Curtis, star of Halloween and Halloween II, to return to the series. The film also marks the first time a Michael Myers-centered film didn't take place in Haddonfield. Instead, it takes place in a boarding school in California. Michael's mask looks utterly stupid in this film, but it's totally overlooked by the fact that Laurie is back and kicks so much ass. This time, they also tried an ending that would end the series for good. By the time the 90's began (certainly by 1998), the cheesy 80's slasher genre had become tired and stale. Halloween H20 was no better off than any of the other Friday the 13th or Nightmare on Elm Street sequels coming out at the time, and because of that, while being a financial success, the film was panned by both critics and group of fans. I say give it a try, but don't expect too much.

4. Halloween: Resurrection

Release date: July 12th, 2002

Directed by: Rick Rosenthal

Even though they tried to end the series with Halloween H20, this partial abortion known as Halloween: Resurrection still found its way to theaters. Released the same year as Jason X, proving that 80's slasher genres had now completely given up, Halloween: Resurrection tried to be a lot, and failed. It added an MTV-style reality show touch to it, it had both Busta Rhymes and Tyra Banks in it, and it featured a fresh new cast with no ties to the original films. Except of course Jamie Lee Curtis' cameo in the beginning with her fourth roundabout as Laurie Strode. She's killed. Yep, that's right. She stars in the first ten minutes, just to be whacked. It's not fair to her character, but you know...Hollywood's nothing more than cum-guzzling whore at this point. I'd say skip this one...skip it or just watch it whilst treating it as a spoof.

5. Halloween II

Release date: August 28th, 2009

Directed by: Rob Zombie

I'm still not exactly sure how Rob Zombie found it in himself to make one of the best horror remakes in film history with Halloween, and then make a sequel to it that sucked so much ass, we treat Halloween II as a partial abortion we had to finish off. I know that's sick and morbid, but there's nothing even remotely cheerful about this film. The story is depressing, the characters are depressing, and even the ending doesn't solve any of it. It's just a giant, depressing crap fest. The principal actors from the first film return, but that only helps slightly. If none of the actors from the first film were there, I probably wouldn't even count this movie as a Halloween movie, nor would I even consider it worth watching. I mean, all Laurie does is cry, all Annie does is die, all Loomis does is turn into a conning bullshit artist, and Brackett is the guy there trying to keep it all together. Then there's the whole "White horse" bullshit that makes the film feel like an acid trip. The movie just tries to be far too many things. It just doesn't work. The things it tries to be don't mesh well together. Just skip this one. Skip it for the love of humanity.

Terminator: Genisys = WTF?!

Well, I have to write about something real quick. Today, plot details of the upcoming reboot to the Terminator franchise, Terminator: Genisys, were revealed in Entertainment Weekly. Rather than try to give you my perspective, I'm going to paste exactly what was said down below for you to read:

"Sarah Connor isn't the innocent she was when Linda Hamilton first sported feathered hair and acid-washed jeans in the role. Nor is she Hamilton's steely zero body-fat warrior in 1991's T2. Rather, the mother of humanity's messiah was orphaned by a Terminator at age 9. Since then, she's been raised by (brace yourself) Schwarzenegger's Terminator—an older T-800 she calls "Pops"—who is programmed to guard rather than to kill. As a result, Sarah is a highly trained antisocial recluse who's great with a sniper rifle but not so skilled at the nuances of human emotion."

I hope you got that. Take a moment to breathe that in. Let it roll around in your mind like a tin can on a wobbly table.

Because I plan to do a more detailed review sometime in the future, I'll attempt to keep this brief. Basically, in 1984's sci-fi classic The Terminator, Sarah Connor was your average 20-something living day-to-day for corporate gain. Now a mysterious robot shows up from the future to kill her. Plot ensues.

Linda Hamilton as Sarah Connor in The Terminator

Now, us Terminator fans (that is fans of James Cameron's films and haters of everything that came later), know that John Connor is the savior of humankind in the films. So, when you say that Sarah Connor, the mother of the savior, is now supposedly being cared for by fucking T-800s, which leads us to realize that now she knows about the Terminators all along, downright hoses all over the mythology of the original films. In the first film, Sarah is astounded to learn of the horrific events coming in the near future. Kyle Reese, the soldier sent to protect her, tells her of everything bad that's going to happen. It's genuinely like "Woah, shit. This is bad..."

Now, Sarah already knows of and is accepting of the cyborgs from the future. Now instead of a fun-loving, hard working girl, she's been downgraded to a nutcase recluse with a sniper-rifle. I guess they're trying to recreate Sarah Connor from Terminator 2: Judgment Day but even she showed some compassion then, even as a battle-hardened mother of the future. Now she emulates after the behavior of her Terminator "father". Ugh, fuck! I hate saying that, but yeah, says right up in the quote that she's "not so skilled at the nuances of human emotion". So they've turned her into an emotionless drone...fuck off? I don't know. It'll be "interesting" to see that train wreck when it comes out.

In conclusion, what do I think? I think it is an awful idea to change the entire canon of the franchise, especially when it alters the entire premise of the original movie. Basically, the franchise, in my eyes, is pulling a Star Trek. Erasing what has been done to make way for this fresh load of bullshit. Whereas the new Star Trek movies are great, enjoyable movies, this one I feel is going to crash and burn.

A Bill & Ted retrospect, Part I: "The Excellent Adventure"

One movie that sticks out in my mind as a classic in every sense of the word, is surprisingly a movie that not a lot of people bring up, yet I'm sure a lot of have seen. "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure".

Now, why is that movie considered such a revered classic in my eyes? Well, just look at it. I mean, the movie has everything going for it, and nothing. Depending on how you look at movies, it can either be ninety minutes of pure confusing boredom or ninety minutes of the greatest thing since "Citizen Kane". The plot, the characters, the soundtrack; it all is on par with the 80's, a decade that defined America, even to this day. The movie is truly one that has to be seen to be believed. So, anyway, let me walk you through why.

Bill & Ted (Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves)

THE PLOT:
The plot revolves around two high school students of San Dimas, CA; William "Bill" S. Preston, Esquire, played by Alex Winter, and his best friend Theodore "Ted" Logan, played by none other than Keanu Reeves. Together, the two learn that they're failing a class, American history. They also learn through Ted's dad, Capt. Logan, that if they fail history they flunk out of their school. (I don't know, I guess that they were failing pretty much all the other classes). Now, in a wild turn of events, a man arrives in a time-traveling phone booth from the future and tells them that the future is built on the rock band that Bill and Ted have created, "Wyld Stallyns", and that with their break up imminent, the future the man knows will cease to exist, creating a darker and hellish future in its place. The man is known simply as "Rufus", played by the funniest man in the history of the universe, George Carlin. You see, if Ted fails his history class, his father has elected to send Ted to military school up in Alaska, so it adds to the urgency that they have to try their hardest to ace this history class. The history class decides to set up final presentations in the form of giant speeches that determines the students' grades by their performances on these final speeches. The topic of the speech:

"Express to the class how an important historical figure from each of your time periods would view the world of San Dimas, 1988". 

So, Rufus sends a time-traveling phone booth back to Bill and Ted and they embark on a history through time to collect some of history's most important figures and bring them to the present day to aid them in their speech (The "final report" as it is often referred in the film).

THE CHARACTERS:
Obviously, you have Bill & Ted. These two are the quintessential high school surfer-stoners often seen in the movies of the 80's. They look stupid and they act stupid, but it seems so fresh in this flick because of the fact there's two of them. Fast Times at Ridgemont High? Only Spicoli. The Breakfast Club? Only Bender. The fact that we have two Spicolis works so well. They bounce jokes off each other like it's nothing. Just imagine two Spicolis talking to each other.

George Carlin as Rufus

Aside from Bill and Ted, you have the cast of historical figures. You have Napoleon Bonaparte, Sigmund Freud, Socrates, Billy the Kidd, Genghis Khan, Joan of Arc, Beethoven, and Abraham Lincoln, all played by actors who really represent how they'd behave in 1988 California. It's pretty sick, and soon you forget you're watching a bunch of actors. You start to really think that this movie used the historical figures themselves. After them, you just essentially have the supporting cast of Capt. Logan (Ted's dad), Missy (Bill's stepmom), Deacon (Ted's brother), and Mr. Ryan (Bill and Ted's history teacher).

The characters all really work well with one another. For instance, the historical figures all react well when placed in situations together. At first they act like they would in their respective time periods, but soon they all mesh when it comes to Bill & Ted getting a good grade on their final report. Without giving too much away, the final report works really well when the entire class thinks it's just actors portraying the historical figures when in reality it is the historical figures themselves. Rufus on the other hand, even though all George Carlin is doing is playing himself in essence.

L-R: Bill, Billy the Kidd, Ted and Socares in medieval England

THE SOUNDTRACK:
The movie was released in 1988, and since Bill & Ted are these surfer stoners the movie is pretty much filled with nothing but hair metal and monster ballads. It couldn't work any better. Its also aided by the fact that it wasn't mainstream metal like Def Leppard or Poison, it was lesser known bands like Shark Island, Big Pig or Power Tool. The soundtrack can be listened to from beginning to end. This movie made those songs great. "Two Heads are Better than One" by Power Tool plays when Bill & Ted are time-traveling and rounding up the historical figures for their report. The ballad "In Time" by Robbi Robb plays when Bill & Ted arrive in the future and learn that they are like Gods to the people of the future. "I Can't Break Away" by Big Pig opens the film in one of the most bizarre, yet memorable opening sequences in film history.

THE VERDICT:
Instant classic the first time you watch it. It's currently in my personal "Hall of Fame" of films. I guarantee that a movie with this bizarre of a premise will surprise and satisfy you. Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves have such a chemistry of playing buffoons on screen that you'll forget you're watching a movie almost. You'll feel like you're there, living the adventure with them. Truly immersed in the decade in which it was created, watching it will make you feel like you're taking a most excellent adventure through history...

5 stars out of 5: Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure is nothing short of a classic. Hands down. Watch it.